Panem et Circenses

I Need A Life Alert.

2009-02-04T14:55:00.008-05:00

My long standing suspicions have been confirmed. If I ever have a heart attack, stroke, seizure, or other life threatening fit during the night, I will die grasping at air while my husband slumbers on peacefully. How do I know? Read on.

I went up to bed the other night at 9:00 and left David downstairs sleeping on the couch. We weren't having a fight or anything. Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch around 7:00 and doesn't wake up to come to bed until 11:00. That night around 10:00 I am jolted awake by what I thought was a voodoo priest thrashing about and screaming dark incantations. I heard all these deep, guttural, keening/revving sounds and the sound of our blinds hitting the window. Upon a second listen, I was surprised to find that it sounded like the voodoo priest was trying to sacrifice one of our cats.

Sensing that one of our cats was in trouble, I ran downstairs only to find Scout trashing and wailing because her paw was stuck in our blinds. No voodoo priest. Nonetheless, the sounds she made were unholy. David, less than five feet away at the time, was sawing mahogany. I ran over to Scout to get her loose. Oddly enough and despite my best intentions, rushing at a distressed animal and grabbing hold of it in no way reassures that animal that everything will be okay. So Scout lets out a murderous hiss and proceeds to scratch me with her three free paws. Somehow the movement of these paws opening my flesh set the trapped paw loose, and Scout ran off to lick her wounds. Glad I could help. Now I'm disoriented and bleeding with lots of adrenalin pumping. David is STILL asleep. So in my calm, soothing voice that I reserve for emergencies, I screamed, " My God David!!! Didn't you hear that Scout was in trouble? I heard her from upstairs wailing and struggling with the blinds!" David, finally waking up, responds, "Huh? Oh, I thought I had a dream or something that one of the cats was playing with the blinds." No, in reality Scout was trapped in the blinds and in excruciating pain.

It's nice to know that if I do have a heart attack and am in my death throes David will at least have a pleasant dream about me doing a funny dance.

Now, I can't be too hard on the guy. I wouldn't expect him to expertly administer mouth to mouth resuscitation or anything. I know I probably couldn't do if I had to. The only thing I remember from my CPR lesson in health class is that I had to give CPR to the mannequin right after gross old Mrs. Matthis slobbered all over it as a demonstration. This was neither the first nor last time I cursed my last name for beginning with an 'A'. I had to go first for everything.

I digress. If I'm in trouble in the middle of the night, all I want is for someone to wake up and call 911. It'll probably have to be one of our kids. Either that or I need to get one of those Life Alert necklaces.

But Still... I Kinda Want One

2009-01-24T09:11:00.001-05:00

Daily Cuteness

2009-01-21T14:09:00.005-05:00

K, I have to be a totally gushing aunt/godmother for a second and say look at this kid! Too cute.

This is Anthony and Leah's second child, Andrew Michael Arnett. He came into the world much more quietly than his big bro, A.J., but we love him all the same. Andrew looks a little more like the Arnetts because he has blue eyes and lots of Anthony's features. He is the most laid back baby I have ever met, and laid back babies are my favorite kind. Our family jokingly calls him the "set it and forget it" baby because he requires so little, especially compared to his big bro. What a doll!

At Anne's Request....

2009-01-18T07:41:00.010-05:00

1. Started your own blog- Obviously.
2. Slept under the stars- Unfortunately. Here's the thing, millions of years ago man decided that he didn't want to sleep outside. He found caves, built huts, hid under rocks or whatever just so he didn't have to sleep outside. I am lucky enough to have a home, so why sleep outside?
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. I'm making up my own #6 since there wasn't one. Joined a secret society with covert and clandestine aims
7. Been to Disneyland/world- We were there for a record three hours. Anthony was scared of all the rides, I wanted to ride EVERY ride, my dad hated it all, and we left. It wasn't exactly fun, and I'll never take my kids there.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea- I was in one on the Gulf of Mexico. It was scary.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch -It's debatable. What counts as "an art?"
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning- We ate some bad food on Corfu. I thought I was going to die. People probably think I'm exaggerating when I tell that story, but it was the sickest I have ever been, and my digestion didn't return to normal for a month and a half.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train- I'm not sure, actually. I've slept overnight on a train, but I haven't slept on an overnight (sleeper car) train, so I don't know if it counts.
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping- I can't remember if it was 100% "skinny." John can verify.
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice- I know it's touristy, but it was fun.
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community- I practically live in one. I see Amishes (the proper plural for Amish, you know) in their horse drawn carriages all the time and our Wal-Mart even has a special parking area for them with hitching posts and everything.
36. Taught yourself a new language- As soon as my damn Rosetta Stone CDs arrive, I'll be teaching myself German. I'm excited!
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David- Well, I was right outside the Uffizi, but I didn't go in because it was packed and we only had two and a half days in Florence and there was so much to see. However, they have a huge replication of David outside the Uffizi and I did see that. I got a picture of my David standing in front of the fake David. That's good enough for me.
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted- Go to the basement of Purdue's union and look for the mural of Orville Redenbacher. Right behind him there is a hot air balloon with a blond girl in a red shirt in the balloon. I am that blond girl. No kidding. Again, John can verify. He could verify a lot of these.
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person- I thought it was cool; David wanted to leave to see more Roman animal statues.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie- The movie is based on some Kafka short stories. It's called Why Such Reluctance. I was dating the director at the time, so you know... I got the lead (and only) female role.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check- It wasn't(all) my fault though. My bank let me deposit a direct deposit slip, which looks a heck of a lot like a check, by the way, and then never called to tell me that it wasn't legal tender until I had done some Christmas shopping.
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy- Pink Schwinn bike with sissy handlebars and banana seat. It totally rocks.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square- Nope, but now that I live in New York, I am only 7 hours away from New York city. Ha ha. We are truly as far from NYC as we can possibly be while still in New York state.
74. Toured the Everglades- Spring Break '05.
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London- Nope but I have seen the changing of the guards or something like it in Athens, DC, Dublin, and the Vatican. I'm just answering these questions however I want if you haven't noticed.
77. Broken a bone- Right arm, some fingers, and a toe or two.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible- I'm working on it. See previous post.
86. Visited the White House - I mean, I've seen the outside of it. Whatever.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life- I don't know. I hope so.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous- Norma McCorvey, aka Jane Roe.
92. Joined a book club- We're on Great Expectations right now.
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit- We'll just say that it never went to trial.
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee- And each time it has taken me completely by surprise and has hurt more than I thought it would.
100- I'm making up a 100 so it will be even. Had oblivion described to you by a drunk person and believed the description to be fairly accurate

The Good Book is a Good Book

2009-01-13T13:31:00.002-05:00

I've made the same resolution for five years. Sure, there were other resolutions along with it, but I've made this one yearly for one simple reason- I've never completed it. Never even come close. I know, I know. Resolutions are stupid and no one resolves to do anything anymore when a new year rolls around. I kind of like them. Anyway, this big resolution is to read the Bible cover to cover. Like I said, I've tried before, but when they start begetting a bunch of people with weird names, my natural reaction is to fall asleep. And as a result, I've never made it out of Genesis... until this year. I'm about half way though Exodus. It's still in the early stages of course, but I'm happy that I've made it further than I ever have before.

It's not like I'm a complete stranger to the Bible. I've read certain books over the years, I know all the main stories, I always read the OT, NT, and Gospel readings during mass, and for about three years in college, one of my most common penances was to read a Psalm, especially Psalm 21. However, I think we all know that one of the most common criticisms of Catholics is that we don't know our way around the Bible. And it's true in my case, so I have to accept it. There are many Catholics that aren't in this group; my father has read the Bible several times over.

I'm finding that the Good Book is, in fact, a good book. And no,I'm not reading it simply as a literary text. I hope I can keep it up and read all of it within a year. If I did the math right, and you know that's a big if, I would only have to read about 3.5 pages a day to finish in a year. I know it will bring me closer to God and I'll be glad to say I've read it all. I probably will never be able to spout off Bible verses at will like some people. I've always imagined protestants who disagree with each other standing around just saying Bible verses back and forth to one another without actually saying any other words: "Well, Matthew 10:24." "Oh yeah, Luke 2:7." "But what about Colossians 1:15?" That was either in a movie or someone told me they actually witnessed this happening, but I've imagined disagreements happening like that ever since.

I'm reading the Bible in the morning and Great Expectations with Anne in the evening. Dickens has taken a while to get used to, but he doesn't grate on me nearly as much as he used to.

Home!

2008-12-18T07:51:00.004-05:00

David and I will be heading to Indiana tomorrow after he gets out of school. Please say prayers for us because it is a looooonnnggg drive (800 miles) and we'll be going through a lot of snow. In fact, a huge storm is supposed to start just south of us around the time we are going to leave. Perfect.

But we are excited to go home and see everyone even though we won't be bearing as many gifts as we would like. Sigh. I've been listening to and singing Nappy Roots' "Po' Folks" a lot lately, especially the chorus: "All my life been po'/ but it really don't matter no mo'". David told me to stop because we aren't poor and we've never been poor. True, but it's so catchy that I can't stop singing it.

Anyway, it will be fun to see everyone! I think we'll be home late the 20th or early the 21st.

Job Search

2008-12-10T14:15:00.002-05:00

I was talking to David last night about the kinds of jobs I would be good at. Here's a bit of the conversation-

Monica: Do you think there are still cartographers around? I love looking at maps. They're so much fun. I could draw maps.

David: Yeah, there are still cartographers. Stuff always needs to be mapped. I don't think you would really like being a cartographer though.

Monica: Why, because it involves math and working with computers and stuff like that?

David: Pretty much, yeah.

Monica: Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Maybe I could just be the person who draws sea monsters in the oceans.

David: You would be good at that.

So if you know of any map companies that need a sea monster artist, let me know.

Sigh

2008-11-30T11:50:00.002-05:00

I fear my time as a Lady of Leisure is almost up. Gas and electric are way expensive up here and we've just been getting by for over the past month. No fun. So I'm now searching for all kinds of jobs and will pretty much have to take the first one that is offered to me. Please pray that I can get a job fast! I don't want to paint a bleak picture, but I really, really need a job. Oh well, being a LoL was fun while it lasted.

A Little Crafty

2008-11-17T08:03:00.008-05:00

Here's what I made this weekend.

(I hope the tails look like tails and not other appendages. HA!)

On Friday, Martha Stewart had this lady on her show who taught us how to make stuffed animals out of gloves and socks. I immediately knew I wanted to try this. It was so fun to make these and really, really cheap. I went to the Dollar Tree and bought a 2 pack of kids' gloves, so 50 cents each for the material. Then I bought a huge bag of buttons for $1.50, and a large bag of polyfill for $2.00. I already had all the needle and thread, and I went to work. I hand sewed these because I find hand sewing relaxing, but if you use a sewing machine, you could whip these things out in no time. Since David and I are pretty poor right now, I'm thinking these will be Christmas gifts for all the little kids on our list. The website gives directions for the dog and the bunny. The pictures above are just my prototypes. Once you see what the animals are really supposed to look like, you'll think that these guys are pretty deformed, but it's a start. Next time, I'm going to use bigger gloves and a couple of different techniques. I've heard there's an elephant you can make out of socks, but the pattern isn't on the Internet. I might have to break down and buy the "Sock and Glove" book when we have some spare cash. Oh, and Scout has adopted the rabbit as her new "murder toy". I've hidden it in a couple different places, but she always finds it and proceeds to inflict flesh wounds. She really wants to kill the rabbit but she ignores the dog. Weird.

Cincinnati

2008-11-11T10:13:00.023-05:00

I was looking through some saved stuff on our camera today and came across some pictures of our neighborhood in Cincinnati. I meant to post these a long time ago. I like living in Potsdam, but I sure do miss living in Clifton and Cincinnati as a whole. We'll probably stay in NY for 3-5 years. After that, we have our eyes on Cincinnati, Indy, or Chicago. I think Cincinnati is our top pick right now. Anyway, here are some pics of our totally awesome old neighborhood of Clifton. All these businesses were right on our street.

This was our apartment building. Take a close look and try to guess which balcony was ours.

Our library

Hippie stores 1,2, and 3

Our theater.

Florist

Mediterranean foods and hookah store.

Skyline Chili- a Cincinnati fave.

There are so many more awesome business pics I could show, but I want everyone to see all the cool houses in our neighborhood.

We lived in the gaslight district. That's our street sign behind the light.

Clifton was definitely a neat place to live.

Taste the Rainbow... of Shaving Cream

2008-11-06T07:39:00.005-05:00

There is this one commercial that has been equally intriguing me and driving me nuts lately. David says I need to take a couple of deep breaths and let it go, but I can't. Here's part of the ad.

This isn't the part that's driving me crazy (Damn YouTube for not having the whole thing). Just before this, the announcer tells everyone that there are seven great flavors of Barbasol. Flavors? I'm intrigued because the commercial shows that the meaning of "flavor" is expanding to something beyond taste. "Flavor" is now starting to mean variety, type, kind, etc. The commercial is at least a couple years old, and I know this usage of "flavor" isn't exactly new either. When I worked at Osco, my co-workers would always talk about stocking different "flavors" of nail polish, dish soap, cleaning products, and other inedible items. I never joined my co-workers in this usage for one simple reason- it absolutely turned my stomach. I didn't want to think about drinking "Autumn Berry" nail polish.

When the Barbasol commercial comes on, I have a fit because I am forced to think about eating shaving cream- usually in a custard cup with a spoon or plopped on an ice cream cone like soft serve. And then I go upstairs, stand in the bathroom, look at David's Barbasol can, and think, hmmm... what would "Soothing Aloe" taste like? Or better yet, what would the flavors "Sensitive Skin" "Extra Protection" and "Therapeutic" taste like? I'm really curious about "Therapeutic." I have a feeling they'll all taste like soap- and I do know what that tastes like. My parents never punished me that way; I just wanted to see what the big deal was about after watching A Christmas Story.

Anyway... I wonder how many people use "flavor" to mean variety. And just as important, how far does the usage extend? Different varieties of liquids or scented materials make sense to me, perhaps because of my Osco experience. But I can't imagine asking for a different flavor of book, CD, or clothing, at least, not in the same way with the same exact meaning.

So keep an eye out for the Barbasol commercial, and try not to eat any shaving cream.

Just Terrible

2008-10-31T09:11:00.003-04:00

I am saddened to say that someone set fire to our church, St. Mary's, here in Potsdam. Thankfully, the damage was limited to the altar, where the fire started, but there is some smoke damage too.

It really tears me up. I feel so terrible for our pastor, Fr. Garry. He is a hard working priest dedicated to the church. Just last week he was excited to tell us he was sending off our stained glass windows to be refurbished for the first time in 108 years. And now this.

Fall's Over

2008-10-29T08:04:00.003-04:00

Here are the views from our front and back porches.

I think we got 5-8 inches. I'm not sure though because no one will say on the news. At least you can tell that we have good snow clearing crews. Happy Halloween!

The French Connection

2008-10-22T12:29:00.004-04:00

I'm really liking Potsdam so far. I never thought of myself as a person who adjusts easily, but I adored living in Cincinnati, I love Potsdam, and I loved Lafayette too. Maybe most places are agreeable to me. Lafayette is definitely number one in the friends and family category, and that is why it's great. However, it squarely comes in third as far as aesthetics, activities, smell, city planning, and zoning. And I might fall out of love with Potsdam really fast- It's going to be 25 tomorrow night and there's a 40% chance of snow on Saturday.

One thing that is just crazy-cool is all the French we hear in in this county. We are about an hour from Quebec, so we get french radio stations and Canadian TV. Oh, also our weatherman has the cutest French accent- he sounds just like this Chinese-French guy I knew at Purdue. I've only heard a handful of people speaking French in stores here, but when we go 20 miles north to Massena for fancy things like Taco Bell and a mall, tons of people are speaking French. Potsdam High's entire foreign language department consists a Latin teacher (I hear he's cute), a Spanish teacher, and two French teachers. I first thought that having two French teachers was overdoing it a tad, but now I understand why the school has them.

Since we're so far North, I've also seen a lot of Canadian political ads, and I even watched part of a Canadian presidential debate. They have three debates like us, but one of them has to be completely in French, and trust me, all the candidates have different proficiency levels in French. As you might have guessed, the ones that sucked at French were the most fun to watch. Here's what I understood from that debate about the candidates: there's Steven Harper, the prime minister, and people think he's too close to Bush; then there's some French guy that everyone thinks is crazy, a lady who never stops talking about the environment, and a bald guy with a mustache. And all four of them are ALWAYS talking about the Kyoto Protocol. I've barely heard McCain or Obama touch Kyoto.

One more thing about Canada- They have a lot of different medical stuff. Just yesterday on CTV I saw an advertisement for a colon cancer home screening kit. I can only imagine the type of sample one has to collect to screen themselves for colon cancer. Gross.

Now for quick tidbit updates-

Tidbit 1- Scout gave me a pretty good injury yesterday. I was cooking dinner and Scout hopped up on the oven hood without me seeing. Well I looked up, and she KNOWS she's not supposed to be up there, so when she saw me, she got startled and fell off the hood. As she was falling to the floor,she stuck her claws out and caught my thumb. But it wasn't just any part of my thumb- it was the very tender crevice between the side of the nail and the beginning of the skin (think of the part when you would get a hangnail). And she ripped a deep, long, vertical gash in that tender area. It bled so much and was so deep that it made me sick to my stomach. I am so tempted to post a picture but I won't.

Tidbit 2- David took me to dinner here for my birthday. I had a pork shank that was so good I wanted to pick it up and eat it Henry VIII-style. For dessert I had two freshly made pumpkin spice donuts with maple glaze and mulled hot cider. And OMG, I've been craving those donuts and cider ever since. The part that impressed me most is that neither the donuts or the cider were too sweet. The donuts were so pumpkinny and the cider was nice and tart. Anyway, my birthday dinner was amazing.

Tidbit 3- Someone just stole our recycling. No joke. We put out lots of cans and bottles in our blue bin, and someone just came and stole them. They left the plastic and the paper. It's weird, but I wanted to tell him not to steal our recycling. But what was I going to say? "Hey! That's our friggin' garbage, buddy! You can't have it because we're getting rid of it!" Probably not. And I know he's going to take our cans and bottles to the same place we intended them to go, but he's going to make a profit. This shouldn't bother me but it kind of does.

Lake Placid

2008-10-12T13:57:00.014-04:00

We went to Lake Placid and the surrounding area yesterday to see all the fabulous fall colors. We live in a really beautiful area. I decided to make this trip part of my birthday week celebration. My 27th birthday is on Wednesday.

Most of our pictures came from the ski resort where the 1980 Winter Olympics were held. We took a ski lift about 3,000 feet up Whiteface Mountain. It was so beautiful that I wasn't surprised to see a couple getting married up there during our visit. We hiked around for a couple of hours and then rode back down. It was such a neat way to see all the fall colors in the Adirondacks.

Business Card

2008-10-10T13:08:00.003-04:00

I should probably get a job.

I'm Never Reading Again

2008-09-26T11:06:00.009-04:00

David and I did something yesterday that I never thought we would do- we got cable. We didn't get the big, fancy HD cable, or even the moderately fancy 80 channel cable. Instead, we got the poor man's 10 channel, $11 a month cable. Whene I ordered it from Time Warner two weeks ago the lady on the phone said, "Basic cable? You realize that if we come out again in a month to upgrade your cable we'll have to charge you a second installation fee." I guess this sort of thing happens a lot. I told her basic was fine. Our channels include ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, TBS, PBS, and CBC. Oh, and we also get the TV guide channel. I can only assume we get this channel to show us all the great TV we're missing and convince us to call immediately for a cable upgrade.

After the cable man left, I decided that some brain rotting veg time was in order. I mean, I'm out of college and don't have a job. Why do I ever need to read again? Well, in addition to all the channels already mentioned, I found that our signal picks up some free channels that have already switched over to HD. Most interesting is the Discovery Health channel. I'm sure the channel's mission statement says that it is trying to promote interest in all the wonders of medicine. However, if one watches this channel for, oh say, three hours straight, one will find that this channel is dedicated to incurable medical maladies, pregnancy complications, and obscure diseases. This channel is like the perfect storm of entertainment for any hypochondriac, and like any other horrific and compelling situation, I COULD NOT LOOK AWAY. In one show I got to see a baby born with a head shaped like a three leaf clover, a woman almost die of hemorrhaging after giving birth, and a baby born addicted to crack. Shortly after, I determined that I'm never having children. And yes, all these situations were terrible, and I don't want to make light of it. I cried, cringed, and almost puked during this show. I turned the channel a couple of times telling myself that I could NEVER AGAIN watch this channel. And yet.... I always found myself stopping on it again. Tomorrow, Discovery Health is running a show about a man who grows a tree bark like substance on his body. They call him Treeman. And I will not watch... maybe. No, I have to stop watching, seriously. I already asked David if he thought I had blood clots near my ankles yesterday. I asked because I did not rationally put together that wearing heels all day sometimes causes people's ankles to hurt.

So as you can see, cable is already making me dumber, but if you need more evidence, here it is. We were watching the news last night and a smoking cessation commercial came on. It featured a tortoise and hare reminding people that they should slowly and patiently try to quit smoking. As the turtle was flopping around in the weird way that turtles walk, I turned to David and said, "It's really sad about turtles." He asked what I was talking about. I went on to explain that turtles were like the handicapped of the animal kingdom. They walk around really slowly because the shape of their body prevents them from walking like a normal animal. "Yeah, but they have a big shell to protect them," he said. I reminded David that the shell is what makes them slower and they wouldn't need that big shell for protection if they could walk and run like normal, able bodied animals. All he responded with is " 'It's really sad about turtles' ...that's one for the books." I'm glad I didn't tell him that I thought the commercial would have been much funnier had the turtle been smoking a cigarette.

The main reason we got cable was to watch the news. At least that was the reason we agreed upon. In actuality the reasons are I get bored during the day and I really, really want to watch college football. I'm so excited about watching football tomorrow. Oh, and I'm kidding about never reading. I just took a break from reading Moby Dick to read David Sedaris's Me Talk Pretty One Day. I don't know why, but I can't read more than 10 pages of Moby Dick without falling asleep. It's really funny and well written (maybe that's an understatement) but it puts me to sleep. So I'll be able to tell you what I think of it when I finish in about a year or two.

Toga, Toga, Toga!

2008-09-22T10:10:00.010-04:00

David is going to show his Latin club students how to make togas today, so last night we practiced making him a toga. We had so much fun!! His students will be making their togas out of old bedsheets, but we bought about 15 feet of material to make a deluxe toga for David. After all, the magister should look like he knows what he's doing. After cutting the material into a semi-circle shape, I used hemming tape to put some reddish-purple stripes on the toga and on a white T-shirt to imitate a tunica laticlavia and toga praetexta. Doesn't he look senatorial?

I think David is going for the Augustus pose here, but I always pictured him as more of a Hadrain kind of guy.

Note Hadrian's cute beard and curly hair.

I have to admit that the toga isn't entirely accurate, and that bothers me a little more than it should, as David told me last night. But we had fun and I can always do more work to it later. David wants me to make a stola and palla for myself next. Then we can go to Halloween and costume parties as Romans! Plus, we live on a block with three fraternity houses, so we'll always be ready to crash toga parties as well.

Rainy, Rainy, Rainy Day

2008-09-09T11:03:00.005-04:00

We finally have the internet. I thought the guy was supposed to come yesterday, but it was actually today. I don't have pictures of Potsdam to post yet because I've been kind of lazy lately. I'm still getting used to the fact that I have nothing to do but vacuum a little and make dinner. Actually, it might surprise some of you to know that I am still employed by Cincinnati State. The writing center has retained me as an online writing tutor. Any students who are taking online English classes have access to online tutoring. I have one class to tutor, which means students who want help will send me an attachment of their paper and I'll comment on it and send it back to them. I can tutor these papers in my pajamas with a cup of coffee on the desk if I want. This will be very little work-- like about 1/50th of what I did all last year, so I think I can handle it. Anyway, Ill be sure to take some pictures of Potsdam as soon as we get some dry weather, which might be next June. Haha. No, it'll be sooner than that, I promise.

I'm listening to Pandora now after going without for more than a week. All I have to say is that I was listening to a lot of depressing music last semester. Here's a sample of my stations: Elliott Smith, Cat Power, Amalgamated Sons of Rest, and the like. No wonder I was so bummed out, or maybe the music was just reflection of the mood I was already in. Now I want some good happy music to listen to, but that is sometimes a tall order with inde music. And speaking of happy, I've certainly noticed a change in my mood, and David has been saying things like "Gee, you're in a good mood" about three times a day. I'm still crawling out into the sunshine to be sure, but I'm so much happier. The constant headache behind my eyeballs has gone away, my right thumb has stopped twitching uncontrollably, I've eased up on clenching my teeth at night (evidenced by the fact that my mouth hurts less in the morning) and the throbbing tension in my neck and shoulder blades is loosening. I'm still afraid I have two or three terminal illnesses, but I never expected all my stress issues to go away overnight.

We miss all our pals in Cincinnati and Lafayette. If we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person it is because the move was rather hectic and hurried because of several unforeseen, uncontrollable, and tragic circumstances. We don't have any friends here yet, but I suppose that will come, although it may come a little more slowly since the town is small, but I'm not really worried about it for now.

I've made dinner for the past four nights. That matches how many times I made dinner the entire time we lived in Cincinnati. So, I'm pretty much feeling like Donna Stone on the "Donna Reed Show" right now, a show I always secretly admired and despised for the laughable perfection of the Stone family matriarch. Oh, how I love Donna Reed in all her roles, but that is an entire blog post in itself.

I'm also reading non-composition material again. Thanks be to God. Now I'm off to buy flavored coffee, two avocados, and some cans of soup.

Potsdam!

2008-08-31T13:58:00.002-04:00

We're here. David starts teaching on Tuesday. I'm posting from the library, but our internet will be hooked up on the 8th. I hate posting from the library so I'll probably write again once we have the internet in our apartment.

Moving Schedule

2008-08-19T08:09:00.003-04:00

Packing is coming right along. It's really helpful to live a block away from a grocery store because we can get all the boxes we need. I hope to be done packing by Thursday night. Here's the schedule.

Thursday- My last real day at work. Finish packing.

Friday around 11:00 am- leave for Lafayette to say my goodbyes.

3:00- Hang out w/ family until 6:30.

Go to friends' baby's baptism at 7:00.

Hang out with friends all night.

Saturday- Meet my new nephew, see as many people as possible, tell them goodbye and that I will miss them dearly.

Sunday- Go to mass at St. Boniface, hang out w/ my family, eat dinner with my Aunt Barb, and go back to Cincinnati.

Monday- See as many Cincinnati friends as possible and tell them we'll miss them dearly.

Tuesday- Repeat. Load up moving truck that night.

Wednesday early morning- Watch Dad and David move all the heavy stuff I couldn't help lift from the night before.

Wednesday late morning/early afternoon- Set off on our 12 hour drive to Potsdam.

Thursday- Move in all our stuff, start our new lives.

Thanks for all the prayers from everyone. I have no doubt they played a huge role in us going where we are going. The move is far and we will live in a pretty isolated place, but I think this is where we are supposed to be.

Goodbye Cincinnati...

2008-08-11T18:03:00.003-04:00

And hello Potsdam, New York. That's right, David took a Latin teaching position, and he and I will be moving to up up up up upstate New York in a little over two weeks. I mean way upstate. We'll be about less than an hour from the Canadian border and two hours away from Montreal. This news came at the eleventh hour, too. We were actually ready to send in our signed contracts, transcripts, apostilles, etc to South Korea TOMORROW MORNING!!!! In fact, when I woke up today I was only thinking about going to Korea and had almost given up entirely on New York. And while Korea would have been a hell of an adventure, New York is clearly the more stable option. Plus, we've been told that David's school takes trips to Europe just about every year, so our traveling days are not over.

Anyhow, Potsdam seems pretty cool. Even though the it is only 10,000 citizens strong, there are two colleges in the town and two others within a 15 mile radius. So David will be teaching a bunch of professors' kids. I've never been to Potsdam, but I'm imagining it's somewhere between Twin Peaks and Corner Gas. We're going up there to look for apartments (or houses!) this weekend, so I'll get to confirm my mental images.

We'll miss Cincinnati lots. All of my students complain about this town, but I loved our time here. We met some fantastic people and lived in the coolest neighborhood ever!!!! I'll do a tribute to Clifton in the next couple of days so all of you can see where we lived.

Anyhow, that's all for now.

Still Waiting...

2008-08-08T21:39:00.003-04:00

Well, we are still waiting and the pressure is really getting to the both of us, but I thought I should at least tell you what we know. Most of you have either called or written to ask why such a sudden change, so I guess I'll start with that. I'm giving you the nitty-gritty, frazzled, poorly written version.

I'm not happy at my job. That doesn't mean I don't like teaching. I do. I just don't like it under the current circumstances. So I was ready to quit.

David wasn't happy in his program. That doesn't mean he didn't like UC. He did. What he didn't like is being trained to be a researcher. He could never really convince himself that what he was doing was important or meaningful. Yes, writing a paper on a completely esoteric subject might get you accolades in from a some academic types, but who does it help? How does constantly nit-picking at another scholar's work or doing research on a topic that 99.998 percent of the population has never even heard of stack up in the big scheme of things? I once asked this question to a friend back home. He said it was all about finding truth with a big T. I guess we'll leave that to the philosophers and theologians for now. David was successful in the first year of his program. His grades were great and he wrote some awesome papers, but he would rather teach and only teach. He does not want to keep up with other people's articles and publish on things he can't take seriously for a living, and that's basically what being a classics professor would get him. But teaching languages to real live students is something he does find meaning in and is something he would love to do for a living.

We came to work related crossroads at about the same time. I wanted a break, David wanted me to quit (for my sanity and his) and he also wanted to quit. This of course meant that we needed to find something to keep us in the red and fast.

That's how we arrived at moving, but how did we come up with options such as Mississippi, New York, Virginia, South Korea, and Indianapolis (I purposely left this one out of the original list. Sorry!)? David applied for Latin teaching position for the US locations and we both applied to English teaching positions in South Korea. I want to give you more information, but I also want to wait until a deal is finalized. I'll say this: our decision is down to one school in the United States and one school in South Korea. I would say I'll let you know on Monday, but these things have a way of getting pushed back. Right now my brain is frazzled from worry and anticipation. Just keep praying for us.

News, News, News

2008-08-02T14:44:00.003-04:00

Well, so much has happened since I last posted. I quit my job. My last day is August 22nd. And speaking of quitting, David is quitting his PhD program. Oh, and then there's the fact that by this time next month we'll probably be living in New York, Virginia, Mississippi, or South Korea. Whew! There's a slim chance that we'll stay in Cincinnati, but that chance is growing slimmer by the hour. We should know everything by Tuesday or Wednesday of this coming week. Say some prayers for us! David will be traveling quite a bit over the next couple of days, and we've got a lot of stuff to do in a very short amount of time!

Too Much Work

2008-07-07T18:03:00.002-04:00

This is a post just to let you know that I probably won't be posting very often or soon, for that matter. I'm trying to get two new classes up off the ground and manage the writing center. None of this comes naturally to me. I have finished Crime and Punishment and initially wanted to blog about it, but I don't have enough time. My outlook on the world, my job, etc, is a little bleak right now, but I've never been happy, at peace, or even in a mild state of contentment for long. I guess this is my natural temperament. I'll post again when I can and when I feel like I have something worthwhile to say.

Florida

2008-07-01T06:44:00.002-04:00

David and I are leaving for Florida today and we'll be back Sunday. And yes, this trip was planned and not spur of the moment. Our friend Matt is getting married. I'm not particularly fond of Florida for a couple of reasons. I was forced to spend every family vacation there as a child because my grandparents lived there. I dearly love my grandparents, God rest their souls, but Florida is too humid, too swampy, and way way way too hot. My ideal temperature ranges from 65-80, and not a tick above. I don't even like beaches and I hate swimming in open bodies of water. But anyway, off to Florida we go, and it'll be nice to be at Matt's wedding and get a couple of days off of work.

The Year of Paul

2008-06-28T18:15:00.002-04:00

Happy year of Saint Paul!! We as Catholics are taking a year to commemorate the 2,000th anniversary of Paul's birth. Let us reflect closely on his life, words, and actions this entire year.

Ora pro nobis.

Pictures

2008-06-22T07:46:00.008-04:00

David already posted these on Facebook, but I promised I'd put them here too.

I like this one because you can see how close we got to the falls and actually got wet from it.
One of our friends remarked that we don't look very happy in these pictures. I don't think that's necessarily true. We had a great time, but neither of us like looking really cheesed out for the camera. I got this non-smiling trait honest from my dad. He hates pictures. We only had one family portrait and that was for the church directory, and we didn't buy any copies of it.

Here's another picture of us at Niagara. David grew his mustache out all crazy, but you can tell that we aren't smiling because we're afraid the camera will steal our souls. Or at least I look scared in this one. David looks kind of arrogant.

Niagara Falls

2008-06-16T14:39:00.005-04:00

Hey all! I just wanted to let everyone know that David and I will be leaving for Niagara Falls tomorrow and we will be back Thursday night or Friday morning. We kind of decided to do this about two hours ago. Luckily for us, they had perfect hotel packages for the middle of the week. For two nights we get a king size bed, free breakfasts, vouchers for the hotel's casino, and a free dinner all for $300 bucks. And we're only a block away from the falls. Not bad considering we just hatched this plan today and we'll be at the falls tomorrow. This is especially good because I thought any chance of a trip this summer was lost when I decided to manage the writing center and teach two new classes*. But I have this week off, and we decided to do something with it!

Anyway, I hope to have pictures for everyone by Friday afternoon. Say a prayer for us that we get there and back safely!

*Sorry to Anne and Peter. We truly didn't think we were going to be able to do anything this summer and only decided to do this a short while ago.

Summer Reading

2008-06-12T06:47:00.005-04:00

I've wanted to make a real post for about about a week now, but the term is ending and everything is getting quite hectic, so a short one will have to do.

I've started my summer reading list and I've even added a "Currently Reading" tab on the side of this blog. My list is entitled "Books I Should Have Read Before Now". I guess it isn't even a real list per se because I'm only thinking about one book in advance. But it has made me question what "Books I Should Have Read Before Now" means. I get a nagging feeling every time I see these books and a sense of guilt to go along with it. That's how I know I should have read them by now, but why? Does it make me less of a human because I haven't read all of Catch 22? Does it make me less of an English teacher? Less of an English major? I don't think so, and yet the guilt persists. I'm not even sure I believe in the list that I created. People should read books that they like. There shouldn't be a sense of responsibility and duty in reading for pleasure. But here I am. Maybe that's how we know what makes up the literary canon- the feeling we get in the pit of our stomach when we see a certain book that we haven't read. "Oh, I feel like I'm going to puke every time I see Moby Dick on the shelf. I suppose I should get around to reading it." Or maybe that's just me.

I do have to say though that I have liked every book on the list that I've forced myself to read. Next up is Crime and Punishment, which David has been telling me to read for the past year because it always seems to come up in our conversations. Well, there it is. I'll be airing my dirty little secrets all summer long on the side of my blog. Are there any brave souls out there who would be willing to post a comment about a book they "should have read by now" ?

A New Vice

2008-06-03T07:05:00.005-04:00

This is David looking professorial. Notice the goatee and crooked pipe.

Yes, David is smoking a pipe now. I'm not thrilled about the actual smoking part, but I think the pipe is pretty cool. He says he wants to get a churchwarden pipe next because they "keep the smoke out of your face while reading and the long pipe gives the smoke a chance to cool before it hits your mouth." Yeah, that and they look like something wizards and hobbits use. The actual pipe collecting hobby is one that I support. There are some fantastic looking pipes out there. David actually owns more pipes than he has smoked at this point. I bought a pipe for a quarter at a garage sale a year ago because I thought it would be cool to use as a prop or something. Then yesterday he bought the one you see in the picture and a corncob pipe. The corncob pipe is claaaaasy.

We went to a specialty smoke shop and the old man who owned the place introduced us to the ways of pipe smoking. Actually, I think he followed us around to make sure we weren't going to steal something. But he gave David helpful little tips along the way, like "the ladies love the smell of 'very cherry' pipe tobacco" and so on.

Anyhow, just a little David update for all of you.

Whirling Dervish

2008-05-29T06:54:00.004-04:00

So I watched the Preakness Stakes a couple of weeks ago with the Schafers and friends. I was skeptical about watching because I'm still on the fence about horses. Yeah, after 26 years I still haven't made up my mind about them. My friend Kristin would discontinue our friendship if she heard me say that. She's horse crazy. Anyway, horses are odd animals. On one hand, they are these huge, strong, majestic animals who were worth as much or more than humans in the days before cars. On the other hand, they are skittish, inbred, prone to all sorts of disease, and need to be shot if they break their ankle. Weird.

A couple of minutes before the Preakness started, I leaned over and asked Theresa Mills what she would name her racehorse, you know, if she had the extra millions of dollars required to buy one. I love racehorse names because they are always off the wall and usually a couple of words long. And they never have to make sense. Well, I forget what she said because I'm selfish and self-centered, but (surprise, surprise) I do remember what I said. I told her I would name my horse Whirling Dervish. And here it is a couple of weeks later and I still love that name. Whirling Dervish. But then I started thinking about more racehorse names, and before I knew it, I had come up with a handful of new names that would be perfect for any thoroughbred racehorse. So here they are in no particular order-

1. Fortinbras Smith

2. Class Action Lawsuit

3. Oedipus at Colonus

4. Pass the Gravy

5. Grendel's Mom

6. Measles, Mumps, and Rubella (all one name)

7. Undocumented Worker

8. The Check's in the Mail

9. Gallipoli

10. Cleveland Shuffle (My Aunt Barb taught me what this one means over the weekend)

11. Roscommon Row (like a fight, not the motion required to move a boat)

12. Sokrates Johnson (a nod to Bill and Ted)

13. How's About That?

14. Dreadnought

15. Smog in the Noggin (admittedly lifted from the new Indiana Jones movie)

There they are. I think I got the right combination of literary figures, city and region names, war imagery, common sayings, alliteration, and off the wall stuff. Whirling Dervish is still my favorite, but Class Action Lawsuit is a close second. So, what would you name your racehorse(s)? Leave a comment and let me know.

Too Cool for Two Years

2008-05-19T17:31:00.007-04:00

May 20th, 2006

May 20th, 2008

In two years...

Two degrees
Two cats
Too much debt
Too much weight
To Europe
To Cincinnati
Tu me amas
Tu me servavisti

Nemo Nisi Mors...

2008-05-13T15:37:00.002-04:00

So, this is it. Teach, tutor, tutor, teach. And when I get home, I grade and then go to sleep. Speaking of grading, I need to go do about four solid hours of it. If you never hear from me again, I've overdosed on definition papers.

So I Lied

2008-05-04T18:52:00.006-04:00

Flannery seemed to be back to her old self in a little more than a day, so we decided to go to the SPCA yesterday and just peek at the new kittens. We just happened to find the cutest two month old little girl.

This is Scout-

Flannery was a little, hmmm, pissed off at first. She went back and forth between attempted murder and bouts of sulking all day yesterday. But Flannery really did need a friend and she quickly realized that. She still kind of swats at Scout (with her claws in) just to let her know who's boss, but they've also been playing, eating, and sleeping together all day today.

And in the course of a day I went from saying how small Flannery is (she is actually a small cat) to remarking that she looks like a huge panther in comparison to Scout. And right now, as I type, my little Scout is taking a nap on my lap and making all kinds of funny movements.

In other news, my students urged me to try goetta, a Cincinnati-German concoction of ground pork, oatmeal, and onions. Everyone I've talked to in Cincinnati goes crazy for this stuff. I bought some at the store today, fried it up and ate it. I feel like I'm going to vomit. It was really greasy. I'm going to give it another shot, but my first taste of Cincinnati cuisine was less than I hoped for. I guess there's always Skyline chili.

SPCA

2008-05-01T17:42:00.004-04:00

We just got Flannery back from the SPCA today. We had to take her in to be spayed, and even though she was gone for only a little over 24 hours, the apartment felt really empty without her. I'm so glad we got her spayed though. It's better for her this way. Plus, the whole hunching, butt-up-in-the-air, caterwauling issue was getting a little old. But I did have fun singing Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon" to her every time she went into heat. Anyway, here are the ridiculous post-op instructions we are supposed to follow:

1. No licking or chewing at the incision. Well, I can guarantee I'm not going to lick or chew at her incision, but these were pretty much the first two actions Flannery took when she got home.

2. No running or jumping. Um....Those were the second two things she did when we got her home. If I had just gotten my pet turtle spayed, It might be feasible, but a cat? What's worse is that my cat's brain is made up of concrete and a strong will. The only way I know how to make her mind is to squirt her with a spray bottle, which just happens to violate number three.

3. Keep the incision dry. Right.

4. No rough play (with other pets, you or themselves). This might be hard to believe since Flannery has a reputation for biting strangers, but we really don't play rough with her, and we won't have any other pets probably for two more weeks. (Kitten season starts and we want to get Flannery a friend.) However, she's kinda fond of chasing and biting her tail.

And I'm just going to assume every cat violates all four of these instructions because they wouldn't be cats if they didn't. I just want to know how the SPCA lady kept a straight face we she gave me this list. I honestly don't know how to keep any of these rules unless we keep her in her cage until the 12th, the day she gets her stitches out. So I hope no one reading this reports me for animal abuse.

You might be thinking, "Man, Monica can't take care of her cat. How's she gonna take care of kids?" Well, you aren't alone. I suppose I'll take the same tack: let them run and jump, lick their incisions, chase their body parts, and squirt them with a spray bottle when they do something annoying.

Big Mo'

2008-04-26T11:04:00.007-04:00

So, the world has its newest candy bar. It happens to be the brainchild of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., a NASCAR driver, and Palmer, the world's grossest chocolate, so this is quality from word one.

What's better is that the name of the candy bar, which comes in peanut butter or caramel filled chocolate, is named Big Mo'. This name conjures all kinds of images. Is it named after a hulking, dimwitted bouncer? Nope. Jr. says it commemorates the "Big Mo"ment when he first started driving cars around in a circle professionally. Because, you know, when you are the son of a NASCAR deity, it's really hard to get your big break. My brother suggested that, considering the language used by NASCAR drivers, it might really stand for Big MoFo. And I'm sure the forces behind this candy bar don't mind that connotation.

But let me suggest another meaning. One day I was hanging out with my friends Kristin and Brett. Kristin kept calling me Mo that day as a nickname. Finally, Brett said that she might want to stop calling me that. Well, we of course asked why, and here's what he told us. Those in the gay community, to which he belongs, refer to each other as 'Mo or Big 'Mo as a shortened version of homosexual.

So, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. may have just inadvertently endorsed the first gay candy bar ever. Well, let's say the gayest candy bar ever. I'm pretty sure Bonkers, Big Daddy, Gobstoppers, Good & Fruity, Jolly Ranchers, Mike & Ike, NutRageous, Oh Henry, Pixie Stix, and Three Musketeers, were all gay forerunners to the Big Mo'.

It's just funny because I can't think of a more good ol' boy institution than NASCAR. You'd think they would have appointed a Czar of Straightness to make sure nothing like this got past. Of course, I thought the same thing when everyone started calling Jeff Gordon the Rainbow Warrior.

DIY

2008-04-16T21:25:00.008-04:00

So there's been a recent surge of interest in home births and I think it's fantastic. I can talk all I want about how I don't want no evil doctor man shoving a needle in my spine and ripping my stomach open to seize my baby, but until I'm in that position, I don't really have any room to talk. Lots of women have done home births and I admire them for it. I want to do it or at least have as few drugs as possible involved, but who knows what I'll be asking for when the draws near.

While home birth might be grabbing all the headlines, there's another DIY area that is quietly gaining popularity- home funerals. No embalming, no expensive casket, no funeral home. The wake takes place at the family's home and the casket is very simple- sometimes cardboard. The person is transported by family vehicle to whatever religious ceremony is chosen and then the family buries their loved ones themselves either on their property or in a cemetery. This might sound crazy at first, but I think the home funeral idea has some merit. Just think about it.

I watched a PBS POV documentary on netflix instant play called "A Family Undertaking" about home funerals. The "death midwife" or "home funeral guide" ,as she prefers, interviewed by PBS made a really good point: "We've institutionalized the most important rites of passage in our culture- birth and death." Before the 20th century, people had their children at home and laid their loved ones to rest at home. Now we just hand them over to strangers in hospitals and let these people deal with our relatives at the very beginning and very end of life. Our emotions about these events become monitored on someone else's time. The joy of birth is dampened by doctors taking the babies too soon or the nurses ready to whisk the newborns off to the the nursery. The grief of losing a relative is hidden away because a show of that kind of intense emotion around strangers (funeral directors and so on) is disturbing and too intimate. We are prevented from experiencing these events and emotions as fully as we could or should.

Just like home births, home funerals are more natural because there are no chemicals involved. Anyone who says a dead person at a the funeral home is "so natural looking" is either weird, lying, or both. It's not natural. There is nothing natural about what undertakers do. Jabbing holes in a person's body to suck out all the fluids, propping up the eyeballs, clamping the mouth shut, filling the body with formaldehyde- if anyone but a funeral director we're doing this stuff it would be considered desecration of a corpse. It's not pleasant to think about, but it's true. And all so we can get our relatives to look like they did in old age, right before they died. That's not the way I want to remember any of my grandparents.

Finally, it's no secret that funeral directors take advantage of the grief stricken and bereaved. This is yet another similarity to families in the delivery room. We'll do what they say because they are the experts. Never mind that they don't have our best interests at heart, they don't have our emotional well being at heart, and they certainly don't have our financial well being at heart. So we end up paying thousands of dollars for something we don't want and something our relatives didn't want because we are not in the right state to deal with it.

The topic is macabre, I know, but it is important to think about culturally. Would I want a funeral with no chemicals, no expensive casket, and no funeral home for myself? My gut reaction is to say that as long as I have a funeral mass said for me, I'm buried in a Catholic cemetery, and I'm right with God before I go, I don't need anything else. Would I have the strength to be in charge of a home funeral for someone I know and love? Like home birth, I can only really answer these questions when the time draws near. What do you guys think?

Sisterly Advice

2008-04-10T23:42:00.005-04:00

Warning- the following material may not be suitable for younger audiences, those who are at all politically correct, or those who may have an aversion to the F-Bomb.

Well, some days I take two steps closer to heaven and some days I take two steps back.

So, I'm in Lafayette right now visiting my family and friends. It has been a great time and I'm enjoying myself. One of my favorite parts about this visit is that I've gotten to spend some time with my 16 year old brother. Alex is a really good kid that people should take the time to get to know.

Two nights ago we were talking about how high school is going for him. I remember high school as one of the most miserable times of my life, so I wanted to check in with him and make sure he was okay. He said that classes were fine and he had friends and he liked one of his teachers. Then he mentioned that some kid in his math class was giving him a hard time. This kid would say rude things to him, butt in on his conversations, and just be a jerk in general to Alex.

Well, at this point rage seethed within me. It's the type of rage that one can only experience when a blood relative has been insulted. It is instinctual and I am sure everyone has experienced it. My blood boiled, my fists clenched, my teeth gnashed. I asked Alex, "What's this kid look like?" Alex remarked that he's a skinny gay kid who talks with a lisp.

PLAY RECORD SCREECHING NOISE HERE

I said, "Wait, wait, wait. You're letting a skinny gay kid give you shit?" You have to understand that my brother is at least 6 feet tall and he is big and strong. The next words out of my mouth make up some of the best and worst sisterly advice I have ever given. (sorry mom and dad if you're reading) With teeth fully gritted I said, "The next time that kid gives you shit, look him in the eye, put on the meanest face you can imagine and say 'Fuck off mother fucker'". Admittedly, it is regrettable that I did not think of Christian charity first. But as I said, I was in the throes of protective familial rage. That kind of thing stands up in court even. Alex kind of laughed and shortly after our chat he announced that he had to go to bed.

Later that night I started feeling guilty about the advice that I gave him. That kind of retort could get Alex in a fight or get him kicked out of school. Plus, it ranks pretty high in the uncharitability factor. So I sent Alex a text message that night before I went to bed so he could read it before he went to school that morning. This is what it said verbatim- "Hey, just kidding about that gay kid @ school. You probably shouldn't tell anyone to fuck off. Have a good day tomorrow."

That's the kind of sister I am I guess. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I had sisters of my own, and I fear for how bad it will be if my children are bullied at school. I think the life lesson overall was a good one- don't take shit from anyone. However, I also think that my approach was a little off. Sigh. Lord help me.

US Americans

2008-04-04T20:36:00.004-04:00

Okay, I know this girl has been made fun of time and time again, and I actually feel really sorry for her. Who hasn't just completely lost their composure in front of a group of people at some point in their lives? It's happened to me while teaching class before- not to this extent, but still. And I don't think this girl is stupid either. She's probably a good student even. With all that being said, I feel a little better about posting this clip, which I thought was hilarious. It looks at how this beauty queen's "parents" coach her through the speech. Besides, everything Miss Teen South Carolina said about The Iraq was true.

Update

2008-04-03T08:24:00.006-04:00

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you a little update on a miracle I've been privileged to witness. It's hard to believe AJ will be a year old soon.

And here he is now.

He has a long road ahead of him, as all micropremies do, but so far everything is going well. He still has his feeding tube, but that's it. He's not on oxygen or any other machines anymore. Thanks for all your prayers. My entire family, especially my brother and his wife, are extremely grateful.

The Accuracy of NFP Finally Takes Its Toll

2008-03-31T21:05:00.006-04:00

Yeeaaaah, Sure. It's all the NFP.

VATICAN CITY - Islam has surpassed Roman Catholicism as the world's largest religion, the Vatican newspaper said Sunday.

"For the first time in history, we are no longer at the top: Muslims have overtaken us," Monsignor Vittorio Formenti said in an interview with the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano. Formenti compiles the Vatican's yearbook.

He said that Catholics accounted for 17.4 percent of the world population — a stable percentage — while Muslims were at 19.2 percent. ASSOCIATED PRESS

Shit. Well, I guess David and I are going to have to start making babies now. I can't stand being #2. Catholic Baby Havers Unite!!! Or we could try to convert some people or something.

Potential Problem

2008-03-18T07:04:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about potential and how maybe for the first time in my life I don't have any. I'm not sure if that sounds arrogant or sad, and maybe it's both. I'm not necessarily depressed about the potential problem or anything, but it has led me to some interesting reflections.

Americans, and maybe every society, love a person with potential. When I was in school- high school, college, grad school- I was always asked about my plans and what I intended to do with my degrees, and it all sounded very interesting- precisely for the fact that I hadn't done any of it yet. I would tell people what I wanted to do and I would get wrapped up in the idea of just being able to do those things...someday, and that kind of potential is fun and attractive. Having the potential to teach English at a community college is much cooler than actually doing it(and I like my job). And now, at parties and get-togethers, I love talking to people who haven't graduated yet because I get to imagine with them what they could do, and it's exciting. It's much more fun talking about the future with a person in law school than it is talking about the future with a lawyer.

This doesn't just happen with school and jobs either. When David and I were engaged so many people would ask about the wedding, where we were going to live, our plans, and on and on and on. And it is fun to talk to engaged people because they have their entire lives together before them, none of it has happened yet, and it's fun to see all that potential. I think that's why older people love to ask young couples when they are going to get engaged; they want to be excited about the future. But almost two years after our wedding, no one cares about how long we've been married, and they certainly don't care that we were once engaged. And I'm not saying people should. I mean, honestly, who doesn't get married? Almost everyone does it, even people who are terrible at it, so I don't feel special about it. Yet when I was engaged to be married, oh man, people thought that was sumpthin' special. But no, after people are married, they have to move on to the next big potential thing: having a baby.

How do I know that I've milked my marriage for all its potential? People are starting to ask me when I'm going to have a baby. And having a baby is exactly like to two examples above. During the nine months of expectancy, people are positively beside themselves about what could be with their friend's baby. What are you going to name it? How far along are you? Do you have the baby's room ready? And to be fair, pregnant women deserve some excitement about their potential. Just from an outsider's perspective, it looks like it sucks being pregnant, so these women should at least have people asking them fun questions. But what happens after the baby is born? Well, they have a baby. They have the thing they were expecting. I certainly don't make a big to-do about the fact that someone has a baby every time I see them the way I did when that same person was pregnant. That would be weird. "Oh, you have a baby." "Oh, you still have a baby" "What's it like still having a baby?"

So maybe fulfilling one's potential is never as exciting as possessing that potential . That doesn't mean the fulfillment isn't better- just maybe less interesting. I'd rather be working than back in school (most days), I'd rather be married than engaged, and I'm sure most women would rather have their children on the outside instead of the inside. But still, it's nice to have some potential. I don't know when I'll get some potential back, but I'll be excited when I get it.

How Many Babies Can Fit in a Tire?

2008-03-06T10:15:00.004-05:00

The title of this post is from a movie that I cannot go a day without quoting- Waiting For Guffman. I consider the fact that I quote it daily one of my most obnoxious qualities, and I have scores of obnoxious qualities. In the movie, the main character, Corky St. Clair, says, "It's a Zen thing, like how many babies can fit in a tire." This is such a brilliant line because he's poking fun at that old Thomist query, "how many angels can fit on the head of a pin?" And why bring this up now? Well...

I've been reading Chesterton's biography of St. Thomas Aquinas. It's cool because ol' GK is doing some of that Augustine/Aquinas, Plato/Aristotle stuff that I love. Even though Chesterton is sometimes annoyingly over the top and almost always distracted, his Aquinas bio is still a good, fun read.

So anyway, I've been thinking quite a bit about that portly,profound theologian lately and I came up with what I thought was a pretty funny pun: St. Thomas Aquinas was the world's first deep fat friar. Whoo, I'm still laughing. God, that would be great if I was the first person to ever think of that, but I doubt that I am. It's the first I've ever heard of it though. Oh, I tell you, this steel trap is sharp. I'm off now to ponder how many cats I can fit in a dryer.

My Husband Is A Monkey

2008-03-04T19:10:00.007-05:00

This is what happened when my monkey-husband decided to jump on the bed

From a chair stacked on a hope chest

In what can only be described as a WWF style, top of the ropes, spinning elbow drop.

Why? Because he finished changing a light bulb and thought it would be fun to jump from the chair onto the bed. David says it'll just take a 2X4 and a couple of nails to fix. I remain skeptical. Currently, our bed cannot support 3 out of its 4 slats. I would say this is the kind of thing for which David would find himself sleeping on the couch tonight, but I think it's obvious that we'll both be sleeping there. I told David that the only reason why it's funny is because we're comfortable enough in our finances that we could buy a new bed if need be. If we were poor, I would not be laughing nearly as much. Oh, man. At what age or stage in our life was responsibility supposed to kick in? Because I clearly don't think it has for the O'Neils.

My Alter Ego

2008-03-03T06:56:00.003-05:00

Okay, I already Myspaced about this, but then I realized that some of you don't have Myspace. I would Facebook about it, but I'm just not that Facebooky yet. I feel like I'm already committed to Myspace and if I committed equally to Facebook I'd have to quit my job just to keep up. Anyway...I was grading some papers last night and came across two mistakes in my name that led me to invent a teaching alter ego.

I make everyone put their name, my name, the assignment, and the date at the top of the paper just like every teacher does. And as I was looking over someone's paper last night, I noticed that my first name was not Monica but, in fact, it was really Maniac. Imagine my surprise. I thought about the possibility that this person was insulting me, but then I decided that they just didn't know how to spell my name. When the infallible red squiggle showed up, this person just changed the name to the first option. So Maniac it is.

Then, I have another person who has been calling me O'Bryan all semester long. And really, aren't all Irish pretty much the same? I could get upset about this, but my real last name has only been my last name for a year and a half, so in some ways I feel like O'Neil is my Rent To Own name instead of my married name. Maybe after five years I'll feel like an O'Neil. Maybe not, but that's for a different post.

So after being called both Maniac and O'Bryan last night, I decided I would adopt both names as my teaching/grading alter ego. I informed David of this by saying things like "Maniac O'Bryan's not gonna take any shit from you" or "Maniac O'Bryan likes 12pt Times New Roman" or "Maniac O'Bryan loves the smell of red ink." And I said all of this while punching the air and stomping my feet. Well, he thought I was going crazy, so you can imagine his relief when I told him that I had just adopted a teaching/grading altar ego. Whew!! I mean, crazy people don't do that.

So that's just a little insight into what I do for a living. The fun never stops.

Penny-Anti?

2008-02-28T10:08:00.002-05:00

There's a debate raging in the country that is likely to start another civil war. And who else but Abe Lincoln, or at least his likeness, would find himself at the center of it? Yes, I'm talking about the old penny debate. In the past year or so, copper, zinc, and other metal prices have shot through the roof making it more expensive for the mint to produce coins. Right now, it costs about 1.5 cents to make a penny, which means the production of the penny is costing us millions of dollars a year. There are essentially two arguments in this penny debate/

Argument 1-
The penny is worthless. You can't buy anything with it. It costs too much to make and distribute. It's worth more melted down for it's minimal amount of copper (pennies are mostly zinc)than it is as a piece of currency. So let's abolish the penny.

By the way, it is illegal to melt down your pennies and sell them for copper. Just the fact that this law exists in America not only illustrates to me the worthlessness of the penny but also frightens me because I usually think of smelting currency as a problem in developing countries.

Argument 2-
But, but, but, *sniff sniff* it's the penny! We just gotta keep it. It's been around forever! We won't be able to say, "penny for your thoughts" anymore.

Here's my response to that last one. If anyone offers you a penny for your thoughts, you should punch them in the face. They are essentially saying that your thoughts are worthless.

Here's the real, or at least more logical, argument- If the penny is abolished, prices will round up and cost the consumer more money. You will have to buy juice for $3 instead of $2.98.

So there's the debate. I say get rid of pennies, or at least make it legal to smelt them. I've always wanted to smelt something. Where do you stand? Are you penny-anti? (Har, har, I made a word joke) or are you pro-penny? Or should we just scrap it all and beg the EU to use the euro?

Gross

2008-02-25T21:19:00.002-05:00

Ummm... All I have to say is that Edmund sold his brother and sisters out for nothing because this stuff is naaaassssty. It tasted like chocolate covered rosewater jello. It was devoid of Eastern promise. I understand that the White Witch's Turkish delight was charmed and ensorcelled (totally thesaurused that one)but she had to. That's the only way she could get anyone to eat it.

I probably had the cheapest version, so I'll need to re-try other varieties, but this stuff made me want to vomit. However, I picked up this Turkish Delight in the coolest grocery store ever! It was in the English foods section, naturally. Just for the record, I still like Turkish coffee, Turkish baths, Turkish gold, and Turkish Superman.

Goats

2008-02-21T10:10:00.003-05:00

David and I have been obsessed with goats lately. Yeah, goats. We often say our cat is a goat because she'll eat anything and she loves to be in high places. I've said that goats are the grandfathers of the animal world; they are kind of scary, kind of funny, mercurial, have white beards, and love to eat. These are all things I could say about my own grandfather, God rest his soul.

But last night David and I went on a goat joke tirade that I'll share with you now. Please forgive us for the corny humor, but I actually think some of these are funny. Here's how the goat joke conversation went-

Monica- What do goats use to go shopping? Goat carts.
David- What do goat cheerleaders cheer? Goat team!
Monica- What do goats use to store things? A goat rack.
David- What do goats eat for breakfast? Goatmeal.
Monica- What do you call a goat fashion show? Goat couture (I personally think this is the funniest one)
David- Who do you call when you have a goat problem? Goatbusters.
Monica- What do goats sing in church? Goat tell it on the mountain.

Oh yes, the goat jokes were flying fast and furious for about 15 minutes. If any of you still want to be my friend after that display of lameness, you should leave a comment and post your own goat joke.

Here's to Incest

2008-02-05T16:04:00.000-05:00

When David first started graduate school, he worked at a liquor store part-time. I would go visit him there, but I would hate it because a lot of really gross people went there to feed their daily vice and addiction. I thought it was a really sad place. I also hated it because there were "beer" ads with buxom and scantily clad women plastered on every wall. I put beer in quotations because I don't really consider Miller Lite, Coors Light, or Bud Light real beer and I don't consider those ads beer ads. They are, or course, ads for sex. I know everyone has sounded off on how sexist and awful these ads are. Anytime something can put feminists and the Catholic Church on the same side, you know its pretty offensive across the board. However, I find the Coors Light Twins ads really perplexing. By the way, this is the least salacious and suggestive CLT ad I could find. You can find them on a google search in much more overt poses.

I find these ad really disgusting and I think most intelligent men probably do too, but I'm not a man so I can't really vouch for that. But these ads confuse me for two main reasons.

As far as I know, there are only three issues left in Western culture that are completely taboo: child molestation, cannabalism, and incest. Yet here in this ad, these sisters are saying, "We're ready to have sex with you and with each other. Doesn't that make you feel like drinking a Coors Light, Big Boy?" There it is. It's right out there, incest to sell beer. Granted, I do connect Coors Light with incest, but that's because the people who drink CL are usually the products of it (frat boys, people who work at the Dollar General, people who take professional sports way too seriously). But these ads are worse than just regular, trailer park incest. This is twincest we're witnessing. Yes, twincest- the occurrence of two identical twins willing to have sex with each other, usually to advance their career in porn or "beer" ads. I don't know anyone who gets hot from thinking about incest, but these people must exist because these ads exist.

The second issue that confuses me is really out of my league, but I'm going to try to write about it anyway. This ad addresses that old "two chicks at once" fantasy that I'm told every guy in the world has dreamed of at one time or another. Observe the 01 and 02 on the twins' shirts lest the complex imagery fly over our heads. And if this twins ad accomplished this fantasy, I might be willing to let it go. But I thought the whole idea of "doing two chicks at once" (in the parlance of our time) was that the two chicks in the equation were different and added variety. But here in this ad, we have, for all intents and purposes, the exact same person: same features, same expression, same freaking DNA. So what's the point? Anyone turned on by this might as well have sex with a four armed, four legged, four breasted, two vaginaed, she-beast with pom-poms.

So there you have it. I don't get it. The ad is supposed to suggest exotic, fantastic sex, but it screams twincest. What a great way to market beer.

Part II

2008-01-29T22:05:00.000-05:00

I threw on the extra layers of clothing and embarked on my journey. The wind immediately cut through everything I was wearing and my legs started to go numb. This happened before I made it a block away from the apartment. I could have reasonably called off class for this, but I thought to myself, "gods be damned! These vocational scholars must have their quiz on MLA citation. If they aren't tested on how to cite a weekly periodical, how will I ever know that the esteemed writers of Time and Newsweek will get their proper nod from the academic world?" I pretty much thought that verbatim. And so I trudged on.

After about two blocks, my toes, which were protected only by thin dress socks and flimsy shoes, began to feel like they had rubber bands wrapped tightly around them. After three blocks, I stopped feeling that sensation altogether. That's when I got really scared. I started recalling everything I knew about frostbite and arctic survival, but as an English major, the only information I have comes from fictitious accounts. So... I ran like a madwoman for the next two blocks. Then I realized that "wait, this is exactly what the main character in Jack London's 'To Build a Fire' does right before he dies." See... and they say there are no real world applications for literary types.

Well, I immediately slowed down to a fast walk and regained some of the feeling in my feet by doing some toe calisthenics while trying not to think of a cold and icy death. My air passage ways constricted completely when I finally met a warm blast of air as I entered the school. I thought I was going to hyperventilate for a couple of minutes but I got my breathing under control just in time to teach class. Luckily, the walk back was about 20 degrees warmer and so felt like Spring Break 2008 in comparison to earlier that morning.

We let the truck sit all that night in hopes that it would thaw out by Saturday evening. Saturday rolled around and we took a walk down wretched Thrall armed with hammers, a screw driver, and a wrench. As I suspected, the truck had only thawed slightly. We then commenced banging and thrashing on the thick ice that surrounded our wheels. After a considerable amount of clobbering, we tried to move the truck but to no avail. And then in a stroke of genius, I said with icy wrench in hand, "You'd think this is just the type of occasion that our membership in AAA would come in handy." David quickly agreed and we called AAA to come liberate us from the icy shackles that had oppressed us for two days.

O'Neil's Arctic Adventure

2008-01-27T22:28:00.000-05:00

Thursday and Friday were the coldest days so far here in Cincinnati. Both days I walked to work... not completely of my own volition. It displeased me greatly. Here's what happened.

Wednesday night, my husband came home from his job, a job he is technically not supposed to have, by the way, because the University of Cincinnati expects him to support himself and his needy wife on a somewhat paltry sum. Anyway, it was late, so he had to park on a different street than we usually use...and he didn't tell me about it (I'm not so mad because of the aforementioned illegal job and needy wife). The next day, he rode the bus to school in order to let me have the truck to drive to school. I went to our normal parking street,Bryant, to look for the truck, but it was not there. Then I went to our back-up parking street, Whitfield, but the truck was not there either. By this time the 15 degree weather and the fact that I'm supposed to be at work in 20 minutes is starting to get to me. I frantically call David even though I know he's in class. When the phone connects the first voice I hear is a erudite woman saying something about archeology. I know that his phone has gone off in class and only have about two seconds before he hangs up the phone, so I scream "Where the hell did you park the truck!!!!" Then I hear a hang up tone. Later, David would tell me that he would have texted me the location but he was sitting right next to the professor at the time. So I think archeology lady probably knew we were having parking problems. With a grimace, I started to walk the mile to work in a light coat, dress slacks, dress socks, and no hat or gloves whatsoever. And I was late to work. Punctuality should have been next to godliness in my opinion, so this was really, really bad.

Friday- It's about 10 degrees with a windchill of Siberian tundra proportions. I start the morning think to myself that it'll be a good day because David told me where he parked the truck, I won't have to walk, and I won't have to interrupt David's class by screaming obscenities. Thrall Street, by the way. That's where it was parked. I hardly know where Thrall Street is. So as I'm walking down Middleton and turning on the cursed Thrall Street, I notice that the street is kind of icy, which is weird because it hasn't snowed here for a week or two. As I'm walking further down Thrall, which is on a hill, I noticed that it was getting really icy. The cars I was passing had an inch or two of ice built up around the wheels. In the cold weather, a water main had burst and all of the flooding water froze on the street Thursday night. I thought to myself, "Gee, whoever is parked at the bottom of this hill is really going to be frozen to the street." Do I even need to tell you who parked at the bottom of that hill? I didn't think so.

Well, I get to the truck, which has about four inches of solid ice surrounding the wheels, and I start laughing one of those laughs that only maniacs have. I started the truck just to see how bad the situation was. When I pressed on the gas, the wheels did not move. At all. To make matters worse, there was a brand new SUV parked about a foot in front of me, so if my little 1990 Ford Ranger ever did break loose, I would have smacked to son of bitch in the bumper going about 80 miles an hour.

I got out of the truck and called David just to tell him about his impeccable parking spot. He was sitting in an apartment with the thermostat on 71 at the time, so he thought it was a little funnier than I did. To help mollify my anger, he said he'd meet me at the lobby door to give me a hat, scarf, and gloves for my freezing cold walk to work. To be continued...

Part II will be up soon.

Correction

2008-01-26T14:31:00.000-05:00

Ummm.. Just a little correction. I'll be home Tuesday the 29th through that Sunday. I hope no one thought I was ignoring them. Sorry!!

I do have internet as of four minutes ago. This means I'll definitely be blogging more again.

And here is a picture of Flannery

Avalanche

2008-01-22T15:59:00.001-05:00

So, I know I haven't posted lately. I'd like to be able to say that this will be a really long post, but it won't be. I've been buried under the avalanche of Mt. Composition Papers. Its peak is said to be almost as high as Mt. Everest and it is deadlier than Everest's north face. I'm breathing from an oxygen tank as we speak. I haven't even read anyone's blog in weeks. Here is a short synopsis of what's I've been up to:

1) I got a black and white kitten for Christmas. Her name is Flannery. I'll post pictures later.
2) We got a computer and we'll have internet in our very own home starting Saturday.
3) It turns out I didn't need a root canal(most of you probably didn't even know I was in danger of needing one). This is why we bought a computer. We instead named the computer "Root Canal"
4) The semester ends here on Monday and I'll be home Tuesday the 22nd through that Sunday.

Everywhere You Look

2007-12-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Midnight Mass rocked as did the party afterward. Christmas always makes reflect back on childhood memories. As I was reflecting back on a certain childhood memory a couple of days ago, I became confused and scared. The following is why.

I was thinking back to a time in elementary school. This was an awkward period for me to say the least. I wasn't completely sure I wanted to be a girl yet, and I shunned all dolls, pink things, flowers, etc. This made my mother so angry because she worked at a children's clothing store at the time and would bring home really cute clothes that I refused to wear. Sooooo....I had a unique fashion sense. Anyhow, here's the memory. One day I wore an outfit to school that I just loved. However, when I got to school all the other kids made fun of me for wearing it. I started feeling bad as I remembered how those terrible kids teased me. But the more I got to thinking about the memory, the less sure I was that the event had ever happened. In fact, I thought to myself, didn't I see an episode of Full House where the exact same thing happened? Wasn't it really DJ Tanner who was teased for her outfit and not me? This is where I got really scared. What other childhood memories had I confused with DJ Tanner's life. Maybe I never really dated a guy from the wrestling team who sounded just like Aladdin. Perhaps my best friend and I were never locked out of my car while doing a Chinese fire drill at a stop sign. Maybe I never had three slightly gay father figures.

Okay, so maybe those last examples were a bit over the top, but now I really am confused about whether I was ever made fun of in school for an outfit that I wore (to my face. I'm pretty sure I was constantly made fun of behind my back.) As I see it, there are only two possibilities. 1)I really was made fun of in school for something I wore and when I remembered it I automatically equated it with something that happened on Full House. 2) Only DJ Tanner was made fun of for something she wore and I somehow got my life mixed up with a fictitious character. Either possibility freaks me out. I do not want my memories equated with bad television shows, and I really do not want to mistake events that happened to fake people with something that happened to me in real life. I mean, If this kind of thing is happening now when I'm 26, I can only imagine how bad it will be when I'm 76. I'll probably be telling my grandchildren how I lost my one true love to a ship wreck in the arctic.

I have a friend from school who says her father never allowed her to watch Full House as a child. I can only envy her now. At least she knows her memories are safe.

Ponder Nothing Earthly Minded

2007-12-19T13:58:00.000-05:00

LET ALL MORTAL FLESH KEEP SILENCE

Let all the earth keep silence before Him. Habakkuk 2:20

Let all mortal flesh keep silence,
And with fear and trembling stand;
Ponder nothing earthly minded,
For with blessing in His hand,
Christ our God to earth descendeth,
Our full homage to demand.

King of kings, yet born of Mary,
As of old on earth He stood,
Lord of lords, in human vesture,
In the body and the blood;
He will give to all the faithful
His own self for heavenly food.

Rank on rank the host of heaven
Spreads its vanguard on the way,
As the Light of light descendeth
From the realms of endless day,
That the powers of hell may vanish
As the darkness clears away.

At His feet the six winged seraph,
Cherubim with sleepless eye,
Veil their faces to the presence,
As with ceaseless voice they cry:
Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, Lord Most High!

Dulce Et Decorum Est

2007-12-06T12:05:00.000-05:00

When we were in Ft. Wayne recently, David and I went to see No Country for Old Men and 3:10 to Yuma. This was exciting for us because we hadn't been to a movie since our wedding anniversary, May 20th. While waiting for 3:10 to start, the theater was playing a music video by 3 Doors Down. This video was interesting because it was promotional video for the national guard. The band starts out singing this song on some barren landscape and then moves to show reenactment footage from famous American battles along with the national guard's bread and butter- shots of people looking cool while jumping out of helicopters. I turned to David and told him that the band had just become the modern day Horace. Horace, or course, fought in the Roman army and then later went on to be placed firmly under the patronage(and thumb) of Augustus by way of Maecenas. He wrote some patriotic poetry in support of Augustus' moral reforms. Probably one of Horace's most famous works is his ode in which he says, "Dulce et decorum est pro partia mori", or "It is sweet and fitting to die for one's country".

I thought about this line for a couple of days and it inevitably led me to re-read Wilfred Owen's "Dulce Et Decorum Est". Owen was a British soldier who fought and died in WWI. IN the poem Owen writes about the horrors of WWI:

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

I never knew much about WWI except that a lot of unstable monarchies were fighting, at least nominally, because Franz Ferdinand was shot. Well, I checked out a book on WWI last Friday and I'm almost done with it. I was aware that many men died during these battles, but it is overwhelming to me to read statistics like 250,000 people died during a single, albeit, long battle. It guess it's all the more overwhelming because it never seemed that any of the major belligerents had clear war aims. To say that thousands of men died in vain is an understatement.

I'm particularly interested in learning about the disintegration of monarchies, resulting revolutions,war tactics at the beginning of the modern age, and documented cases of the mental stresses of "The Great War".

I remember reading Sebastian Barry's A Long Long Way in grad school and thinking that I should learn more about WWI. Now that I'm out of school I actually have time to do so.

Praise God(dess) (if you want)

2007-12-03T13:42:00.000-05:00

Thank non-gender specific, politically correct, non-judgemental, life spirit-deity being! I've finally found a church for me!! Who knew I could go to a church where God wasn't allowed in order for me to find out whether he or she or it exists? I'm glad God isn't at this church. I found that pressure to praise the all knowing, all seeing deity (or not, I haven't figured it out yet and I don't want to influence your thought) really got in the way of important church activities like potlucks, free trade coffee tastings, and ultimate frisbee tournaments.

Freegan Microwave

2007-11-29T14:42:00.000-05:00

It's been hard to keep up on the posting lately. I teach from 9-1 on MWF this semester and I tutor on Tuesdays (and soon also Thursdays) from 9-2. This means I have to use most of my time before 9 on the computer prepping for class. It also means that I don't want to hang around after class to play around on the computer. I guess one day we'll get a laptop. I imagine once David will want one once he starts his dissertation. Anyhow, back to blogging and such. Recently, my friend, Elisabeth,suggested that I get on Facebook. I know I should because I already have an empty profile and many of my friends are on there. Yet I worry that if I keep a blog, converse on myspace, and then start monkeying around on Facebook, I'll have to quit my job to become a full-time elecrtonic social networker. I've heard it doesn't pay much.

Well, onto the title of my post. Nope, I'm not angry at our microwave. In fact, until Sunday at approximately 11:30, we didn't have a microwave. As we were walking back to our apartment after church, we happened upon a microwave sitting out on the curb across the street from our building. I wanted to pick up this microwave and take it back to our apartment, but I was paralyzed by the fear that I would look like a stupid, poor trash picker for the thirty seconds it would have taken me to walk it across the street and into our building. Luckily, David was not hindered by this fear. He picked it up and we went to our apartment to see if it worked. It actually does work to our surprise. I cleaned it thoroughly, but it still smells like a sickening combination of all the foods that have ever been prepared inside of it. Think of the microwave in the break room of your first job that no one ever cleaned. I hate the microwave smell. But our freegan microwave does work and the smell, which I think most microwaves that are not cleaned daily acquire, does not affect the taste or our food, so it's a keeper.

If we had done this five years ago, it would have been called trash picking, but today it has a much hipper, cutting edge, and socially aware name: Freeganism. Vegans, who, in my experience, are always looking for ways to make their eating routines more bizarre and are also looking for ways to whine more frequently about how hard it is to live under self-imposed dietary restrictions, have added a new element to their stringent practices. Some feel that even if they eat a vegan diet, the money they spent on that food may have gone to people who firebomb duck ponds, cut down redwoods to make a single toothpick, or majored in something besides peace studies in college. In order to insure that their money does not go to Hoggish Greedly types, freegans rummage through the dumpsters of supermarkets and other stores to provide food, clothing, and furniture for themselves.

And although I poke fun at their ideology, I have to agree with freegans in basic principle if not in practice. Our country is incredibly wasteful. We throw away things if they are not absolutely perfect. And we do this because we know that we can go to Wal-Mart and replace whatever it was with another poorly made model for $2.88. We surround ourselves with stuff and then make believe that the stuff defines who we are or makes us better people for owning it. But I'll get off my soapbox because I am equally annoyed by the people who treat me like I just killed a small business owner's baby because I went to Starbucks.

Well, our freegan microwave rocks. And kudos to the vegans and freegans for finding a way to make eating more difficult and more idealistic yet again. I am happy to have benefited from another person's trash- even if I made my husband do the fetching.

Christian Music

2007-11-13T16:41:00.000-05:00

I'm here at work. I should be making a syllabus for my English 102 students. I'm not doing that. Instead, I want to talk about modern Christian Music... and how I pretty much hate it. I'm not talking about church music. That is a completely different subject. I'm talking about rock 'n roll the Lord's way or whatever you want to call it. I think that fewer Catholics on the whole listen to Christian pop music, and I have to say that for that reason this post goes against my general religious inclinations at the moment. Right now, in the non-blogging world, I'm feeling the call to reach out to as many non-Catholics as possible to let them know that there are really awesome and positive aspects about being Catholic. And yet, I hold a special hatred for really lame-ass music (and a special love for making outrageous claims). And so I'm writing this post. The following is an explanation of my reasons.

1. This Band Sounds Just Like Creed
For half the Christian pop bands I've ever heard of, I've been told that they sound "just like Creed." That's a huge strike one. I don't even listen to that crappy band, so why would I want to listen to a heavier handed, crappier version of a band I hate? And more importantly, why are so many Christian bands imitating such a supertard band? I guess this reason hits at a larger issue. I don't like most music that I hear on pop radio stations these days, so I guess it would follow that I wouldn't like their Christian counterparts. I can remember when this started. I was in high school and a friend was taking me to school. A Matchbox 20 song came on the radio and I thought I was going to die of a severe lame overdose by the time the song ended. I just kept thinking that there had to be better music out there somewhere and that one day I would find it. That's the only reason I didn't die that day. And I did go on to find better music on smaller labels and with original sounds.

2. If You Like 50 Cent, You'll Love Tithe 2 Him
I read an article in Touchstone a few months ago that equated Christian pop music to those Designer Impostors perfumes. You know the type: "If you like Calvin Klein's Obsession, you'll love Unstable Stalker." The article said that some Christian music stores even have conversion charts. So say you like 50 Cent's style, but you hate all his sinning, cursing, and references to criminal activity. Not a problem! Just go to your nearest Christian retailer, look up ol' fiddy, and find the Christian version of him on the chart. David asked me once why I become so angry when I talk about Christian music, and I think this kind of thing is at the heart of it. People in the Christian goods market are out to make a buck just as quickly at the next guy. And many people fall for it because, hey, as long as it is "Christian" then it is acceptable. No one will have to explain to their friends why they are listening to certain music or reading certain books as long as they have been labeled Christian. Think about it. You wouldn't buy your kid a meat cleaver. But what if it was a Veggie Tales meat cleaver? Slap a picture of a Christian tomato on that bad boy and you just might reconsider. After all, it is Christian. Had enough of your pagan tic tacs? Just go to the Christian outlet and buy yourself some "Testamints" as a Christian alternative. So, I guess my second problem with Christian music expands out to the Christian goods market and the disgusting lengths it will go to in order to make a buck. Oh, and this also includes the people willing to buy this stuff. Honestly, a lot of Christian retail stores make me want to vomit.

3. Gross Misuse of Initials,Numbers, and Zs
I think everyone knows that Christian bands try too hard to sound cool by adding numbers or initials to the names of their bands. Ever hear 4Him, DC Talk, Reliant K, 3inOne,FFH, or DJ Morphiziz? Wow. All I have to say about that last one is WTF? I can see the meeting between the agent and this guy in my head.

Agent: Say, we're gonna sign you to our label. Do you have a catchy rapper name?

DJ Morphiziz: Well, I was thinking about something to do with morphing, because God really morphed my life.

Agent: Morph, morph. I like it, but could we throw some Zs in? Kids really love Zs.

DJ Morphiziz: Well, I guess I could do DJ Morphiziz.

Agent: That's great, kid. I love it. The Zs are the kicker. In no way will this make you sound stupid.

4. Sounds Better When You Are Drunk
I generally avoid drunkenness and anything that sounds better to me when I'm drunk. Taco Bell is a great example of that. Here's another example- I remember once I rode a skateboard down New York Street hill. At night. Bare foot. With a beer in my hand. I had been on a skateboard about three times in my life before that. I know this wouldn't have sounded like a good idea except for all that Gin I imbibed about a half an hour earlier. I also remember when my friend Jack punched his hand through a window at Wabash in order to show a freshman about "drunken responsibility." I know that wouldn't have sounded like a good idea if he wasn't drunk. What's my point you ask? Well, my friend John has gotten me to listen to Christian music while I was drunk. Each time I resisted, and each time he told me that Christian music is best listened to drunk. And what happened? I had a totally awesome rock out session to "Our God is an Awesome God" and "Sister Christian," two songs I hate when I'm sober.

Actually, what's the whole point to all this? Do I think that everyone who listens to Christian music sucks? No. Do I think their taste in music sucks? Well, I can't judge too quickly. I just don't like Christian music and I think Christian retail is just as profit driven as any other market... unless I'm drunk.

Inspiration

2007-11-03T12:06:00.000-04:00

I have a great post up in my head that I want to write. It would be great. I'm sure it would be funny and I'm sure it might infuriate someone, which is the best kind of post. However, I've been a little too depressed lately to try to be funny. Well, let's not call it depressed. That conjures up too bleak a picture. Let's call it crestfallen. No one can be that sad if they say they're crestfallen.

We went to a party last night. It was cool, but I felt like was a little rusty on the whole talking to people who aren't David issue. I tried to be nice, pleasant, and not too weird. Who knows? Maybe I pulled it off. The people at the party were genuinely neat and interesting. It was a bunch of classicists and their spouses, and as someone with a classics background and a spouse, I wasn't entirely out of my element. One of the coolest parts about the party was that the hosts (a classics PhD student and her husband)live two floors below us. What is even cooler is that they play board games!! They have all the good ones like Settlers, Caylus, Powergrid, Puerto Rico and so on. I think we're going to play games with them in the future. Well, actually, David is ditching me tonight to play board games with his classmate's husband, his professor's husband, and other people.

David said I had to wait a year before applying to a PhD program. But then yesterday he said I could apply for next fall. I am at least looking into it. How's work you say? Well, I'll just say that I have never been so inspired to go back to school in all my life, and my students are the ones who have inspired me to do it. They are a very inspirational group. Oh, case in point- I'm in a computer lab right now, and an inspirational student (not mine) just came up to me as I was typing the previous sentence and asked me if I was a fast typer. I said I was and asked why. He asked me if I wanted to make three dollars by typing his English comp paper for him. I responded that I didn't think I should considering that I am an English comp teacher at this very school. There was a lot of backpedaling and mumbling before he went back to his computer. I have not seen him solicit anyone else. Ah, inspiration. It really can come from anywhere.

All Souls' Day

2007-10-31T10:01:00.000-04:00

Father of all, we pray to thee for those we love but see no longer. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, we pray thee to set thy passion, cross, and death, between thy judgment and our souls, now and in the hour of our death. Give mercy and grace to the living, pardon and rest to the dead, to thy holy Church peace and concord, and to us sinners everlasting life and glory; who with the Father and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, now and ever.

Ross Arnett, Jr.
Mary Arnett
Robert Crowell
Jo Ann Crowell
Elizabeth Russell
Thomas Russell
And for all the faithful departed

Réquiem ætérnam dona eis, Dómine,
et lux perpétua lúceat eis.
Requiéscant in pace. Amen.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May they rest in peace. Amen.

The Feast of All Saints

2007-10-31T09:50:00.000-04:00

Sancti Omnes, orate pro nobis!

Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

Mary and Joseph, pray for us.
Michael and all angels, pray for us.
Anna, Joachim, Elizabeth, pray for us.
Elijah, Moses, John the Baptist, pray for us.
Isaac, Sarah, Abraham, pray for us.
Jacob, Joseph, Samuel, pray for us.
Ruth, David and Solomon, pray for us.
Isaiah, Jeremiah, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Peter, Paul, Andrew, pray for us.
James, John, and all apostles, pray for us.
Mary Magdelene, Veronica, pray for us.
Barnabas, Matthias, pray for us.
Stephen, Philip, and Cornelius, pray for us.
Prisca and Aquila, pray for us.
Timothy and Titus, pray for us.
Linus, Cletus, and Clement, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Lawrence and Chrysogonus, pray for us.
Innocent and Boniface, pray for us.
Hippolytus and Origen, pray for us.
Athanasius and Basil, pray for us.
Felicity, Perpetua, pray for us.
Cosmos and Damien, pray for us.
John Chrysostom and Justin, pray for us.
Lucy, Agatha, and Agnes, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Jerome and Eusebius, pray for us.
Scholastica and Benedict, pray for us.
Ambrose, Monica, Augustine, pray for us.
Martin and Gregory, pray for us.
Clare, Francis, and Dominic, pray for us.
Francis Xavier, Ignatius, pray for us.
Elizabeth and Catherine, pray for us.
Louis and Wenceslaus, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Lord, be merciful, save your people.
From all evil, save your people.
From every sin, save your people.
From everlasting damnation, save your people.
By your incarnation, save your people.
By your death and resurrection, save your people.
By your gift of the spirit, save your people.
Have mercy on us sinners, save your people.
Christ hear us, Lord Jesus hear our prayer.

Lord give new life, hear our prayer.
To his chosen, hear our prayer.
By the grace of baptism, hear our prayer.
Oh Jesus Son of the living God, hear our prayer.
Send your Spirit, hear our prayer.
In its fullness, hear our prayer.
On your sons and daughters, hear our prayer.
Who believe and profess you, hear our prayer.
Christ hear us, Lord Jesus hear our prayer.

AJ Update

2007-10-31T09:21:00.000-04:00

Anthony Jr. has been home for about two weeks now. He has gotten so big. It is odd to count a 5 month old baby that weighs 6 lbs big, but it is big for him. He's doing very well. He came home with only oxygen and a feeding tube, which is really great. My mom says he is a very animated baby and even has a little bit of a temper. I'll place money that he gets that from the Arnetts. Anyway, here is a pic of him and my brother.

Post-it Note

2007-10-29T09:15:00.001-04:00

I haven't had a lot of time to write lately. The semester (or quarter or term or whatever they call it here) is winding down and there is only a week left of classes. After this week I get a week off of work. Yay! I teach four classes next semester (two English 101s and two English 102s) and I'll be working at the writing lab for a pretty sweet hourly sum. I'm coming home from November 5th to November 10th.

I had lots of bad dreams last night. I had a dream that someone close to me died. I also had a dream that I had a baby that killed me and ate my brain. I don't even want to get into the symbolism. I'll just bury that dream in a dark place and wait for it to manifest itself through an irrational fear or another personality. Whoo!

I'll have a real post soon.

School Daze

2007-10-19T09:52:00.000-04:00

Well, yeah... I am seriously thinking about going back to get my PhD now. Wow. That took less than six months (and less than two months on the job) for me to realize that working isn't that much fun. It's funny because when I finished in May, I was all like, "I'm never going back to school. It's no fun and almost everyone in academia is disassociated from the world of real people." You know, real people? The people who have never even heard about the Junius manuscript, and even if they did hear about it, they wouldn't care at all. I think this is at least 99.98% of the world's population, but I haven't done the math.

I still believe that last part- the part about academics being disassociated from the real world. I'm just excited about it now instead of disheartened. David had a good insight yesterday about our different motivations for wanting a PhD. He said that I want to be an academic (aka- someone who has the degree, the job, and can spout off some smart stuff) but I don't want to get involved with expert research and specialized study. He, on the other hand, wants to get involved with the research and specialized study, but he doesn't necessarily want the associations that go along with being an academic. (It sounded better and I'm sure made more sense when he said it)

It's true that we have used the term "academic" as a dirty word in our household before, but that's because many professors seem zeroed in on just one aspect of life and it gets under our skin. But on Wednesday and Thursday I got to talk to some professors and former classmates who are really cool and don't seem disconnected at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've found out that I can be an academic and a real person at the same time. I can tell people about the Augustinian influences in Donne's poems and still mistake Rowan Williams for Rowan Atkinson all in the same day.

So I'm going to check out UC's comparative lit. department next week and I'll go from there.

In Lafayette

2007-10-18T10:50:00.001-04:00

The prize winning David O'Neil has just graciously deposited his prize winning check into our (not so) prize winning joint bank account. Perhaps I should let him keep it all and spend the whole wad on Chipotle like he would probably do. What's the point of having a prize if you can't buy neat or yummy things with it? But alas, the check is going toward rent. Boo.

The awards ceremony last night was nice because I got to see the person I love recognized as a fellow who is a promising scholar and cool guy. It was also neat because it made me think about going back for my PhD.

We're in Lafayette right now, but we have to go back in about three hours. Boo again.

My Birthday Week Approacheth

2007-10-10T08:50:00.000-04:00

I, like Caitie, absolutely love my birthday. Most people probably love their birthday even if they don't admit it or act like it. I just happen to act like it. A lot. First, I happen to be born in the best month of the entire year: October. This is the month where the weather is perfect, football is on every weekend, everybody wears their cutest clothes, and people have entire celebrations devoted to good beer. But it gets even better for me. I happen to be born on the best day of the best month, which is the 15th. I get to say I was born on the ides of October, and that would be cool enough. However, October 15th also happens to be the day the Gregorian calendar was put into effect. See, the Julian calendar had some problems with it, and in 1582 Pope Gregory XIII was told something had to be done. The vernal equinox was drifting back and the date of Easter was way off, and there were about ten days that needed to be scratched from the calender. So Gregory XIII said that everyone would go to sleep on October 4th and they would wake up on Monica's birthday...I mean October 15th. From then on, the Gregorian calendar has been in place. As if the day couldn't get any better, October 15th is also the feast day of St. Theresa of Avila. So as you can see, this day is extremely cool. I'm so glad I decided to be born on October 15th instead of my due date at the end of November.

But you might be asking yourself about the title of this post. What the hell is a Birthday Week? Well, about six years back I was a little stressed out about my approaching birthday. How was I going to visit all my family, various groups of friends, see David, and have some coveted time to myself all in one day? And then it hit me. Like a modern day calendar wizard, I decided to expand my birthday to an entire week. Pope Gregory XIII would be proud, I think. I decided that I would do some special things by myself a couple of days before my birthday, spend my real birthday with my family, and spend the rest of the week with friends. The result was a smashing success. Here's my Birthday Week itinerary for this year-

October 13th (Saturday)-Birthday Week opening ceremonies, ie, mention to David that my Birthday Week has begun. Go to the Cincinnati Art Museum, which is free, and look at all the cool exhibits.

October 14th(Sunday)- Go to mass. Then veg out on documentaries from the library and drink iced coffee all day. Oh, by the way, when you go to church on the 14th you have to keep me in your prayers and request that I become a better wife, daughter, sister, and friend. This is a Birthday Week Decree, so it can't be refused. Anyway, most of you know me, and you know I need these prayers. It'll actually be to your benefit.

October 15th, my actual birthday(Monday)- Go to mass in the morning if I can swing it. By the way, all those who go to daily mass can pray for me on this day as well. Then after work, David is taking me out to Olives, a hip little restaurant down the street from us. He says I can even get dessert. Woot.

October 16th (Tuesday)- Sleep in. Wake up whenever and take a lovely walk around our cool neighborhood. I plan to stop by all the cool little shops on our street and look at all the neat houses around the block.

October 17th (Wednesday)- Go to Lafayette for David's Outstanding Thesis award. See how gracious I am? I'm sharing my Birthday Week limelight with David. David will be presented with a $500 check and we'll get a $350 travel voucher. That means we've rented a sedan to come to Lafayette, booked a room at the Holiday Inn Select with a king sized bed, and have planned a trip to exotic Thai. I also get to see my parents who will be there for the award thing. After the award ceremony or whatever it is, we're going to Kristin's parents' house to hang out with Kristin et al.

October 18th (Thursday)- Wake up in a king sized bed. Go to breakfast on Purdue's dime. Walk from the Holiday Inn Select to the Frozen Custard in Wabash Landing. Order a Boilermaker Sundae, which is a Birthday Week tradition. Go to lunch with my parents if both of them can make it. Go back to Cincinnati.

October 19 (Friday)- Birthday Week closing ceremonies. Officially recognize that I am 26 years old.

Sounds like an awesome Birthday Week to me. If you'd like a birthday week of your own, I suggest the following. First, you need to have family, friends, and a spouse/significant other that will put up with your tyrannical egotism for a week. Luckily, I've been blessed to have such a family, spouse, and friends. Second, about five days before your birthday, start casually dropping into conversation or posting on your blog that your Birthday Week is approaching. Most people will go along with it. Finally, plan a special event every day of your Birthday Week. Start two days before your actual birthday and end four days after.

Update Shmupdate

2007-10-06T11:17:00.000-04:00

Well, I suppose I ought to update. I don't have anything going on though. Everything is boring.

I met some of David's classmates last night. They are all very nice.

Last week our neighborhood had a Streetscapes Festival. Artists throughout the city drew famous works of art in sidewalk chalk on Telford street, which is about two streets down from us. The chalk was actually a special chalk mixed with linseed oil and soap. As a result, many of the pictures are still on the street to look at. One artist did a huge Pieta (The one by Bouguereau) right in the middle of the street. It was excellent. It's interesting to walk down Telford and see the Blessed Virgin holding Christ crucified in the middle of the street, but it works. This weekend, our neighborhood is hosting a microbrew festival. People can sample from over 60 small batch beers right in the heart of Clifton. We aren't going to that, but we are planning to go to an apple cider festival tomorrow. It's at Hidden Valley Fruit Farm. They'll have several kinds of cider, hayrides, and other apple/ fall related activities. The best part is that it's free.

Oh, tomorrow we're going to try a new curch. We've been going to this church in Northside called St. Boniface. Pretty funny considering that's the name of our parrish in Lafayette. Anyway, St. Boniface in Northside is one of the most beautiful chruches I've been to, and that includes all the churches in Rome and Florence. It doesn't have the same grandure as the Italian churches, but St. Boniface does have beautiful mosaics, stained glass, a marble canopy, and on and on. Well, the preists there are just so-so. They are the kind that don't make you say your act of contrition because they assume you were contrite before you got to confession. So tomorrow we'll go to Annunciation Catholic Church, which claims to be "the Catholic church in the heart of Clifton." It's about six blocks away from our apartment and we'll be able to walk there. I actually walked there on the feast of St. Francis to check it out. I would have passed by this building if it didn't say Annunciation Church on the front of it, and It's not because it looks like some new fangled modern church. In fact, it looks exactly like an ancient Greek temple complete with corinthian pillars. The church isn't as pretty at St. Boniface on the inside or the outside, but it still has its charms. It has a huge dome behind the altar and there is a mural of the Annunciation painted on it. Surrounding the painting of Gabriel and Mary are paintings of scores of saints. It has the tabernacle in the middle, and (be still my little heart) they have a communion rail!!!! I hope they use it. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Most importantly, I hope the priests are solid.

Gold Tooth Guy

2007-09-28T12:14:00.000-04:00

I came across a new saying a couple of days ago. I was walking behind two guys on Ludlow Ave, and I was shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation. One guy was talking about how he used to be the best football player on his high school team. He was saying how he would do anything for the team and the team really counted on him to do whatever they needed. Then he said something that truly perplexed me. He said, "Man, I was the Gold Tooth Guy." What? What on earth could this possibly mean? He clearly said Gold Tooth Guy. His friend just nodded in recognition,so he must have known what it meant. Then I realized that this man meant that he was the Go To Guy on the team. Other phrases like this have changed in the past. A chest of drawers had now become Chester drawers. Some people have started calling Alzheimer's disease Old-timers disease. I'm sure we have all heard that it is a Doggy dog world instead of a dog eat dog world. But Gold Tooth Guy? This was really interesting to me and more than just a tad hilarious.

I've only had two linguistics classes in my life and I couldn't think of a term for what I had just heard. I raced home and told David, our resident linguist, the entire story. I then asked him what the term was for this kind of mispronunciation. David told me, "I don't know. That doesn't even sound like real linguistics. It sounds more like sociolinguistics." Great. A linguistics elitist. Anyhow, when I get home tonight (I'm at school right now) I'm going to look through my linguistics books to see if their is a more professional term for what I heard.

But something else came out of this discussion of Gold Tooth Guy Vs. Go To Guy. Apparently, I don't know what the term "Go To Guy" even means. I told David that it meant a person on the team who would "Go to it." He's the guy who does what the coaches ask of him no matter what. The Go To Guy is a hard worker. David found this about as hilarious as the original Good Tooth Guy discussion. He told me that, in fact, this is not what Go To Guy means. David says Go To Guy means that there is a person on the team that everyone "Goes to" in a clutch or important situation. We had a half hour long discussion about it. I'll admit that David has better evidence, but I've decided that I think it means both. What do you think? Also, if you have ever heard the expression Gold Tooth Guy or any other mispronunciation of a common phrase, leave a comment and tell me all about it.

CVS Psychic?

2007-09-24T08:59:00.000-04:00

We live right across the street from a CVS. Most of you know my hatred for CVS. I worked at Osco for eight years. I didn't love, love, love the job, but it was really very little work. Most times I would go to work, hang out in the stock room talking to my supervisors, ignore calls for price checks, take a long break and call it a day. I'm sure most of you are getting a bad impression of my work ethic. I assure you that it is good, but only for non-corporate things. I'm not one to complain about "the man," but I'm really bad at memorising stupid corporate acronyms such as "P.R.I.D.E." and the like. I think "P.R.I.D.E" had something to do with customer service, but I can't remember. I'm also not good at smiling just because someone tells me to smile. Anyhow, after eight years, I actually formed a loyalty to Osco. I told myself that Osco was much better than Walgreen's and it was certainly better than those crappy CVS stores. I mean really, who the hell carpets a drug store? It's wrong.

Well, I quit when I got the job teaching Latin, and less than 6 months later, CVS bought out Osco. I was crushed. Any company that let me get away with so little work for eight years had my sympathy. I also felt guilt. Had I played a part in Osco's demise? Did I take one 45 minute break too many? And I was worried that CVS would try to screw over my aunt, who worked for Osco for 27 years and had loads saved up in retirement. CVS fired lots of people, including my favorite supervisor, but they did keep my aunt. But I've heard that they have awful employment practices and everyone is always in fear of being fired.

So it is hard for me to go into a CVS. But as I live in a big(ger) city now, I feel that I should walk to the places I can because I don't want to move my non-power steering truck and come back to wrestle this vehicle in between two Jettas.

Last night I needed quarters to do laundry, and I thought I would go to CVS to get them. David says there is a man who works Sunday nights there and he is really friendly. Not only that, but when David went to buy aluminum foil at CVS, this man guessed that he needed the foil for grilling. Without a word from David hinting at such. Weird. So I'm in CVS and I pick up a tube of toothpaste and take it up to this friendly guy. He rings up the toothpaste and I debit five dollars back. Without a word from me, he says, "Doing laundry? I can give that back to you in quarters." My jaw dropped. I said that that would be great. I could have wanted the five dollars for anything, but this man knew it was for laundry. It's not like he said "Oh toothpaste. You gonna brush your teeth?" Just like the foil, it was not obvious what I was going to do with this money.

So I've devised this plan to find out for sure whether this guy has some kind of extra sense. The next time I have indigestion, I'm going to go in and buy a box of baking soda. It works wonders on an upset stomach. My dad uses baking soda for any stomach ailment. If he'd ever get an ulcer he'd just drink some baking soda and water, and I half believe it would repair the ulcer. Well, there have been entire books written about the thousands of uses of baking soda. Will the man from CVS "guess" that I have indigestion, or will he kindly posit that I'm trying to clean the grout between my bathroom tile? Or will he just flat out tell me that he knows I'm running an experiment to see if he's psychic? I'll be sure to let you know.

I Came, I Saw, I Worked, I Quit

2007-09-17T10:36:00.000-04:00

The job at the bagel place did not work out. I'm sure many of you are gearing up the parental phrase, "If you commit to something, you have to stick with it." So ground me. This job sucked in every way imaginable. I knew after two hours that I didn't want to work there, and I stuck with it for three days.

Here's what I thought working at a bagel shop would be like- Setting: A sleepy little corner bagel shop. A couple of old people would come in and ask me to make them a toasted bagel with some cream cheese. I'd smile and tell a funny anecdote while I poured a fresh cup of coffee for the both of them. Ten minutes later, another couple of people would drift in, and I would start the process over again. Well, this surely did not happen.

I was told on the day I started that this was the busiest Bruegger's Bagels in the country. I worried a little at that, but I asked myself, "How many people could possibly want to eat bagels?" A freaking lot! The "rush" at this store lasted from 9 am to 2pm. My shoe came untied at 9:30 and I did not have a chance to tie it until I clocked out to go home. Some people might be able to handle this pace, but I cannot. I don't think I'm lazy. I just can't handle the "bustle," as David calls it. And what does it mean that I can't handle the bustle? Does it mean I pout? No. Does it mean I get tired? No. Does it mean I want to yell curse words at the patrons? Well, sometimes. But mostly when I have to rush around for hours on end, it means I get panic attacks. So while I'm making some lady's $2.19 cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, she doesn't know that I'm so hot I could pass out, my left arm is going numb, and I'm envisioning that my windpipe is closing up. So yeah, I get panic attacks from bagels. After two days of this, I started asking myself if panic attacks and constantly smelling like red onions were worth $7.25 an hour. I determined that they are not. I don't think I'm above that type of work. I don't think I'm better than anybody who does that work. I'm just not good at it. Perhaps if I was 16 and this was my first job I could stand it. But as it is, I hated it with a passion.

So on my second (and second to last day), I pulled the manager aside and told her that I hated working at the bagel place. My mom asked if I really used the work "hate" when I told the manager. Yeah, I did. Why beat around the bush? I told the manager I would finish out my schedule, which was only one more day, and then I would not be returning. She was frustrated but nice about it. I felt bad because they went through all the trouble to "train" me(i.e. show me videos from the 90's and then throw me into the fray). But I did hate it and didn't want to go back.

I'll start looking for another second job soon, but David says I don't have to if I don't want to.

Well, admonish me in a parental fashion if you must.

The Grindstone

2007-09-12T09:33:00.000-04:00

I should most definitely be preparing for class that starts in an hour right now, but instead I want to write to my pals.

I got the job at the bagel place and I start tomorrow. I am promised 15-20 hours a week with no Sundays and two or three Saturdays a month off. I told the manager that I wanted to keep every other weekend completely free so I could come home frequently if I wanted. At the interview, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that I had the job, but that didn't stop me from being nervous. I was almost as nervous about this bagel job as I was about my interview for the college. I guess I'm just an equal opportunity worrier.

I got a chance to see how lonely I am getting at the interview. I haven't talked to anyone in Cincinnati but David for more than two sentences. So while I was being interviewed, I found myself wanting to elaborate on anything and everything just to talk to someone. I tried to cap myself off, but I'm sure I rambled a couple of times. Oh well, maybe they'll just think I'm friendly. The bagel place might be a good place to meet people, too. I don't really have a chance to talk to any of my co-workers at the college and I can't just strike up a casual conversation with my students outside of class. Having no friends will definitely lend itself work, work, work, and paying off debt. I guess there's an upside.

Oh, I did meet the chair of the English department yesterday. Again, I found myself wanting to ramble to him, but I kept it short. He's a pretty cool, young-ish, punk rock kind of a guy. As I was leaving his office, I saw that he had a Guided By Voices bumper sticker on the wall. I wanted to launch into a spiel about how they were one of my favorite bands, and how we should talk about music sometime, ect, but I didn't. Instead I just said, "You like Guided By Voices? Thumbs up." Then I walked off. I am soooooo cool.

My students are having a class discussion today about the essays we read. I really hope that these guys want to talk because I'm not good at prodding responses out of people. I assigned reading questions that specific people in class are personally responsible for answering during the discussion. I hope that facilitates discussion. Does anyone out there have any other suggestions for getting people to talk in class? I might not need it, but I want to be on the safe side. I can't remember my teachers employing any special methods, but I usually had my mind made up before class whether or not I was going to talk about anything we read the day before.

Well, I really should prepare now.

Assault Rifle for Debt

2007-09-06T20:16:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I finally have regular internet that will let me sign in on blogger again. I just finished planning my first lesson, which I will introduce tomorrow. It is on the completely boring topic of prewriting. Hey, you gotta start somewhere. Wednesday was my real first day, but I just went over the syllabus and stuff like that. I was nervous, but i wasn't nearly as nervous as I thought I would be. I'm really liking work so far. CState buildings and campus reminds me more of a small four year college than a community college, but I only have Ivy Tech to compare. Actually, I thought Ivy Tech was a nice school, but it doesn't have anything on CState. All their classrooms are smart and easily workable and they have really awesome cafeterias and cafes on campus. Oh, this is cool. All the culinary arts majors have to take a class on pastry making. They don't do anything with all the pastries they make afterward so they just haul them to the cafe. So there are gourmet pastries available to everyone. This could be good or bad for me. Anyway, it seems like a really cool place. I still have no idea who my boss is or where the English adjuncts' office is, but I figure someone will tell me when they get angry that I didn't report somewhere or do something I was supposed to.

In other news, David has decided he wants to take a machine gun approach to our debt and gun it down all in one Ramboesque blaze of glory. What sparked this proposed debt massacre? Well, there's this talk radio station down here that has The Dave Ramsey Show on. David loves this guy. I think he's kind of a jerk who just gives people common sense advise.

Example: Person in debt: Hi Dave. Love the show. Listen, I've got 50,000 dollars in credit card debt, a $1200 a month mortgage, and three new cars. How do I get out of debt?

Dave Ramsey, Debt Management Guru: Wow, stupid isn't illegal, but it should be. Sell your house, sell your cars, cut up the credit cards, and get three jobs. If you do this, you can have your debt paid off in four years.

Person in debt: Gee, why didn't I think of that? Dave you're a genius.

Anyway, all of this means that David already has himself a second job and is on the lookout for another and now it is my turn. So, I have applied and gotten an interview for the glamorous world of Bruegger's Bagels. Basically, it's Einstein Bagels with a different name. It's located just down the street and I'll be able to walk to work if I get the job. I hope I'm qualified enough. I hope the manager doesn't google my name and see this post. Oh well if she does. I really do want the job. I'm hoping there will be some cool perk like free coffee.

That's pretty much it for now.

From Cinci

2007-08-30T11:39:00.000-04:00

Greetings from The Queen City, The City of Seven Hills, The Blue Chip City, Cin Cin Naughty, The 'Nati, or my personal favorite, Porkopolis. We're in Cinci now and we are trying to work, move, and adjust to the city all at the same time. What I've seen of Cincinnati I like so far. Our street is even more eclectic than I first described. Everyone who lives, works, or shops on our street has multiple tattoos and looks like they belong to a band I'd listen to. I am definitely feeling uncool. Orientation at work yesterday long and unhelpful, as those things always are. I came to work today to get some unresolved issues out of the way. You know, little things like what time I teach, where I teach, who my boss is. Mostly everyone just looked at me like I was in the way and was worrying about nothing. So now I've annoyed everyone in my department. Awesome. The walk to work will be great exercise,and I'm actually happy about that. It's a little over a mile each way and it's uphill on the way back. Oh, and once I've walked my mile to work I still have 126 steps to climb before I get to the building. (Cincinnati is a very hilly town.) So I might not even have to join an exercise class. Though if I want to, there is a yoga studio connected to our apartment.

Basically everywhere I go I feel like the woman in the Visa commercial who tries to pay with cash. Everything is running like clockwork until I show up. Then I mess up the finely tuned routine everyone is in by asking for directions, getting in the wrong line for coffee, driving the wrong way down one way streets, etc. It will be nice once we are settled. We come back to Lafayette tonight in order to pack the moving truck tomorrow. We'll start packing the truck around 9:30 and leave, I hope, around 1:00. If you want to stop by during that time to say goodbye, please do. Although, I have to warn you that you might be contracted to move a box or two.

Panem et Circenses

2007-08-26T12:55:00.000-04:00

After a couple of months of consideration, I've decided to change the name of my blog. I don't really write about anything too important on this blog, so "Panem et Circenses" seems fitting. Plus, I just like the sound of it. The quote comes from Juvenal:

nam qui dabat olim
imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se
continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat,
panem et circenses.

Basically he's saying that Romans used to value their form of government and did their duties as citizens. But now everyone cares about just two things: bread and circuses. Since it's the title of my blog, I suppose I should really put it in nominative case, but "Panis et Circenses" doesn't have the same ring. Anyway, I'm going to keep the title on a trial basis to see how I like it. If I don't like it after a couple of weeks,(or if the fact that it's in the wrong case starts to bug me)I'll change it or go back to the old title. Feel free to tell me what you think of the new title! Does it have the ring of a person lording their worthless education over other people? One can only hope.

Thanks

2007-08-25T14:42:00.001-04:00

Thanks to everyone who came out to our party last night. We had so much fun and were glad to properly say goodbye to so many of you. The party didn't officially end until 5:00 this morning when the last of the revelers pulled up a piece of floor in our living room and slept there. I, on the other hand, have not slept in 31 hours. After the party ended I had to switch over to Long Walk Matron and make breakfast for all the participants. This amounted to 5 dozen scrambled eggs (I went a little over board there), two packages of bacon, and two packages of hash browns. How is the Long Walk going? Well, I'll leave that to David, though I am planning a psychological deconstruction of the whole thing in a couple of days. Now I must prepare for my nephew's baby shower this evening.

Thanks again to everyone who came. It was a blast. Seeing all of you at once will certainly make it harder to leave, but it reminded us of how truly blessed we are to have so many wonderful friends.

On Tolerance

2007-08-24T10:25:00.000-04:00

From the title of the post you might be thinking that I'll be lecturing people about accepting everyone as they are and cooperating to make this world a better place. You might especially assume this if you have been reading or participating in the recent debates on Anne's blog, where the topics of "craziness" and "big boy beds" have incited near riots. But I'm actually writing on something much more important. Alcohol.

When I was younger, say around 19-21, I could drink 8 beers and a couple of mixed drinks, fall asleep on somebody's kitchen floor with a sombrero on around 3:00 am, and wake up around 8:00 am and go for a jog. Perhaps it was because I was partying with a bunch of guys at an all guys school, but I felt like I had to keep up. And keep up I did. After the Wabash days, I furthered my drinking career by becoming the Irish Car Bomb drinking champ. This is a title I still hold today, and although I drink considerably less, I plan to defend it until death or pregnancy. Though it has a crude name, the concoction is quite a good if you imbibe it quickly enough. If you don't drink it quickly enough, it becomes a demon in a glass. This drink consists of a Guinness, a half shot of Irish whiskey and a half shot of Irish cream. When quaffed correctly it tastes like an alcoholic chocolate milkshake. When consumed incorrectly it tastes and looks like expired chocolate cottage cheese. Now, obviously, I've never seen myself drink one of these things, but I've heard I'm fast. I have, however, seen my biggest competition, Grant Freeman and my own cousin Matthew Arnett, drink one. I am amazed at the speed with which they drink, and if I can consistently beat them, then I must really have an amazing talent. Some people have genius IQs, some people can drink beer really fast. All talents are God-given, right? That's what I keep telling myself.

I have to insert at this point that after my college partying days, I never strove to "get drunk". This is a mortal sin and by the time I turned 22, I realized it. So if you drink and can't be drunk, how do you monitor yourself? There are many names for the point of non-drunkenness. I call it the "grey area". This is the large area between sober and drunkenness that you can rightfully stay in without shaming yourself. John Russell calls it the "point of hilarity". This is where you drink until you are in good spirits, but you stop once you are at that point.

Now I am at the ripe old age of almost 26, and I can count the times I have consumed more than one drink in a sitting on one hand, no maybe one ands a half hands, in the past year. I just don't like drinking all that much anymore. A statement like this would get my Catholic card revoked in many communities and parishes, so I have kept this a secret for a bit. I mean, what's the point of drinking? If I am only going to have one drink, then it just amounts to extra calories. If I have more then that, I risk drunkenness. Further, I say stupid things, embarrass myself, and trip over stuff daily. I don't need alcohol to help me do that anymore.

And with this revelation, my tolerance has taken a huge hit over the years. In fact, I had four drinks last night over the course of 6 or 7 hours. This morning I woke up convinced that a little man with a jackhammer had started a construction project on my skull. While trying to block out the pulse-like throbbing in my head, I reflected on my earlier days when last night's expedition would have been considered "pre-gaming" for the real party. This brought on equal parts of awe and horror.

I am so glad I don't drink like I did in college. It's funny to say it that way because I have only been out of college for three months. Perhaps I should say "early college". Alcohol has lots of empty calories, it is bad for organs(internal and musical. Don't ask.), and it usually makes me look like an even bigger idiot than I already am. And I say all of this knowing full well that I will drink, probably right up the the edge of the grey-black area, at the party tonight. See you there!

Party On. Excellent.

2007-08-17T09:48:00.000-04:00

David and I have decided to throw a going away party.... for ourselves. Yes, we'll be the guests of honor and all of you out there reading are invited (that is if we know you).

We went to the store last night and bought burgers, chicken, steaks, soda, chips, beer, brownies, cookies, etc. There will be music and beanbag toss too. We want everyone to come, so spread the word to all who you think might like to wish us goodbye. Here's the vital information.

David and Monica's Going Away Party

Date- Friday, August 24th

Place- O'Neil Castle. Call or email if you need directions.

Time- Cookout starts at 5:00 so all you people with little ones can make it. At 8:30 we will take a couple of minutes to send off the Long Walkers. Party will resume around 8:45 or 9:00 sans Long Walkers.

We have all the main dishes, but if you'd like to bring a side that would be great.

We decided to have the going away party the same night as the Long Walk commencement because a bunch of our friends are going to be in town for that anyway. RSVP here on the blog, or call, or just come. But please do come. We want to see all of you one last time.

Packing

2007-08-16T17:45:00.000-04:00

Well, we started packing today. All I have to say is that we have WAAAAAAAAAAY too many books. Doesn't sound possible, does it? It's true. I brought an entire truck bed full of boxes home today, and all but the very biggest boxes have been filled to the brim with books. I can't imagine what it's like when professors have to move.

What's in a Name?

2007-08-13T10:54:00.001-04:00

Ol' Shakesy asked the above question in Romeo and Juliet, and I've been thinking about names, specifically naming children, since Laura posted last week on the name Lawrence. You see, I have scores of great names picked out for our future children. I want to name my children after early saints and classical and literary figures. But whenever I let slip a name I'm contemplating, the same trite argument rears its head. This argument is known as The Infallible Playground Doctrine set forth by the Senate of Concerned Grandparents, Nosy Friends, and Boring Aunts in 1895. The argument can be summed up as the following: "You can't name your child that!!! He'll be made fun of and be beaten up on the playground for sure." And from this argument, many great names have been shot down in favor of more normal or common names. I'm here today to write against the above doctrine and promote a new one. This new argument is called They Are My Kids and I am Going to Name Them Whatever The Hell I Want, So Shut Up. I have three basic arguments against the Playground Doctrine.

1. They are my kids and I am going to name them whatever the hell I want, so shut up.
If my husband and I agree to name our first son Xenophanes Hezekiah Milkbone BB Gun Josephus Snowglobe O'Neil, that's what we're going to name him. Why? Because it's our baby, we made him, and we're going to name him. I must say that I have no problem with common names. In fact, I like a lot of them. I love the names John, Michael, David, etc. And I am not going to purposely give my child an uncommon name just for the sake of it being uncommon. But if I find myself drawn to an uncommon name, I'm not going to be detracted by some old lady.

2. EVERYONE IS MADE FUN OF ON THE PLAYGROUND. EVERYONE.
Let's do a little informal poll. How many of you were ever made fun of on the playground? I'm guessing 100%. Now, how many of you were made fun of on the playground for something other than your name? I'm guessing close to 100%. From this we can deduce that giving your child a common name will not prevent him or her from being made fun of on the playground. My children are going to have red hair, pale skin, little knowledge of pop culture, and possibly 700 food allergies. If they are made fun of for their name only, it would be a massive blessing. I mean, children are made fun of for coming to school with dried up snot rivers mixed with dirt running down their faces, and yet parents still send them to school that way. Kids are made fun of for weighing 300 pounds in the 2nd grade, and yet parents still send them to school that way. So what, in God's name, is wrong with sending your kid to school with a name like Aloysius? And yet the parents of the 300 pound 2nd grader with snot rivers are the people telling me that I just can't name my kid Augustine Leonidas O'Neil. Well, I can and I will.

3. An odd name with personal meaning and importance is preferable to a common or popular one without.
Go to the mall and yell out the name Dakota. See how many children turn their heads. If it's less than 4,000 I'd be surprised. Now yell out the name Augustine. If one kid turns his head I would be equally surprised. Perhaps all 4,000 children were named Dakota because their parents were inspired by that part of the country. That's fine, but I am not inspired by that part of the country. At least, not enough to name my kid that. Maybe my cat. Nah, I wouldn't even name my cat that. The point is that the name should mean something to the parents and they should pass that meaning on to their child.

Finally, I've known lots of people with odd names, and as far as I know none of them died of shame one the playground. These names include Leaf, Patience, Song, Glade, Prentice, and so on. When contemplating the names of your children, disregard the playground argument, and whatever you do, don't regurgitate it.

It Turned on Hot

2007-08-09T10:48:00.000-04:00

My mother has this weird saying whenever the weather cools down quickly. She'll say, "It turned off cold". I would just attribute this to a regional saying, but I've never heard anyone but my mother and her twin sister say it. And now David and I say it because we think it's funny and it reminds me of my mom. It's not a mean spirited funny. We just think it's a neat saying. Well, it has not turned off cold in about a week here, so David and I have taken the saying one step further. We've started saying that "it turned on hot". Obviously it doesn't have quite the same ring, but it works just the same. Anyway, it has turned on hot, and as Laura says, there isn't much to do when it's this hot besides stay in and watch movies.

Movies I have watched in the past week include Diary of a Country Priest, The Cutting Edge, Rob Roy, a documentary on the Green Berets, and a documentary on Angola prison in Louisiana, a prison where 85% of the inmates will die there. On Friday, while David is walking in honor of the BVM on the pilgrimage, I'll be hosting a deconstruction of the movie 300. Perhaps a better word for what we are doing would be, in the words of Clayton Lein, an excavation. Yes, I know that this movie is based more on a graphic novel and less on the actual battle of Thermopylae, but dammit, I was a classics major and I have got to use my degree somehow. We'll be pointing out the inconsistencies in the movie compared to the historical account. A little snarky and misguided perhaps, but like I said, what the hell else am I supposed to do with this degree? On Saturday I have committed myself to walking the last eight miles of the pilgrimage for the BVM and OLSJC. On Sunday, I'll be heading down to Indy to watch Harry Potter in the IMAX theater. Also slated for this week is a documentary on the salt farmers of Tibet and another documentary on an anthropological hoax in Brittan. Documentaries are quickly becoming my favorite genre of movie. Many of my friends already giggle when I start a conversations by saying "I was just watching a documentary on...." Well, this is as good a place to end the post as any. Pray it turns off cold soon.

Survey says...

2007-08-06T11:25:00.000-04:00

I guess I'm trying to avoid writing a real post. This was originally a list of 70 questions, but I picked out the ones I felt like answering. So here.

Initials:
MLBAO

Do you believe in God:
I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. I believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in being with the Father. Through Him all things were made. For us men and our salvation He came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit, He was born of the Virgin Mary , and became man. For our sake He was crucified under Pontius Pilate; He suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day He rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures: He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son, He is worshiped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. I believe in one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

Ever lived outside of the US:
I wouldn't say lived. More like extended visits.

What is your dad's name:
Joseph Anthony Matthew Arnett

What are your siblings' names:
Anthony Ross Ignatius Arnett
Alexander Nicholas Joseph Arnett

What is your dream car:
Dictator Mercedes. You know the type. All the cool despots have one.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Patagonia, New Zealand, Chipotle.

Favorite type of Food?
Sugar. Refined and granulated.

Song you are listening to right now:
"I Am a Scientist" -Guided by Voices version, not the Dandy Warhols version.

What are your current fav songs?:
"I Am a Scientist" I've had it in my head for weeks now. "Cemetery Gates"- The Smiths, "Silent Fortress"- Pinback.

What was the last movie you watched?:
Diary of a Country Priest. Tonight I'm watching The Cutting Edge with some girlfriends. Toe Pick!!

What are you afraid of?
Terminal illness, germs, having children.

How many pets do you have:
I have an imaginary orange kitten named Graham after Graham Greene. I hope to make him real once we move to Cincinnati.

Have you ever loved someone:
Yes, and I happen to be married to him.

What do you usually order from Starbucks:
Iced Mocha

Are you missing someone?
I'm already missing all my family and friends and I haven't even moved yet. I think my friend Buffy could relate.

Whats your mom's name?
Rebecca Carlene Crowell Arnett

What books are you reading:
How Right You Are, Jeeves- PG Wodehouse. Mrs. Schafer loaned it to me and I have to read it and give it back before I leave.

Favorite basketball team:
Actually, I am a really big fan of Purdue Women's basketball team.

Favorite cereal:
I don't eat cereal anymore. David convinced me that cereal is loaded with too much sugar (even the kinds that are supposed to be good for you). So now I just drink iced coffees for breakfast.

Do you drive:
Yes. I kind of like driving as long as it isn't on 26, 52, or any major highway where people drive way too fast. I drive a 1991 Ford Ranger with a chrome cobra head for a shifter and a "Papist" bumper sticker.

The End

2007-07-28T10:04:00.000-04:00

I'm subbing for David at work today. Our last day at Ivy Tech and David decided to visit a friend in South Bend and bestow the honors of turning out the lights one last time in the LRC to me. Well, I didn't have any coffee this morning, and I feel like I'm dying. So I decided to take a quiz to see what my obituary will say.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I think that's pretty much correct, but I haven't explored what the full implications of "their lover" means.

*&@#$%^!

2007-07-26T18:03:00.000-04:00

I just dropped the F-bomb in front of Keeney. Again. This time it was at work. I don't even think I use the F--- word that often. Why do I have to say it in front of a person who has probably only ever heard that word when it is coming from my mouth? We weren't even playing Scrabble this time. Sheesh.

Job Found

2007-07-25T15:23:00.001-04:00

Well, I didn't get the job at Brown Mackie College. They finally called back yesterday and told me they didn't want me. Instead, I got a better job at a better community college this morning. You are looking at the newest English Comp. teacher for Cincinnati State Community College. I couldn't be happier. This is the school I originally wanted to work for and I had some misgivings about Brown Mackie. Brown Mackie is in a dumpy location in a bad neighborhood and all the teachers talk about their students like these kids just escaped from prison. Cincinnati State, on the other hand, is on the same street that we live on about a mile down the road. The funniest part is when I was fretting, stewing, and waiting around for Brown Mackie to call back yesterday, Cincinnati State called to say they wanted an interview. I did a phone interview this morning and they hired me on the spot. I guess it was meant to be. CSCC is a really nice facility with a great library, gym, pool, athletic teams, and clean classrooms. It definitely seems like the place I want to be. They said that in addition to teaching two English courses this fall I could also pick up some extra hours in the writing lab. Best of all, the people who interviewed me seemed genuinely nice and happy to talk to me.

So Good I Can't Pick It Up

2007-07-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

I've owned the new Harry Potter book since Saturday. I'm on page 34. I do think the book is pretty good so far, but I'm a little scared to see if my worst fears about Snape will be confirmed. My book 6 is damaged from when I threw the it across the room. That's when I found out Dumbledore was "dead". Also, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and criticise Rowling, I think ever since book 4 all of the books have started out a tad slow. *wince* Comment if you must. I'm sure the fault actually falls on my 1st grade level reading comprehension or my lack of imagination and not on the writing skills of the author.

I did buy the book on Saturday, but I didn't start reading it until yesterday because I had to prepare for my second job interview, which did not turn out perfectly by any means. At the end of the interview yesterday, I was told that I would hear back by the end of the day either way it turned out. I'm still waiting on a phone call. Oh well, I'm not going to die if I don't get this job. I'm just going to keep applying and get a better one. Failure is not fatal. Like that saying? I heard it yesterday on the ride back from Cincinnati when we were listening to conservative talk radio. I hate conservative talk radio, and I almost hate myself for listening to it. Those guys are such terrible jerks and I always want to turn the station, but I keep listening because I want to see what awful or absurd statement they say next. Anyway, one guy said, "failure is not fatal" in the context of a bad job interview, bad grade, broken heart, that kind of thing. It was the only statement I happened to agree with the entire time I listened to that station. So, we'll see what happens. I'll be sure to let you know when I find out.

Apartment Found

2007-07-17T12:23:00.000-04:00

David and I went to Cincinnati yesterday for my job interview and to look for an apartment. The apartment we found is so cool and I can't wait to move in. First, our building is in Cincinnati's Gaslight district. This district is the artistic, bohemian center of the city. We will live three buildings down from an independent movie theater, across the street from a branch of the library, and a short walk from a beautiful park. Our street is lined with ethnic restaurants, interesting boutiques, and cool coffee houses. We are also just a couple of buildings away from a grocery store. And we live very close to UC's campus. Our apartment has wood floors, a beautiful fireplace, large closets, and a huge balcony. If you are interested in looking at pictures of our apartment, click here. The only drawback is that the kitchen is smaller than the one we have now! But it's just such a neat place.

My job interview went really well. I interviewed at 1:00 and by 6:00 they had called me back for a second interview. So next Monday I'll go back to Cincinnati and give a 15-20 minute mock lesson to the English faculty of the college. I'll be teaching on the "critical elements of personal narrative". After that, I'll know whether or not I have the job. Wish me luck!

No News is Good News

2007-06-28T16:05:00.000-04:00

I don't watch the news that often. We don't have cable, so that keeps me blissfully unaware most of the time. I read the newspaper semi-regularly, but it's not the same as the non-stop news blitz on the TV. Well today David and I went over to my parents' house to check our email. Actually, I usually drop him off at the McAllister center and he works out while I go to my parents' house one block away, and he meets me there after his workouts.

Anyway, while he was checking his email I decided to turn on my parents' TV and it was on CNN. The first story I see is an uplifting little ditty about a seven year old boy who is getting a face transplant. He has silicone implants in his cheeks so his skin will stretch out over other parts of his face. The skin around his eyes is so tight that I don't think the poor thing can blink. Why is this boy getting a face transplant? Oh, because a flesh eating bacteria ate his face off. It ate his whole face off. How did this boy come to be infected with a flesh eating bacteria? Was he slashing his way through the rainforest? Nope. Was he playing around at a hazardous waste site? No. He bumped his lip while playing basketball with his friends. And he got his face eaten off. I called to David in the other room and told him all about it. He replied, "See, that just goes to show you that you shouldn't worry about such things because no one knows when or how they will happen". I'm a hypochondriac by the way. To me, this story meant just the opposite: I should live in a bubble and bathe in Purell because you never know when or how these things will happen.

Next story up- A huge toothpaste recall. Anyone who has any toothpaste made in China (this includes all the major American brands) should throw it out because it could have poison in it. Specifically, it has an ingredient in it that is usually reserved for non-mouth cleansing items like antifreeze. So now I'm freaking out because I don't know if our ghetto Pepsodent toothpaste has poison in it or if I'll even have a mouth to use it on because of some crazy flesh eating bacteria.

At this point David told me that I should not under any circumstances watch the news. And I know this is pretty much true. I am a sucker for sensationalism. A couple of years ago he said I shouldn't watch Dateline or 20/20 because every time I did I became convinced that I would die under mysterious circumstances or be stricken with a rare but fatal form of cancer or both. So I guess I'll just stick to reading the newspaper for now. Did I mention that just yesterday I was reading that the parents of a 15 year old Indian boy were arrested because they let their child perform a C-section on one of their patients?

Just Another Day at Work

2007-06-21T18:22:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty much convinced that I work on the set of a sitcom and I haven't been made aware of it yet. The following is what happened the last time I went to take notes in a COM class at the community college where I work. First, I need to say that I love the girl who I take notes for and her sister is also really cool. I don't have any problems with them. I even think we could be friends. It's just some of the other students... well, you'll see.

Last Com class, the teacher wanted to show students how to make an outline for an informative speech. He decided to pick the topic of travel and vacation destinations, and then asked the kids what locations they would want to go for vacation. Remember, I'm just there to take notes. So the first person raises their hand and yells out, "The Superbowl"! The Superbowl? I had no idea the Superbowl was a place that had its own zip code and everything. Neither did the teacher because he didn't write it down. The second person yells out, "Mardi Gras". Again, I didn't know Mardi Gras was a place where you could live. This one was a little more forgivable because Mardi Gras and New Orleans are almost synonymous, but still. After a couple of legitimate locations, another person yelled out, "Costa Rica". One second later the girl behind me starts yelling "why would you want to go there!! That's where they cut off people's legs and sell them for diamonds"! Perhaps I should have expected it from this girl because in the last class she asked the teacher how to talk to black people without offending them because, "sometimes I try to give them a compliment and they just get mad". Anyway, she keeps yelling, "Costa Rica is where they cut off people's legs for diamonds"! At this point I am biting my tongue to keep from laughing, and she's getting more and more indignant because someone wants to take a vacation where they chop people's legs off for diamonds. The teacher is avoiding her all together and moving on to other people's suggestions while she is still raving. At this point I turned around and said, "That's not Costa Rica, It's Sierra Leone". After saying this I felt really stupid because as far as I know Sierra Leone does not have a diamonds for legs trade. They have a diamonds for arms trade, but that is something entirely different. I wanted to tell her that people do chop off other people's limbs, but it is used as a way to make others submit, not as a means of currency. She seemed to shut up though, so I didn't go on. Other students keep calling out destinations and one older lady said she would like to go to Rome. Upon this, the girl behind me said that she thinks Rome is totally overrated. I don't know how she knows this, but I'm willing to be that she's never been there. What was her suggestion for a vacation? Las Vegas. That's right, Rome is totally overrated when there are slots to play.

After about 15 destinations, the teacher had the class take a vote, and the top three destinations would become the three main points of the speech. Vote number 1: The Bahamas. Vote number 2: Hawaii. Vote number 3: Australia. Now I love the beach as much as any other girl with blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin and a frighteningly high number of relatives with skin cancer, but this was a little ridiculous. That became even more apparent when the class had to give reasons for wanting to visit each place. It sounded a little something like this: beaches, swimming, fishing, shopping, beaches, swimming, fishing, shopping, beaches, swimming, fishing, shopping. So essentially all three locations were boiled down to beach activities without a mention of any cultural offerings, museums, art, etc that each place might have. I don't get it. I like the beach but not enough to it make my top three vacation destinations.

From this little glimpse, I hope you can see how fun and funny is it at my job. I'm gonna miss it when I have to move.

Jr. Update

2007-06-17T20:29:00.000-04:00

The doctor's say that our little Anthony is starting to recover from his intestine surgery and things look pretty good. Talk about a miracle. His breathing hasn't been doing to well lately as they have bumped him up to 38-45 percent oxygen. The doctors say it's a little higher than they would like (he's usually at 25% oxygen) but that his lungs only show signs of immaturity and not signs of serious lung complications. My brother and sister-in-law just got the bill for Anthony Jr's two week stay at Home hospital:124,000 dollars!!! Luckily the bill is taken care of and they don't have to pay for it. I'm interested to see what the bill for a three month stay at St. Vincent's NICU will be. The baby also "opened his eyes" a couple of days ago. I put the opened his eyes in quotations because his eyes have been open for a couple of weeks now. However, his eyes used to be all black, and then over night his eyes changed to blue and look like regular eyes. Of course, his eye color could change, but it's nice to see them whatever color they are.

Now for other baby related news. Today right after Mass I was hanging out in the church with my dad because it's Father's Day and I wanted to see him. While beside him, a very nice parishioner, who we've known for years and will remain nameless, passed by, and my father flagged her down. He wanted to show her the newest pictures of Anthony Jr. Well, after ooohing and ahhing over the pictures, she turns to me and says, "how many months early did you have the baby"? After picking my jaw up from off the floor, I remarked that I don't have any children and that the pictures were of my nephew. I then suffered through the most awkward couple of minutes of small talk in my life while my dad was speaking to this woman's husband. Sigh. It's depressing to know that I look postpartum. No offense to any stunning and dazzling postpartum women out there reading this post. I think I'll hit the pilates tomorrow. At least Father Vath hasn't started to bless my gut when I go up for communion.

celebrity look-alikes

2007-06-15T14:05:00.000-04:00

I thought this was a pretty neat little thing.

Babies, Babies, Babies, and Bees

2007-06-11T13:37:00.000-04:00

This was a baby filled weekend.

On Saturday I went to visit Anne and Charles in the hospital. Charles is one cute baby. Notice I didn't say cute and "little". That's because Anne gave birth to a giant baby. I won't post the weight because Anne might want to tell you all about it herself, and I don't want to get in trouble with a new mama. However, if you do want to see the weight, go to Christine's blog. Oh, and if you want to see pictures of this darling baby, go to Laura's blog. Anne and Charles are both doing fine.

Later that night David and I went to see Knocked Up. As you might have guessed from the title, this movie is about a woman who has an unexpected pregnancy. The movie uses crude humor, drug humor, nudity, and a constant stream of the f-bomb, and yet I loved it. The reason is that despite all the vulgarity, the movie has an overwhelming pro-life message. At every turn it reinforces that even in the most undesirable circumstances, an unborn child still deserves to live. That, and I did think the movie was pretty funny. I don't think all that pro-life stuff was just wishful thinking or reading too much in to it on my part. If any of you see it, you'll have to tell me what you thought. Don't say I didn't warn you about all the cusses though.

Then, on Sunday I finally got to meet my nephew. David and I went down to St. Vincent's with my parents and we met my brother and sister-in-law there. Leah and I went in first because only two people are allowed to see him at a time and one of those people has to be the parent. Well, I was just overwhelmed with emotion when I saw Anthony Jr. He is even smaller than I imagined and he is so precious. You can tell that he doesn't like visitors a lot because when you look in his incubator he covers his face with his little hands and starts to squirm. If you visit him for too long his heart rate will drop and that's pretty much how he lets you know that he's had enough of you. The only bad part about it is that when it happens the doctors have to come over and breath for him until his heart rate comes back up. I would love to see Anthony Jr. again and I think about him all the time, but I would hate to cause his heart rate to drop like that again. It's just that my mother wanted us to meet the baby once in case the unthinkable happens. We had to wait about an hour for the baby's heart rate to stabilize before David could go in with my brother. It's funny, but when David came back he said that the baby was bigger than he imagined, which was the exact opposite of my reaction. I describe the baby this way: Imagine a 20 fl oz water bottle with thick pens for arms and legs. That's how small he is. When we were leaving the NICU David noticed a "lactation booth", which is a room that women, well you know what it's for. Anyway, when the room is open, it has a little sign in English and in Spanish saying so. When we passed this room it in fact was open so the sign said, "Lactation Booth: Open Abra". Well, David noticed this, pointed it out and said, "lactation booth: open a bra, hahahahahahaha". My mom thought it was hilarious and even my dad cracked a smile.

After all the babies this weekend, it's not surprising that David has come down with a pretty bad case of Baby Fever. Because of my own experience, graduate school, and Leah and Anthony's experience with Anthony Jr., until recently my baby temperature has been at about 32 degrees. But since I've graduated from school, my temperature has risen to about 98.6, so I'm at normal right now. Normal. We'll see what happens, but I'll predict trying for a baby before year's end. So I know that will make some people happy.

Oh, and now for the bees. Well, most of you know how we had a bat fly in though an open window in our bedroom a couple of weeks back. If you don't, scroll down through a couple of posts and you can get the whole story. We made sure to close that window so that a bat wouldn't fly through again. But there is still a problem with the window where the screen doesn't meet the glass correctly. Normally that wouldn't be a problem because even if something flew in though the gap, it wouldn't make it through the glass when the window is closed. Or so we thought. The window was closed, but we have those old fashioned locks where when you turn the window lock it leaves a little hole. So here's what happened. A swarm of bees, a swarm, not two or three but fifty bees, flew through the gap between the outside screen and the glass, and then flew up to the little hole by the window lock, evidently waited in line and came in three at a time (because the hole is not that big) and then started swarming around the room. Luckily I was at work because if I had been home I would have done something stupid like call 911 or scream incoherently or both. But David was home. Not only was he home, he was in the bedroom reading a book! He heard a buzzing sound by the window and looked to see these bees flying in. He dropped his book, ran to the kitchen to get some ant spray because it was either that or Windex, and started spraying it at the bees. In his running shorts. That is all the clothing he had on. Running shorts. Just imagine that for a second. My husband in his running shorts spraying ant spray wildly at an obviously homicidal swarm of bees. But it worked! He killed all the bees and wasn't stung even once. I was telling my friends Kristin and Jocelyn about this, and Jocelyn said that if anything else weird happens in our apartment, don't even bother calling the landlord, just call an exorcist. I'm beginning to think she's got the right idea.

Summertime Routine

2007-06-07T19:24:00.000-04:00

Everything has been pretty mundane lately. I'm beginning to think that funny things only happen to me at school. I usually wait to update until something funny has happened to me. Well, nothing has lately. I don't have any antics to relate, so I guess I'll just give a boring life update.

I've been sleeping in until about 10:30 every morning.

David and I are on a new diet/ health plan called "The Schwarzbein Principal". An Endocrinologist who is evidently obsessed with her name came up with it. She's written about four books and they all have "Schwarzbein" in the title. In all seriousness, she pretty much advocates the things your grandmother tells you to do. You can't skip meals, you have to eat a balance of protein, carbs, veggies, and healthy fats, and you need to keep your blood sugar balanced. You do this by eating five times a day instead of three. Her theory is that most people have a damaged metabolism. If you repair your metabolism, you will automatically burn enough calories to attain or stay at an ideal body weight in addition to becoming super healthy. You cannot have sugar, fake sugar, alcohol, tobacco, or caffeine while on this diet. So, I automatically hated it from the start. I pretty much thought I was going to die. But eating five meals a day full of healthy stuff really does keep down my cravings for bad stuff. The only drawback is that I feel like half our life is devoted to cooking and shopping. Ol' Schwarzy, as I call the doctor who wrote this plan, says people with fairly healthy metabolisms can heal in about 1-3 months, so I'm hoping I'm in that category. I don't know why though. Ol' Schwarzy says that you can 't go back to your old ways after you are healed or you'll just ruin your metabolism again. So it looks like I'm on the straight and narrow. Sigh. I've never really liked the straight and narrow.

David and I are also in the middle of watching the top 50 movies of all time. We receive this travel magazine that we don't subscribe to called the Conde Nast. I think anyone who leaves the country for a trip automatically receives it. David and I like to call it the Conde Nasty or just The Nasty. I know, we're geniuses. Anyhow, I was looking through it one day to see what the top 100 snorkeling destinations are or something equally stupid. As I was looking, I came across this advertisement for Kettle One Vodka. The ad started, "Dear Kettle One Vodka Drinker". My eyes lit up at this because this was a couple of weeks ago before I cleaned myself up, got saved, and went on the Schwarzbein Principal. The rest of the ad read, "Are these the top 50 films of all time?" So, I ripped the list out and we've been watching the movies ever since. Granted, the list does ask whether the movies are top 50, and I'm not sure what sources compiled the list, so there are some crap movies on the list. However, most of them seem good. Our favorites so far are Chinatown and Deer Hunter. Our least favorite is 2001: A Space Odyssey. By the way, if I had said that title instead of written it, I would have called it a Space Oddity because I love David Bowie and always get the titles mixed up. Now, I don't care what you say about this movie. It was crap. I've heard a lot of people say that 2001 was an "important" movie. What this usually means is that some pretentious bastard made a piece of shit movie and people are too afraid of being called philistines to say so. Other people have said that I didn't get the point of the movie. No, I got the point. I understand. It's just that the point is stupid, the script is terrible, the acting is worse, and Stanley Kubric is a pretentious bastard. We're having fun watching the movies anyway. The best part is that all the older movies at Family Video are either two for a dollar or a dollar.

Let's see, hmmm. Besides sleeping a lot, being on a diet, and watching our movies, there's not much more.

Baby Update

2007-06-02T15:27:00.000-04:00

I just want to give all of you an update on baby Anthony.

On Wednesday Anthony Jr. was rushed to St. Vincent's in Indianapolis because his intestine ruptured and he was dying. The doctors did surgery and told my brother and his wife it would take nothing short of a miracle for Anthony Jr. to even make it through the night. Well, the first miracle was achieved, many thanks in part to your prayers, because Anthony Jr. is alive but in critical condition. The doctors say that his intestine has to show signs of healing before they can upgrade his condition. If his intestine does not start to heal the doctors say he will die. To make matters worse, the little hole the baby has in his heart is impeding the healing process and his recovery from the surgery. Therefore, Anthony Jr. will undergo another surgery next week to repair the hole in his heart. This is extremely serious because the doctors must do the surgery even though they aren't sure how much more stress the baby's body can take.

Please, I beg you to keep Anthony Jr. and my family in your prayers. The situation is quite dire.

First, Outside, Inside, Last?

2007-05-30T17:35:00.000-04:00

I'm working at Ivy Tech this summer as a writing tutor and a monitor at the Learning Resource Center. Because it's the summer semester, there is hardly anyone around to ask for writing assistance. This means that my main responsibility is to monitor the LRC. I have to do things like receive faxes from a machine I don't know how to work, give students directions to classrooms I've never seen, replace toner on a copier I've never been trained to use, and handle phone calls on subjects which I know nothing about. So really, as you might have guessed, my job boils down to the following phrase: "Um.. could you come back tomorrow between the hours of 8-5? Someone will be able to answer your question then." The rest of the time I watch youtube and write blogs and get paid pretty damn well to do it. I'm doing that right now as a matter of fact. Now, I'm a really good English tutor and I like doing it, but I suck at all this other stuff. I would feel bad about my inability to "monitor" the LRC except for the fact that no one has ever trained me how to do it. So, I just wing it. And because I do such exceptional work, I've been asked to take on more responsibilities.

Starting Thursday I'll be taking notes for a deaf woman here at the school. Her sister sits in on the class and signs to her while I write down the things that the teacher says. So basically she has a team of people working with her. And I think that's great. Opportunities for handicapped people have come such a long way. My only concern is why I have been chosen to do this job. I've never worked with disabled people in my life. I don't know all the PC things I have to do when I talk to her, I'm not sure if I say deaf or hearing impaired, I don't know anything. And I'm willing to bet there won't be any training. Now, I'm not one of those people who can't do anything without being told exactly how to do it, but I do need a little info sometimes. Oh, and here's the kicker. Guess what class I'm taking notes for? Math 131-Algebra and Trigonometry. If you know me at all, you'll be on the floor gaging with laughter. I am terrible at math. The only class I failed in college was math, and I think the math I took was easier than the stuff I'll be taking notes for. So I'm a little nervous. I keep telling myself, "Monica, it's okay. You're smart enough to recognize the important parts and write it down, even if you don't understand it." And that's true. I just have to write stuff down. It's not like I have to tutor her in the subject. I just which I had known what class I had signed on for before I said I would be a note taker. I haven't had a math class in three years, and I'm firmly convinced that the only reason why I passed that class was because I said a memorare right before the final. (Thank you, BVM!) All I remember from that class is FOIL. First, outside, inside, last! First, outside, inside, last! My plan is to just write FOIL down in the notes if I miss something. Actually, I'm going to try very hard to take the most comprehensive notes possible because I really do want to help this person, but I sure am nervous. Oh well, I guess I can add another line to my resume now. Sheesh. I'll let all of you know how it goes.

fitness plan, wedding anniversary, and wedding reception

2007-05-23T17:27:00.000-04:00

I've been out of school now for a couple of weeks and can only say that I'm getting dumber and chubbier every minute I've been out. During the summer I usually commit myself to getting fit, but for some reason I just can't get myself to do it this time. I'm going to force myself to do Pilates tomorrow and then go to Jazzercise. I hope this will jump start my summer fitness program. All the graduation parties and my wedding anniversary these past couple of weeks have not done a thing for my waistline. As for the getting dumber thing, I'm not sure anything can save me. Just yesterday I had to ask David what the genitive singular personal pronoun was for 3rd person in Latin. It's "eius" by the way. But it was really disturbing because I have taught that very pronoun to people for the past two years. I predict that by the end of the summer I will only be able to read at Dr. Seuss level. Maybe that's not so bad. I mean, the guy's a doctor. I don't know what he got his PhD in. Perhaps it was rhyming. I've heard that Whoville University has a really competitive program in rhyme. Or maybe Dr. Seuss is actually a cardiac surgeon. I don't know. The point is that I'm getting stoopid. I don't think there is any help for my fitness or intellectual situation. Bummer.

I did mention in passing that David and I had our wedding anniversary recently. It was on the 20th to be precise. I woke up with a bit of an anniversary headache from a wedding and reception I went to the day before. (more on that later) It was nothing some Advil and Gatorade couldn't fix. Anyhow, we woke up and David made an anniversary smoothie while I made an anniversary cup of tea. Then we went to anniversary mass and came home and took an anniversary nap. Afterwards, we had an anniversary steak dinner, went anniversary bowling, and then watched an anniversary movie. And yes, we did refer to all of these things as our anniversary this and that. It got pretty funny by the end of the night. We even extended it to the next day when David and I went anniversary golfing with Peter. Being married is pretty fun for the most part, and I give my first year of marriage two thumbs up.

Now, on to the wedding from the night before. I went to a wedding of some people I hardly know because one of my friends asked me to be her guest. The wedding was at Blessed Sacrament, or what I've heard an Irishman call "Our Lady of the Mothership" for its interesting architecture that I guess resembles a flying saucer. Its not my favorite Catholic church in town but they do have a great devotion to St. Monica there. I'm not going to critique the wedding or anything, but I'll say that it was pretty "mod" and they didn't even have communion even though both people getting married were Catholic. Weird. Weird and fishy actually.

Anyhow, we only found out a couple of days before that the reception that we thought was going to have an open bar was really going to be as dry as one of those cow skulls you see out in the desert. That would be fine, but Kristin, Brett, Jocelyn, and I all wanted to dance. And being from the socio-econnomic and ethnic backgrounds that we are from, (white, middle class kids with Irish, Sweedish and Hungarian roots, respectively) we cannot dance without alcohol. So I borrowed David's three flasks, filled them with Bacardi, stuck them in my purse, put the rest of the booze in Kristin's trunk, and entered the reception. This was all with the bride's permission, by the way. Then we ordered our cokes, went to the bathroom, poured our alcohol in them and proceeded to get a healthy but modest buzz. Then the flasks ran out, so we decided to go out to the car to fill up again. This was our fatal flaw. We took our cokes outside, filled them up with booze and came back in. But before we could get back to the reception hall we were stopped by the EXCISE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!! The man showed us his badge and asked us if we had any alcohol in our drinks. By this time I was buzzing pretty hard, so I contemplated either drinking my rum and coke really fast and asking him "what drink?", or just flat out telling him "no." But more sober heads prevailed and Kristin told him "yes." So this jerk confiscates our drinks and lectures us about how the hotel could be fined and blah, blah, blah. I thought this was ridiculous because we could have stepped three feet to the right of the officer and gone to the hotel bar, had 20 beers, and walked right back into the reception hall if we wanted to. A couple of days later when I was telling this story to Mrs. Schafer, she asked me who the excise police were, and I told her that they were people who wanted to prevent other people from having fun at wedding receptions. And I still partly hold to that.

Anyhow, the rest of the reception was pretty boring because the DJs played really lame music. I asked one of the DJs to play "2 Legit 2 Quit" because my friend Kris was there and he and I have some history with Hammer. Well (and I'm not kidding) when I requested the song, the DJ gave me this look like, "we don't play that kind of music." And she was from Kentucky. If she had a problem with Hammer, I would have hated to see her face if I had had a lot to drink and requested "Push It" as I have at other receptions. Basically, that was my wedding reception/slash run-in with the cops experience.

Later on we did go to the hotel bar with the rest of the wedding party where I witnessed my debit card being stolen. I promptly walked up to the girl, looked at her with my debit card in her hand, took it out of her hand, said "thank you" and walked away. I also had my hand crushed by the mother of the groom that night. She walked up to me in the bar and said in a really crappy tone, "how do you know my son?" Well, I was scared because technically I don't know him. After I had explained, she shook my hand and squeezed it really hard for a really long time, and it hurt like hell. So many other little things happened that night, but I think this post has gone on long enough. So I'm just going to end it here.

Precious little baby

2007-05-17T18:58:00.000-04:00

Here is another picture of Anthony Jr. and my mother's hand. Look at how small his foot is!! I hope I get to meet him soon. We're trying to think of a nickname for the baby since my brother's name is Anthony too. Alexander wants to call him AJ, for Anthony Junior. I think that name is so boring. I want to call him Ace, you know like how Father Miller calls guys Ace? If I don't get to call him Ace I'm just going to call him Anthony. I suppose I should ask my brother and Leah what they think.

Baby pic

2007-05-15T10:41:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of Anthony Jr. I hope to have more soon. Please keep up the prayers.

New Baby

2007-05-14T17:16:00.000-04:00

My nephew, Anthony Ross Arnett Jr., was born today. He weighs 15.5 ounces and is 11 inches long. He has already been baptized and the doctors say he is healthy and happy. Obviously he has a long road ahead of him until he gets out of the hospital, but things look good so far. I can't wait to meet him, but I know that I'll have to wait a while. I'll try to post pictures when I can. Thanks for all your prayers!!!