Babies, Babies, Babies, and Bees

This was a baby filled weekend.

On Saturday I went to visit Anne and Charles in the hospital. Charles is one cute baby. Notice I didn't say cute and "little". That's because Anne gave birth to a giant baby. I won't post the weight because Anne might want to tell you all about it herself, and I don't want to get in trouble with a new mama. However, if you do want to see the weight, go to Christine's blog. Oh, and if you want to see pictures of this darling baby, go to Laura's blog. Anne and Charles are both doing fine.

Later that night David and I went to see Knocked Up. As you might have guessed from the title, this movie is about a woman who has an unexpected pregnancy. The movie uses crude humor, drug humor, nudity, and a constant stream of the f-bomb, and yet I loved it. The reason is that despite all the vulgarity, the movie has an overwhelming pro-life message. At every turn it reinforces that even in the most undesirable circumstances, an unborn child still deserves to live. That, and I did think the movie was pretty funny. I don't think all that pro-life stuff was just wishful thinking or reading too much in to it on my part. If any of you see it, you'll have to tell me what you thought. Don't say I didn't warn you about all the cusses though.

Then, on Sunday I finally got to meet my nephew. David and I went down to St. Vincent's with my parents and we met my brother and sister-in-law there. Leah and I went in first because only two people are allowed to see him at a time and one of those people has to be the parent. Well, I was just overwhelmed with emotion when I saw Anthony Jr. He is even smaller than I imagined and he is so precious. You can tell that he doesn't like visitors a lot because when you look in his incubator he covers his face with his little hands and starts to squirm. If you visit him for too long his heart rate will drop and that's pretty much how he lets you know that he's had enough of you. The only bad part about it is that when it happens the doctors have to come over and breath for him until his heart rate comes back up. I would love to see Anthony Jr. again and I think about him all the time, but I would hate to cause his heart rate to drop like that again. It's just that my mother wanted us to meet the baby once in case the unthinkable happens. We had to wait about an hour for the baby's heart rate to stabilize before David could go in with my brother. It's funny, but when David came back he said that the baby was bigger than he imagined, which was the exact opposite of my reaction. I describe the baby this way: Imagine a 20 fl oz water bottle with thick pens for arms and legs. That's how small he is. When we were leaving the NICU David noticed a "lactation booth", which is a room that women, well you know what it's for. Anyway, when the room is open, it has a little sign in English and in Spanish saying so. When we passed this room it in fact was open so the sign said, "Lactation Booth: Open Abra". Well, David noticed this, pointed it out and said, "lactation booth: open a bra, hahahahahahaha". My mom thought it was hilarious and even my dad cracked a smile.

After all the babies this weekend, it's not surprising that David has come down with a pretty bad case of Baby Fever. Because of my own experience, graduate school, and Leah and Anthony's experience with Anthony Jr., until recently my baby temperature has been at about 32 degrees. But since I've graduated from school, my temperature has risen to about 98.6, so I'm at normal right now. Normal. We'll see what happens, but I'll predict trying for a baby before year's end. So I know that will make some people happy.

Oh, and now for the bees. Well, most of you know how we had a bat fly in though an open window in our bedroom a couple of weeks back. If you don't, scroll down through a couple of posts and you can get the whole story. We made sure to close that window so that a bat wouldn't fly through again. But there is still a problem with the window where the screen doesn't meet the glass correctly. Normally that wouldn't be a problem because even if something flew in though the gap, it wouldn't make it through the glass when the window is closed. Or so we thought. The window was closed, but we have those old fashioned locks where when you turn the window lock it leaves a little hole. So here's what happened. A swarm of bees, a swarm, not two or three but fifty bees, flew through the gap between the outside screen and the glass, and then flew up to the little hole by the window lock, evidently waited in line and came in three at a time (because the hole is not that big) and then started swarming around the room. Luckily I was at work because if I had been home I would have done something stupid like call 911 or scream incoherently or both. But David was home. Not only was he home, he was in the bedroom reading a book! He heard a buzzing sound by the window and looked to see these bees flying in. He dropped his book, ran to the kitchen to get some ant spray because it was either that or Windex, and started spraying it at the bees. In his running shorts. That is all the clothing he had on. Running shorts. Just imagine that for a second. My husband in his running shorts spraying ant spray wildly at an obviously homicidal swarm of bees. But it worked! He killed all the bees and wasn't stung even once. I was telling my friends Kristin and Jocelyn about this, and Jocelyn said that if anything else weird happens in our apartment, don't even bother calling the landlord, just call an exorcist. I'm beginning to think she's got the right idea.

Summertime Routine

Everything has been pretty mundane lately. I'm beginning to think that funny things only happen to me at school. I usually wait to update until something funny has happened to me. Well, nothing has lately. I don't have any antics to relate, so I guess I'll just give a boring life update.

I've been sleeping in until about 10:30 every morning.

David and I are on a new diet/ health plan called "The Schwarzbein Principal". An Endocrinologist who is evidently obsessed with her name came up with it. She's written about four books and they all have "Schwarzbein" in the title. In all seriousness, she pretty much advocates the things your grandmother tells you to do. You can't skip meals, you have to eat a balance of protein, carbs, veggies, and healthy fats, and you need to keep your blood sugar balanced. You do this by eating five times a day instead of three. Her theory is that most people have a damaged metabolism. If you repair your metabolism, you will automatically burn enough calories to attain or stay at an ideal body weight in addition to becoming super healthy. You cannot have sugar, fake sugar, alcohol, tobacco, or caffeine while on this diet. So, I automatically hated it from the start. I pretty much thought I was going to die. But eating five meals a day full of healthy stuff really does keep down my cravings for bad stuff. The only drawback is that I feel like half our life is devoted to cooking and shopping. Ol' Schwarzy, as I call the doctor who wrote this plan, says people with fairly healthy metabolisms can heal in about 1-3 months, so I'm hoping I'm in that category. I don't know why though. Ol' Schwarzy says that you can 't go back to your old ways after you are healed or you'll just ruin your metabolism again. So it looks like I'm on the straight and narrow. Sigh. I've never really liked the straight and narrow.

David and I are also in the middle of watching the top 50 movies of all time. We receive this travel magazine that we don't subscribe to called the Conde Nast. I think anyone who leaves the country for a trip automatically receives it. David and I like to call it the Conde Nasty or just The Nasty. I know, we're geniuses. Anyhow, I was looking through it one day to see what the top 100 snorkeling destinations are or something equally stupid. As I was looking, I came across this advertisement for Kettle One Vodka. The ad started, "Dear Kettle One Vodka Drinker". My eyes lit up at this because this was a couple of weeks ago before I cleaned myself up, got saved, and went on the Schwarzbein Principal. The rest of the ad read, "Are these the top 50 films of all time?" So, I ripped the list out and we've been watching the movies ever since. Granted, the list does ask whether the movies are top 50, and I'm not sure what sources compiled the list, so there are some crap movies on the list. However, most of them seem good. Our favorites so far are Chinatown and Deer Hunter. Our least favorite is 2001: A Space Odyssey. By the way, if I had said that title instead of written it, I would have called it a Space Oddity because I love David Bowie and always get the titles mixed up. Now, I don't care what you say about this movie. It was crap. I've heard a lot of people say that 2001 was an "important" movie. What this usually means is that some pretentious bastard made a piece of shit movie and people are too afraid of being called philistines to say so. Other people have said that I didn't get the point of the movie. No, I got the point. I understand. It's just that the point is stupid, the script is terrible, the acting is worse, and Stanley Kubric is a pretentious bastard. We're having fun watching the movies anyway. The best part is that all the older movies at Family Video are either two for a dollar or a dollar.

Let's see, hmmm. Besides sleeping a lot, being on a diet, and watching our movies, there's not much more.

Baby Update

I just want to give all of you an update on baby Anthony.

On Wednesday Anthony Jr. was rushed to St. Vincent's in Indianapolis because his intestine ruptured and he was dying. The doctors did surgery and told my brother and his wife it would take nothing short of a miracle for Anthony Jr. to even make it through the night. Well, the first miracle was achieved, many thanks in part to your prayers, because Anthony Jr. is alive but in critical condition. The doctors say that his intestine has to show signs of healing before they can upgrade his condition. If his intestine does not start to heal the doctors say he will die. To make matters worse, the little hole the baby has in his heart is impeding the healing process and his recovery from the surgery. Therefore, Anthony Jr. will undergo another surgery next week to repair the hole in his heart. This is extremely serious because the doctors must do the surgery even though they aren't sure how much more stress the baby's body can take.

Please, I beg you to keep Anthony Jr. and my family in your prayers. The situation is quite dire.

First, Outside, Inside, Last?

I'm working at Ivy Tech this summer as a writing tutor and a monitor at the Learning Resource Center. Because it's the summer semester, there is hardly anyone around to ask for writing assistance. This means that my main responsibility is to monitor the LRC. I have to do things like receive faxes from a machine I don't know how to work, give students directions to classrooms I've never seen, replace toner on a copier I've never been trained to use, and handle phone calls on subjects which I know nothing about. So really, as you might have guessed, my job boils down to the following phrase: "Um.. could you come back tomorrow between the hours of 8-5? Someone will be able to answer your question then." The rest of the time I watch youtube and write blogs and get paid pretty damn well to do it. I'm doing that right now as a matter of fact. Now, I'm a really good English tutor and I like doing it, but I suck at all this other stuff. I would feel bad about my inability to "monitor" the LRC except for the fact that no one has ever trained me how to do it. So, I just wing it. And because I do such exceptional work, I've been asked to take on more responsibilities.

Starting Thursday I'll be taking notes for a deaf woman here at the school. Her sister sits in on the class and signs to her while I write down the things that the teacher says. So basically she has a team of people working with her. And I think that's great. Opportunities for handicapped people have come such a long way. My only concern is why I have been chosen to do this job. I've never worked with disabled people in my life. I don't know all the PC things I have to do when I talk to her, I'm not sure if I say deaf or hearing impaired, I don't know anything. And I'm willing to bet there won't be any training. Now, I'm not one of those people who can't do anything without being told exactly how to do it, but I do need a little info sometimes. Oh, and here's the kicker. Guess what class I'm taking notes for? Math 131-Algebra and Trigonometry. If you know me at all, you'll be on the floor gaging with laughter. I am terrible at math. The only class I failed in college was math, and I think the math I took was easier than the stuff I'll be taking notes for. So I'm a little nervous. I keep telling myself, "Monica, it's okay. You're smart enough to recognize the important parts and write it down, even if you don't understand it." And that's true. I just have to write stuff down. It's not like I have to tutor her in the subject. I just which I had known what class I had signed on for before I said I would be a note taker. I haven't had a math class in three years, and I'm firmly convinced that the only reason why I passed that class was because I said a memorare right before the final. (Thank you, BVM!) All I remember from that class is FOIL. First, outside, inside, last! First, outside, inside, last! My plan is to just write FOIL down in the notes if I miss something. Actually, I'm going to try very hard to take the most comprehensive notes possible because I really do want to help this person, but I sure am nervous. Oh well, I guess I can add another line to my resume now. Sheesh. I'll let all of you know how it goes.

fitness plan, wedding anniversary, and wedding reception

I've been out of school now for a couple of weeks and can only say that I'm getting dumber and chubbier every minute I've been out. During the summer I usually commit myself to getting fit, but for some reason I just can't get myself to do it this time. I'm going to force myself to do Pilates tomorrow and then go to Jazzercise. I hope this will jump start my summer fitness program. All the graduation parties and my wedding anniversary these past couple of weeks have not done a thing for my waistline. As for the getting dumber thing, I'm not sure anything can save me. Just yesterday I had to ask David what the genitive singular personal pronoun was for 3rd person in Latin. It's "eius" by the way. But it was really disturbing because I have taught that very pronoun to people for the past two years. I predict that by the end of the summer I will only be able to read at Dr. Seuss level. Maybe that's not so bad. I mean, the guy's a doctor. I don't know what he got his PhD in. Perhaps it was rhyming. I've heard that Whoville University has a really competitive program in rhyme. Or maybe Dr. Seuss is actually a cardiac surgeon. I don't know. The point is that I'm getting stoopid. I don't think there is any help for my fitness or intellectual situation. Bummer.

I did mention in passing that David and I had our wedding anniversary recently. It was on the 20th to be precise. I woke up with a bit of an anniversary headache from a wedding and reception I went to the day before. (more on that later) It was nothing some Advil and Gatorade couldn't fix. Anyhow, we woke up and David made an anniversary smoothie while I made an anniversary cup of tea. Then we went to anniversary mass and came home and took an anniversary nap. Afterwards, we had an anniversary steak dinner, went anniversary bowling, and then watched an anniversary movie. And yes, we did refer to all of these things as our anniversary this and that. It got pretty funny by the end of the night. We even extended it to the next day when David and I went anniversary golfing with Peter. Being married is pretty fun for the most part, and I give my first year of marriage two thumbs up.

Now, on to the wedding from the night before. I went to a wedding of some people I hardly know because one of my friends asked me to be her guest. The wedding was at Blessed Sacrament, or what I've heard an Irishman call "Our Lady of the Mothership" for its interesting architecture that I guess resembles a flying saucer. Its not my favorite Catholic church in town but they do have a great devotion to St. Monica there. I'm not going to critique the wedding or anything, but I'll say that it was pretty "mod" and they didn't even have communion even though both people getting married were Catholic. Weird. Weird and fishy actually.

Anyhow, we only found out a couple of days before that the reception that we thought was going to have an open bar was really going to be as dry as one of those cow skulls you see out in the desert. That would be fine, but Kristin, Brett, Jocelyn, and I all wanted to dance. And being from the socio-econnomic and ethnic backgrounds that we are from, (white, middle class kids with Irish, Sweedish and Hungarian roots, respectively) we cannot dance without alcohol. So I borrowed David's three flasks, filled them with Bacardi, stuck them in my purse, put the rest of the booze in Kristin's trunk, and entered the reception. This was all with the bride's permission, by the way. Then we ordered our cokes, went to the bathroom, poured our alcohol in them and proceeded to get a healthy but modest buzz. Then the flasks ran out, so we decided to go out to the car to fill up again. This was our fatal flaw. We took our cokes outside, filled them up with booze and came back in. But before we could get back to the reception hall we were stopped by the EXCISE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!! The man showed us his badge and asked us if we had any alcohol in our drinks. By this time I was buzzing pretty hard, so I contemplated either drinking my rum and coke really fast and asking him "what drink?", or just flat out telling him "no." But more sober heads prevailed and Kristin told him "yes." So this jerk confiscates our drinks and lectures us about how the hotel could be fined and blah, blah, blah. I thought this was ridiculous because we could have stepped three feet to the right of the officer and gone to the hotel bar, had 20 beers, and walked right back into the reception hall if we wanted to. A couple of days later when I was telling this story to Mrs. Schafer, she asked me who the excise police were, and I told her that they were people who wanted to prevent other people from having fun at wedding receptions. And I still partly hold to that.

Anyhow, the rest of the reception was pretty boring because the DJs played really lame music. I asked one of the DJs to play "2 Legit 2 Quit" because my friend Kris was there and he and I have some history with Hammer. Well (and I'm not kidding) when I requested the song, the DJ gave me this look like, "we don't play that kind of music." And she was from Kentucky. If she had a problem with Hammer, I would have hated to see her face if I had had a lot to drink and requested "Push It" as I have at other receptions. Basically, that was my wedding reception/slash run-in with the cops experience.

Later on we did go to the hotel bar with the rest of the wedding party where I witnessed my debit card being stolen. I promptly walked up to the girl, looked at her with my debit card in her hand, took it out of her hand, said "thank you" and walked away. I also had my hand crushed by the mother of the groom that night. She walked up to me in the bar and said in a really crappy tone, "how do you know my son?" Well, I was scared because technically I don't know him. After I had explained, she shook my hand and squeezed it really hard for a really long time, and it hurt like hell. So many other little things happened that night, but I think this post has gone on long enough. So I'm just going to end it here.

Precious little baby

Here is another picture of Anthony Jr. and my mother's hand. Look at how small his foot is!! I hope I get to meet him soon. We're trying to think of a nickname for the baby since my brother's name is Anthony too. Alexander wants to call him AJ, for Anthony Junior. I think that name is so boring. I want to call him Ace, you know like how Father Miller calls guys Ace? If I don't get to call him Ace I'm just going to call him Anthony. I suppose I should ask my brother and Leah what they think.

Baby pic

Here is a picture of Anthony Jr. I hope to have more soon. Please keep up the prayers.

New Baby

My nephew, Anthony Ross Arnett Jr., was born today. He weighs 15.5 ounces and is 11 inches long. He has already been baptized and the doctors say he is healthy and happy. Obviously he has a long road ahead of him until he gets out of the hospital, but things look good so far. I can't wait to meet him, but I know that I'll have to wait a while. I'll try to post pictures when I can. Thanks for all your prayers!!!

Going Batty

Well, the semester ended Friday and I thought that I would be able to sleep in after that. But Saturday I had to get up early to exercise. Sunday we were in Ft. Wayne visiting David's parents. Monday we had to get up early to go back to Lafayette. Tuesday I was woken up by the mutant children down the street. So I thought I would finally get a good night's sleep last night. I opened the window so the breeze would blow in and keep me cool. Well, I didn't know this, but there is a space where the window frame and the screen do not meet perfectly and leaves a crack.(Surprise! Something wrong with a Godby apartment!)Anyhow, as I was just about to fall asleep David lunged awake and said, I think there's a bird in our room. Sure enough there was something flying quickly in circles near the ceiling of our room. However, this "bird" was really a bat!!!!I immediately turned into a girly girl, squealed, covered my entire body with the blanket and told David to go get it. The bat flew out of our room and into the living room with David in hot pursuit. I spent the next half hour covered in bed while David was out in the living room throwing bean bags at the bat, which had perched itself on the woodwork of our high ceilings. I think the bat was probably laughing.

David said the bat would not leave the living room and the best thing to do would be to close the bedroom door, go to sleep, and get the bat in the morning. Well, our bedroom door does not close correctly (again, big surprise). In order for it to close all the way, you have to put your entire body weight into it and then when it closes, the seal is almost air tight. David did this and we tried to get back to sleep. Unbeknownst to us, the bat had actually flown back in our room and we shut it in. About a half hour later, David lunged awake again and we saw the bat doing circles around the room. David wrenched the door open, which was hard to do, and let the bat out again. By this time I'm freaking out. I completely covered myself with the blanket and told David to go get the bat. I told David to get the broom and get the bat out that way. David chased the bat to our entryway where he swatted at it for about a half hour. He said he had to jump and swat with the broom at the same time because the bat was flying so high. Damn those high ceilings! He finally got a direct hit and stunned the bat enough that it fell to the floor and did not move. David then swept the bat out of the apartment and on the the front porch where he flew away a couple of minutes later. Then we finally were able to get some sleep.

So, to make a long story short, we will be getting an AC this summer instead of leaving the windows open, and I will try again tonight and tomorrow morning to get a good night's sleep.

Prayers Needed!!!

Dear Friends,

As some of you know, my sister-in-law, Leah, is pregnant. She has recently had problems with her blood pressure skyrocketing because of a problem with her blood vessels that she did not know she had before she was pregnant. This extremely high blood pressure is called preeclampsia. When preeclampsia occurs it disrupts blood flow to the placenta and the baby can't get enough nutrients to grow. Her Preeclampsia has gotten so bad that she has to be in the hospital until she delivers the baby. The problem is that she is only 23 weeks pregnant and the doctors say it is doubtful that she will even make it to 28 weeks before they have to induce. If they don't induce it is possible that both Leah and the baby could die from the high blood pressure. Of course, if they induce too early, it is still possible that the baby could die because he is so small. He only weighs 12 ounces right now. I am so scared and I know the rest of my family is too. Please, please, please pray for my brother, my sister-in-law, and my unborn nephew, even if it's just one small, quick prayer.

Finals week update

I have written 48 pages in the last eight days. I did not have any of my papers started as of last tuesday night. I'm going a little crazy. If I have spoken to you in the past couple of days and have seemed a little um....out of it or perhaps crazed, this is why. For the past two days I've had an on again off again headache in the back, top left side of my head. My vision has been bluring a little when I sit down to look at the computer. I think all of this is just due to strain on my eyes, but who knows? Maybe I have a paper induced tumor. But it will all be over tomorrow when I turn in the last eight pages of my college paper writing career. This will bring my page count up to 56 pages in nine days. I know that doesn't sound like much when you average it out to 6.222222222222222222222222222 pages a day,but believe me it was a lot. I'm not promising these papers are masterpieces, but I think they do meet and fill the requirements asked of me, and that's all I care about right now.

The Best Part of Wakin' Up

As my next door neighbor and good friend Anne explained a couple of posts ago on her blog, we live in an interesting neighborhood. In fact, my all time favorite rap group, Bone Thugs N Harmony, might describe our neighborhood as a little "thuggish ruggish". I don't know what this means, but I've heard them say it in a number of their songs, and I take it to mean some sort of descriptive term for a 'hood or one's way of life. Now, it's not like we live in inner-city Chicago or even or even inner-city FT. Wayne for that matter. Just kidding David. But we do live in "Godbyville", a one block string of old houses that were converted to apartments and owned by people named Godby. It's in North Central Lafayette, or NCL, as all my home fries like to call it. Anyhow, you could guess that these apartments might draw people who live the "thuggish ruggish" lifestyle. And they do. Lately, there has been a couple who can't seem to agree on anything. And when they can't agree, the man seems to think that he should solve the problem by going outside and yelling as loud as he can. The worst part is that this usually happens at 7:00 am. Who has the energy to have a fight at 7:00 am? And usually fights don't break down into yelling for at least a half an hour, so this means that these people started fighting at 6:30. They must just wake up, roll over, and start fighting.

Well, the last little disturbance went something like this:

Woman- something inaudible from inside apartment
Man- (from outside apartment) Fuck you too! I've been too nice to you.

That's how I woke up Monday morning, so at first I wasn't thinking very nice things about this man. Yet, the more I started thinking about the rules of etiquette, I realized that this was probably a very proper gentleman. Let's review! I got all these rules from a social etiquette website.

1. Be Polite

Remember when you are in a social situation it is important to always be polite and respectful of other guests even if you vehemently disapprove of certain comments or other individuals are not being polite.

This guy did mention that he had been "too nice", which is firm evidence of his politeness.

2. Personal space

Allowing individuals their personal space is important in all conversations, but especially in social etiquette conversation. This allows you to seem interested, polite and respectful of the other individual which are all social requirements.

This guy was allowing plenty of personal space. He was all the way outside.

3.Keep it Short

In social situations it is always important to understand the nature of social etiquette conversation and keep conversations short and socialize with everyone present. If you have a long, in depth conversation with certain individuals they might be resentful because they are interested in exchanging pleasantries with everyone in attendance.

This man kept it to two sentences.

4. Keep Words Simple and Understandable

During the course of a conversation, it is proper to ensure that each sentence or phrase that a speaker would deliver is understood. A listener will normally ask questions from time to time. This means that there are points in the message that he does not readily understand meaning that further explanation of some meanings and implications must be clarified before the speaker is to go on and deliver the entire message.

Fuck. You. Too. I think that's understandable enough.

5. Volley the Conversation

Good conversation is a volley, a tennis volley. You say something, and they will say something, back and forth. Neither of you should hog the conversation.

It is obvious from the "too" in the man's statement that he was just trying to volley the conversation back to the woman.

This man followed the major rules of conversation etiquette, so you can imagine my surprise when I went out to catch the bus and found a police car in front of his apartment. I guess some people just don't appreciate good and proper conversation.

News from Benedict XVI

In the Holy Father's recent apostolic exhortation, entitled Sacramentum Caritatis, we read again how he is trying to restore the use of liturgical Latin and Gregorian chant:

In order to express more clearly the unity and universality of the Church, I wish to endorse the proposal made by the Synod of Bishops, in harmony with the directives of the Second Vatican Council, that, with the exception of the readings, the homily and the prayer of the faithful, it is fitting that such liturgies be celebrated in Latin. Similarly, the better-known prayers of the Church's tradition should be recited in Latin and, if possible, selections of Gregorian chant should be sung. Speaking more generally, I ask that future priests, from their time in the seminary, receive the preparation needed to understand and to celebrate Mass in Latin, and also to use Latin texts and execute Gregorian chant; nor should we forget that the faithful can be taught to recite the more common prayers in Latin, and also to sing parts of the liturgy to Gregorian chant. (http://xprex.stblogs.org/)

All I have to say is YAY! I wonder how Ol' Higi is going to squirm his way out of this one.

On a side note- I've just finished one paper and have two more to go.

April Showers

This is perhaps one of the worst spring days to decide to wear sandals. I tried to tell myself today that if I approach my pain and suffering, no matter how slight, with the right attitude, then I would benefit from it. That attitude being that Christ suffered and died for all my sins and the sins of all the world. Therefore, I should be able to walk through a couple of big puddles with half shod feet,and perhaps give this suffering up to Christ. Therefore, my commute from one campus building to another today has been filled with stoic teeth clenching punctuated by frantic sissy squeals and shivers. I'm such a wimp.

Monica's Intrigue and Espionage Quiz

Well, finals week is coming soon and this will probably be my last post for a week or two. I want to talk today about the qualities that would make one a good spy, or conversely, a good bad guy. This is inspired by the new James Bond flick, Casino Royale. It is one of my favorite Bond movies of all time and certainly better than anything that smarmy Pierce Brosnan did. The chase scene at the beginning of this movie was particularly cool. With that being said, I present to you Monica's Intrigue and Espionage Quiz: Casino Royale style.

How do you know if you would make a good spy? There are several questions one must ask themselves when considering a career in espionage. For example-

Do you have a chiseled face and even more chiseled abs?

Do you find that people want to have sex with you wherever you go?

Have you ever been in multiple car chases and or crashes in the same day?

Have you ever had to difibrillate yourself because some stone cold fox poisoned your martini?

Have you ever engaged in a fist fight, gun battle, or swordplay with a Russian? Did you win?

Are you good at poker?

Have you saved more than three structures from blowing up? Alternately, have you blown up more than three structures?

Do you have a totally, totally, totally, awesome car? Does it have weapons attached to it?

If you answered "yes" to 4 of these questions, you might make a good spy. If you answered "yes" to 6 or more of these questions, you are probably already a spy.

Now let's see if you would make a good bad guy-

Are you French?

Do you fund international terrorists (those who buy Heinz products excluded)?

Do you have an eye problem? Problems can include excessive tearing, a patch, astigmatism, etc.

Are you good at math?

Even though you are kind of ugly, do you have an extremely hot wife who stays out all hours of the night?

Do you go by your last name even though your last name is really hard to pronounce?

Do you leave the only gun you own in the top drawer of your desk even though you know people are constantly trying to kill you?

Is it true that all your friends and family really know about your job is that you "help people do things"?

Has anyone ever put a tracking device in your asthma inhaler?

If you answered "yes" to 4 of these questions, you might be a bad guy. If you answered "yes" to six or more of these questions, you are definitely a bad guy.

I hope this little quiz had helped you sort out your place in life.

Sigh....

Sigh. That's all. Tuesday hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm totally bummin'

Shirley Homemaker... or whatever her name is

It is now my blogging style to look at neat little quizzes, tests, and series of questions from other people's blogs and then copy off of these people and put the same little tests on my own blog. It has no originality whatsoever. The following was inspired by, okay directly lifted from, Anne's blog. It's about what type of homemaker you are,or more likely how good you at being one. Prepare to be amazed!

Aprons- Y/N?
Yes, I do think they are restrictive and probably a modern form of a torture device invented by men to keep their wives in place. I assume that's what a question like "Aprons?" means. Right?

Baking- Favorite things to bake:
Um...Alaska. Yeah... baked Alaska

Clothesline-Y/N?
Not anymore... but when I was younger I used to do it to my brother all the time. My mom would always yell at me and tell me I was going to crush my brother's windpipe.

Donuts- Have you ever made them?
Yes, I actually have. When I was an undergraduate I used to frequent this coffee shop that was open 24/7, and it had a bunch of stoners who worked the late shifts. I befriended these people and at three or four in the morning they would let me and my friends come behind the counter to make the donuts that they would sell the next morning. It was good times!

Every day- One homemaking thing you do every day.
Well, like an AA member trying not to drink, I just try to take homemaking one day at a time. My daily homemaking task is to turn to comforter on the bed the right way before I go to sleep so my feet don't stick out in the middle of the night. This little task annoys David to no end. He can sleep with the blanket facing any direction.

Freezer- Do you have a separate deep freeze?
No, and our regular freezer is basically filled with "Lean Gourmet" frozen dinners.

Garbage Disposal- Y/N?
We don't have one but that really doesn't stop David and me from treating the sink like we do have one. I think that's what this question means. If it's asking if we take out the garbage, then yes, we do. And by "we" I mean David.

Handbook- What is your favorite homemaking resource?
Hmmm... I own so many homemaking handbooks that it's really hard to decide.

Ironing- Love it or hate it?
Well, I don't own an iron and I don't think you could call what I do with an iron actual "ironing." For me it's more like "wrinkle relocation." I always get rid of the wrinkles that were there initially but not without putting new ones elsewhere on the garment.

Junk Drawer- Y/N? Where is it?
Yes, usually it's the living room. The entire living room.

Kitchen: Design and Decorating-
I've tried to go with the bottles of alcohol and penguin cookie jar theme. I think I've pulled it off really well.

Love- what is your favorite part of homemaking?
The part where I clean the apartment and the next day it looks just as bad as it did the day before. It's like letting a ray of light into my heart.

Mop- Y/N?
I seriously thought at first that this question was asking if I owned one. I felt pretty good because I do. But then I realized that it was probably asking if I liked it or how often I do it. Considering that I've been using the mop bucket as a target to chip golf balls into the past couple of weeks, I would say that I don't mop very regularly according to normal standards.

Nylons- wash by hand or in the washing machine?
You can wash nylons?

Oven- Do you use the window or open the door to check?
Check what? Oh right, all the baked Alaska I've been baking. I'll go with door because I have no window light, but It's a really scary prospect. When David was at Wabash he had this homicidal oven that would not light when it was supposed to. It would just fill up with gas and then when he went to open the door the flame would light and massive fire balls would shoot out. It was like scenes from "Backdraft." So I'll probably always be worried about that until we live in a place with a new-ish oven.

Pizza- what do you put on yours?
Better question: "Pizza- what does this have to do with homemaking?" Well, I don't make any pizza because David is allergic to wheat and if I made a pizza for myself and he was around, it is very likely that he would have to go on antidepressants. When I go out with friends for pizza, I like pepperoni, onion, and mushroom.

Quiet- what do you do during the day to get a quiet moment-
I reflect on my inner goddess while facing toward Chicago, where Oprah lives.

Recipe box- Y/N?
I did own one once because I found that the plastic ones are a great place to keep my Latin vocab flash cards.

Style of House-
Um.. for what I currently live in? Think of Brideshead and then imagine the exact opposite.

Tablecloths and napkins- Y/N.
I won't touch any linens that have under a 300 thread count.

Under the sink- organized or toxic wasteland?
It's fine I think.

Vacuum- How many times per week?
I actually like to vacuum. The vacuum I have now is an old one that my mom gave to my brother and then my brother gave it to me. When Anthony gave it to me he said "I'm not sure if there's a bag in there." That was last summer and I've been too afraid to look. My aunt on the other hand owns one of those Dyson vacuums, which are like the Mercedes of vacuums. She told me how much it costs, and all I'm going to say is that it cost about as much as we payed for our truck.

Wash- how many loads of laundry do you do per week?
I'd say two loads every two weeks. We don't have a washing machine, so I go over to my parents on Saturdays when David is at work and do the laundry then.


X's- Do you keep a daily list of things to do that you cross off?
Yeah.. it usually looks something like this:
Wake up- check
Don't forget to teach Latin- check
Learn about something boring in my classes- check
Try not to vomit on the bus ride home- check mostly
Read or ignore excessive amounts of reading for my classes- check

Yard- Y/N. Who does what?
We don't have a yard, but we do have a little patch of grass outside our apartment. I usually chip golf balls out there (see mop question for further details) and David usually stays out of the "yard". The Godby's crazy maintenance man, Chris, does the mowing.

Zzz's- What is your last homemaking task for the day before going to bed?
Trying to straighten that aforementioned blanket so my feet aren't exposed to the cold.

Well, that was fun and pretty much true. I actually will be interested to see how my answers change in 5 years. Probably it will be mostly the same except for replacing the "classes routine" with the "yelling at the kids routine."

Paper Writing

On the last post I forgot to thank everyone who prayed for me about my MA exam. Thanks everyone!!! Now that that is over I have a false sense of relaxation setting in. I feel like everything is almost done even though I haven't started in on my three final papers yet, and I know I also have two final exams to prepare for. Today on the bus ride to campus I told Peter that I planned to write one paper this weekend, one paper next weekend, and one paper the following weekend. The papers are due on the 24th, 30th, and 2nd. Now that I've announced these plans, I had better get to it. Here are the papers I'll be writing and in this order:

1. Desiring the seen: "ocular proof" in Othello and Hamlet. This one is about how both Othello and Hamlet want postive visual confirmation before they act. Othello wants to see Desdimona cheat and Hamlet wants to be sure that the ghost he sees is real and that of his father.

2. Augustinian influence in John Donne's "An Elegy upon the Untimely Death of the Incomparable Prince Henry" This one is about how Donne takes directly from "City of God" to prove points about faith and reason in the face of catastrophic human events, such as the death of a future king.

3. Latin Calque phrases in Old English. This paper points out that when English was just forming, many phrases (especially religious and theological)were taken directly from Latin and translated word for word into Old English. Example- "Viri Dei" became "Godes Folces". This is a big deal because the Anglo Saxons could have just made up a new word or words for these phrases, but they didn't. They tried to fit Latin phrases into the same internal structure while changing the letters or morphemes in to Old English. It's pretty neat stuff.

So, that's what I'll be doing the next few weekends. Of course, I already have plans to play golf with David, Peter, and Dan this Friday, so my paper writing might have to suffer a little. I'm sure you can look for all of these papers on the list of bestsellers soon. More likely, if you ever need any help sleeping I'll send one of these papers over to you you'll be sleeping in no time.

Goin' Pro

I just received news yesterday that I did pass my MA exam. I guess that means that I'll finally have to leave school and go pro. Now I just have two 20 page papers and a 10 page paper to write and I'll be done!

Visual DNA and FOCUS test

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As you can see, I've copied off of Christine and David to give you my visual DNA. If you look at mine and compare it to David's, you can see that it looks like we have very little in common. This happens on every personality test we take. Take our FOCUS test for instance. That test is so dumb. If you're Catholic and engaged you have to take this test as part of your pre-marriage requirements. I knew David and I were ready to get married, but that test made it look like we barely knew each other. True, we got a 100% on parenting issues, but we also got some 50%'s too. Of course, the Neuliebs were getting married a week before us, so I asked them how their FOCUS test went. I think they were inducted into the FOCUS test hall of fame for their outrageously high score on everything. In fact, I think they now call it the Neulieb test. Just kidding Anne and Peter! Anyhow, I was upset about our scores at the time until I (with the help of Anne) came to the simple realization that David and I are just different people. I'm not the man version of him and he's not the woman version of me, and that's probably why we love each other so much. Oh, I did have one more realization about the focus test. They only make you take that test so that aside from the normal questions, they can slip in a couple of deal breaker questions like, "Has your finace ever hit you?", or "Do you consider murder a reasonable reaction for infidelity?" and the like. So if you've taken the focus test and would like to give your general reactions to your own scores, leave a comment.

MA exam and golf etiquette

I took my MA exam on Thursday and I'm glad to have it finished. I'm not willing to say I passed it because if I didn't pass, then I would look really stupid when I had to make a new post saying I failed my exam. The questions were a lot different than I thought they would be. I was expecting long intricate questions that would test my knowledge on not only the texts but also some smarmy theory to go along with it. Instead I got things like, "Many critics say that older literature cannot portray women as noble characters. Support or refute this claim by using examples from Ovid's Metamorphosis, a medieval work, and a renaissance work." This question struck me as really vague and kind of easy. And that's why I'm concerned I failed the exam. Either the question really was easy or I'm just too dumb to realize the complexities of such a quandary. I pick the latter.

Anyhow, the next day we went golfing for Peter's 22nd birthday. As some of you might know, I played golf in high school and enjoyed it very much. Our team was very good, but I was the worst player on the team. It's nice to get back to the sport and I'd like to play a lot over the summer. David likes playing, but he hates it when I try to tell him about golf etiquette. Golf is one of the only games that I know where you have to be nice or at least follow very strict conventions that make you look like you are being nice. For instance, you should never talk when someone else is getting ready to swing, you should always let a smaller or quicker group play through if you think you'll hold them up, you should always hold or pull the pin for the person who is putting first, always rake your footprints out of the sand trap, etc. Well, every time I try to tell David about these little rules, he just looks at me like I'm some overbearing rule freak who is too concerned with stuffy etiquette. All I'm saying is that I was taught these rules and got in trouble with my coach if he ever saw us breaking one of these rules, so sorry! Jeeze. And I haven't even told David about how you aren't supposed to stand in a person's "line" while putting. I think if I did, he would go bonkers. But really, it's not like I'm using my knowledge of golf rules to lord it over anyone. I just have the courage tell people about proper etiquette.

begging and pleading

Okay... So this isn't a real update. I going to use my own forum to beg and plead with all of my friends and anyone else who reads this blog to pray for me before I take my MA exam. The exam is this Thursday and um...I'm freaking out...just a little. I just made a 48 page study guide that I can go over until Thursday. Please...I know it's Lent and most of you have a lot of things to pray about, but please try to squeeze a couple of prayers in for me.

All about the Benjamin

Okay, in the past two days I have been criticized for not only updating my blog too slowly but also for not reading other people's blogs frequently enough. Sheesh.

I have had great plans to write about my love of literary (and TV) villains. I've also wanted to post on the very real problem of spiritual manipulation. I know it doesn't look like it from my blog, but I actually like to sit and ruminate on these topics before I write about them. Which brings me to the problem. I have had very little time to sit and ruminate about anything lately. And, unlike some people, I did not just jaunt off to some snooty colleges, so I cannot just throw up a post on how those visits went.

Well, I'm not going to talk to you today about villains or spiritual manipulation. Instead, I want to speak to you today about... Benjamin Franklin. I'm required to read this man's autobiography so that I might graduate college with a master's degree. I approached it with a certain degree of hesitation because most of the other reading on my list has been slow going, and that even counts the books that are in my area. So I opened the book last night and found that this is actually a great book and a really quick read. Franklin's style is fun and engaging. His life story reads more like an adventure novel, and I'm only at the part where he's 18 years old. Not only that, but from what I can tell, this guy is a nutcase. He wanted to leave home at 17 to move from Boston to Philadelphia. He was concerned that no boat would take him to Philadelphia alone because of his age. Therefore, he hatched an ingenious plot. Franklin had one of his friends tell a ship captain that he (Franklin) had knocked up a "naughty girl" and had to leave town ASAP. The captain, being a man of the sea, knew all too well about these kinds of scrapes and offered to take him to Philadelphia straight away. There he determined to set up a printing press, and he also made friends with people stranger than fiction.

Perhaps it's because I've been reading only classical and renaissance works for the past two or three years, or perhaps it's because Ben Franklin is just one of those guys who had an amazing life, but I am really enjoying this book. Maybe next I'll read some of Lincoln's speeches or something. All this time I have pushed off reading early American Lit. until I "retire." I've always seen it as kind of beneath the stuff I'm reading now, but who knows? Maybe I can add on early American Lit as a secondary area. That is, if I ever go on to get my PhD.

Un-funny Papers

I've found myself wondering about some weighty topics the past two weeks. For example, what does sectarian Muslim violence in the Middle East mean for the rest of the world? What kind of havoc will Hugo Chavez's socialism unleash on poor South American countries? Am I really serving God to the best of my abilities? But above all I've been pondering this extremely weighty issue: Why do our comics suck so bad? Every day I look, and every day they suck. I want to address this problem full force and list the main culprits in this void of jocularity. I do realize that Lafayette's newspaper or even the Indianapolis Star might not be at the height of comic revelry, and I also realize that there are probably some really cool underground comics I haven't heard about. But I think that syndicated comics have been on a decline ever since Bill Waterson retired and "Calvin and Hobbes" left the newspapers.(Do you italicise comic strip titles? This is not the thing one usually has to look up in the MLA handbook.) So let's take a look at the worst of the worst and then examine the larger issue of why the are so unfunny. P.S. the links and images on blogspot aren't working right now, so I'll add them later.

First up, "Garfield." Yeah, I know that Jim Davis is from Indiana and that only makes it more embarrassing to live in this state. This is seriously the most unfunny, repetitive, and stupid comic strip that ever was produced, and that's even at the height of it's popularity back in the 80's. When I would read this comic as I child I just thought that my reading skills weren't good enough to understand Garfield's jokes, and that's why they weren't funny to me. Imagine that! I thought that Garfield was over my head. Now I just realize that it's an awful cartoon and Jim Davis and his team of "writers" and "illustrators" must be the laziest people alive. Let's take a look at a Garfield from 2/3/07. Scene Panel 1: Garfield standing at the same table/counter top thing he always stands at. Eyes two thirds of the way closed, no smile, one arm propped on the counter top thing. In the little bubble Garfield thinks to himself, "Cat's live on instinct." Panel 2 (same scene) Garfield, same exact position and facial expression, this time with no bubble at all. I guess this is Jim Davis' way of preparing us for the ultrafunny punchline. Panel 3: Garfield, same position but this time with his eyes wide open and a smile on his face. He says, "And my instinct could go for some of those extra-spicy chicken wings." Fin. The masterpiece is complete. Reasons for awfulness: Bad drawing, bad writing, laziness, no sense of humor. One a side note, I did like the Saturday morning Garfield cartoon show they did, and the Halloween special wasn't half-bad (But it was no Disney's "The legend of Sleepy Hollow.") (Am I over using parentheses today?) (I hate that.) Moving on.

"Cathy." I want to vomit every time I see this comic. Take the most annoying, uninteresting, fat lady who you work with, live next to, or "help" with computer questions every Wednesday night at a nondescript local community college and put her in the funny papers. That was the formula for the person whose name I refuse to learn for making up this comic strip. I thought that when Cathy married her obviously gay husband they would go off into the sunset somewhere and try on bathing suits together that are way too small . But no, it kept going. Always fat. Always boring. Always Cathy. It's only more painful to know that women on a diet everywhere have this comic strip hanging on their refrigerators.

"For Better or for Worse." Strike one- It's Canadian and they talk about all their annoying Canadian things. I'm sure if Lynn Johnston could transcribe a Canadian accent in this comic strip she would ('Ey Elizabeth, how's aboot goin' to an 'ockey game and drinkin' some Molson light, eh? I have a mullet, eh?) Strike two- For as bad as Garfield is, I think that it is at least trying to be funny. I think. For Better or For Worse Doesn't even try. It's just a chronicle of a boring family, two geezers, and a dog. Strike three- I can't even imagine that we have to import bad comic strips from an effete nanny state. The last time I checked, we had a surplus of our own terrible comic strips. I'm not sure if that last one really counts as a strike, but I'm running with it.

"Doonesbury." I know what you're thinking, and yes, this comic is about ten times smarter that most other comic strips in syndication. However, Doonesbury to a child is like LSD to a hippie. Think about it. When I read this one as a child, I never understood what was going on, I had the vague sense that someone was insulting me, I didn't know why that one guy never took off his army helmet, and I sure as hell didn't know why a waffle dripping with butter and syrup was standing behind the presidential podium. See, just like an acid trip. As an adult, I dislike it for completely different reasons. It is soooooo arrogantly liberal. And this comic strip is taped up to all the arrogantly liberal professors' office doors in my buildings.

And the last crappy comic award goes to...."B.C." I really don't have a lot to say about this one besides the fact that it has never been funny....ever. Whether it's the fat lady beating a snake with a stick, the one guy looking up stupid definitions in the dictionary, or that same one guy reflecting on the death and Resurrection of Christ, which one can tell from the title hasn't even happend yet, these are all not funny. And at the end of the day, I suppose it really does take talent to make a comic strip that has never caused anyone on the face of the earth to laugh.

This list is in no way comprehensive. If you think something else should have made the list, leave it in the comment box. David kept telling me that I should put Family Circus on the list, but I resisted. I mean, everyone knows that that one isn't funny and people have even put this fact in movies ("Go" 1999) and all other forms of media. Some of you might be looking for Peanuts on this list, but I actually like it. There's something about a bird that talks in all apostrophes that really cracks me up. What the hell is Woodstock saying? ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''! Is he calling for help, or asking someone out on a date? I have no idea. I also like the fact that the entire "Peanuts" gang seems to be orphaned and must fend for themselves. It adds a little grit to what looks like just another sweet comic strip on the surface. Oh, and I like the fact that Snoopy has delusions of grandeur. That stuff is great. The Halloween and Christmas specials rock, too. And some of you might remember that the wedding party song at our reception was "The Ballad of Linus and Lucy," which is a truly awesome song.

Some people might say, "Monica, when you become fat and boring/ get a lazy cat/ become a liberal professor/ expatriate to Canada/ become a Christian caveman, you'll think these comic strips are funny too." And I'll say to those people, "No. I will not." It's true that our senses of humor change with our age and situation. For instance, I no longer think that "The Muppet Show" is funny. Well, actually I do. That's a funny show. The point is that one should not shape what they think is funny solely by their station in life. I really hope that I won't find "Family Circus" funny when I have kids. The thought of it actually terrifies me a great deal. That comic strip promotes the untrue idea that every time a child mispronounces something or breaks something it turns into comic genius.

So, if these comic strips aren't funny, why do people read them? Because I truly don't believe that most people think they are funny. I think the reason has to be that many people find these comic strips comforting, and that comfort is confused for humor. At least for me, if something is funny, it either has to be sharp, ironic, witty, or slightly subversive. And I don't mean in any complete overthrowing of social mores sort of way. I just mean that it's funny enough to make me slightly uncomfortable because it points out the stupidity of something I or people I know do. Cathy, on the other hand, points out the stupid things that people do and at the end tells people it's okay because other people do it too. It's the same thing with Doonesbury. Liberals can feel good about the fact that they will never be as stupid as those silly red state types. It's the comfort factor. These are just my opinions. Perhaps "For Better or For Worse" is really a laugh riot and I'm too stupid to realize it.

With all that being said, what are the funny comic strips? Well, I already mentioned "Calvin and Hobbes." That will always be the funniest in my mind. Foxtrot was funny, but it's slipping pretty fast. Andy Capp. Now that's funny. Any comic strip about a drunk in a domestic abuse situation is comic gold. I actually think that the idea of Andy Capp is funnier than Andy Capp itself, but still.

So there you have it. Unfunny comic strips and the reason for their existence. Comment or criticize freely.

Volunteer

I've been thinking about joining the Peace Corps. David says I'm crazy and Claire says the Peace Corps. is immoral. Okay, how about the Catholic Relief Service volunteer program? That should be pretty good. Is it weird that I want to run away TO Nicaragua? Most people are running from it. This is probably just a passing fantasy that I have because I feel like I'm not doing anything useful for mankind by cooping myself up in a classroom and listening to people drone on and on about John Donne. But, I mean, I don't even like camping. Volunteering would be like a 2 year long and very hard camping trip, right? I don't know. Maybe I'll just go home and vacuum.

Books a Plenty

I decided I would follow Christine's lead and make my excuses for not updating as regularly as usual. As I mentioned in my last post, the thesis exam is quickly approaching and I need to start reading large quantities at a quick pace if I want to be prepared. I have also made an appointment at the eye doctor so I can actually read the words I stare at. The glasses will not only help with exam preparation. I assume the glasses will also remove me as a lethal threat during night driving. I have always been loath to wear glasses, not because I think I will look dorky but because once you start wearing them, you can never go back. I've needed glasses since high school, but it is amazing how rapidly my eyesight has deteriorated over the past two years. I think what it really is, is that my eyes are allergic to pedantry. I did wear glasses briefly in high school before they started to annoyed me. Then, I wore them again for about two months as an undergraduate, but I found that they got in my way when trying to kiss David. Finally, I switched to contacts and those were fine for about two months until my left eye started rejecting them. I could either never get the contact in my eye, or after about fifteen minutes the contact would pop out of my eye. Always. So now I'm going to get glasses and just stop kissing David.

Well, what books could possibly be so important that I need to become bespectacled to read them? I'm glad you asked. Prepare your eyeballs for the literary pageantry you are about to see. The following is "Monica's M.A. Thesis Exam Reading List." If you want you can read them with me, and we can form a book club entitled "Reading the Greats: Books That Will Never Ever Help You Receive Employment. Ever." We'll start now and finish a week after spring break. Here goes.

CLASSICAL
Ovid, Metamorphosis
Aristotle, Poetics
Sophocles, Oedipus Rex
Euripedes, Bacchae

BIBLICAL
St. Matthew, Gospel According to St. Matthew

MEDIEVAL
Beowulf
Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales - "The Wife of Bath's Prologue and Tale"
Malory, Morte D'Arthur
Mankind

RENAISSANCE
Shakespeare, King Lear
Sidney, An Apology for Poetry
Spenser, Faerie Queene
Milton, Paradise Lost

EIGHTEENTH CENTURY
Benjamin Franklin, The Autobiography
Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
Henry Fielding, Tom Jones
Alexander Pope, Essay on Man
Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe

NINETEENTH CENTURY
Wordsworth, Lyrical Ballads
Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre
Emily Dickinson, Collected Poems
Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

TWENTIETH CENTURY
Virgina Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway
Philip Larkin, Collected Poems
William Falkner, The Sound and the Fury
Toni Morrison, Beloved

Thank God I've already read about half of this list. I'll still need to review the texts I've already read, but it'll be a big help. All in all, this is a pretty good list of books. People always criticize Purdue's English department for being liberal, but this list is extremely canonical. I mean, almost all of these books are written by dead white men: Shakespeare, Milton, Alexander Pope, Virginia Woolf. So I don't want to hear about it. Anyway, that's what I'll be doing until spring break. I'll try to update at least once a week, but if I don't, you'll know why.

Back on the Blog

Well, after a little more than a month off, I'm back on the blog. My apologies to anyone who's been checking my blog and had to see the picture of the peanut butter for so long.
I guess it's been such a while that I should give some sort of recap or at least let people know what's been going on since this semester has started. If you know me at all, you know that I hate blogging about day-to-day stuff. It just bores me so much, even though I'm not bored by reading the day-to-day stuff of someone else. I usually blog about stuff that angers me or is funny to me or most likely both. But a synopsis or something is in order, and I'll get back to the witty stuff shortly. I would like to say that I am saddened by the fact that I have now been classified as a blog delinquent. I will try my hardest to regain my readership.

Nothing much has been going on since school has started. I'm just in a spring semester, perhaps my last spring semester ever, funk. My classes seem fine but not overly exciting. I'm in a John Donne seminar, a Shakespeare in critical perspective class, and the history of English language class. I constantly find myself angered in my Donne class because I never know where Donne is coming from religiously. He was raised in a staunch Catholic family but also wrote invectives about Papists while still Catholic. Then, when he supposedly converted to Anglicanism, he wrote some very Catholic material. It makes me think the guy was an ambitious fence-sitter who only committed to certain beliefs when they could keep him out of trouble. Maybe he really was conflicted and I just don't have the patience right now to understand his ordeal.

The Shakespeare class is cool and almost all of my Renaissance buddies are in the class, and that makes the class easier to get through. It's funny how such a small department like Comparative Lit becomes even smaller when you can locate who are the Renaissance, Medieval, Classics types and the Post-colonial, modern British and American Lit types. I have to say that I've always gotten along better with the first group undoubtedly because we have the same literary interests and that might say a lot about our other interests and ways of life. I've noticed that many of the first group are either married or engaged. The second group, not so much. Ultimately, I'm not sure if micro-departmentalization in academia is good. In fact, I'm sure it's not. Yet, I do like the people in my area and that's fine with me.

I also like my history of the English Language class because it is taught by a very devout nun who also happens to be an extremely respected scholar in her field, which is Medieval Lit, language, and history.

My Latin students seem very nice and capable this semester. That fact will make this semester go by a lot faster.

My thesis exam is looming and I'll have to take that the week after spring break. Part of me wants to rock the test hard core and get a distinction. The other part says that they'll give me my degree even if I just get a pass. Of course, it will look better on my resume if I get a high grade. Then I think, "resume for what? Having babies?" I know I shouldn't think like that, but that's how I feel at the moment.

This post is kind of depressing me. I think that's why I've put off posting for so long. I just really want to finish school. Yet, I'm always careful when I say that because things could be a lot worse. I'm sure if a coal miner, deep sea fisherman, sweatshop worker, mother with young kids, or anyone else with and actual hard job were reading this they would all want to punch me in the face and tell me to stop my whining. And that is valid. So, let's move on to the good things that I've got going on right now. This list is by no means comprehensive.

I guess I should start out with David. He's my favorite. I like to watch documentaries that we've checked out from the library with him. I also like to tell jokes with him and just be around him in general.

Then, there is Blue Jacket Night, the Neuliebs, and friends in general. It's nice to go out on Thursdays and have drinks with friends even if my amazingly low alcohol tolerance shows itself through my bright red cheeks and embarrassing interjections. No one has barred me from the place though, so I don't think people mind too much. I hope not anyway. The Neuliebs are great and I'm sad that we haven't seen much of them this semester. The fault probably rests mostly with the O'Neils.

Speaking of Mary, she's got me hooked on this NBC drama called Heroes. It...is...so...good. I would tell you who my favorite character is but I can't because they are all so cool. I'm leaning toward Claire, but I just don't know. David actually watched last night and said his favorite is Hiro. I think my favorite power would be the power of persuasion, which Eden had until she shot herself to prevent Sylar for stealing her power or Sylar shot her. (There's a big debate) The persuasion think is funny because I don't see myself as manipulative and I certainly don't want to be. I seriously don't know if I could choose a favorite power from the living characters because they are all neat. Maybe Claire's Wolverine-like regeneration, or the mind reading cop whose name escapes me at this moment.

Another good thing I have is Pilates. I've found a really good Pilates DVD that Claire (Claire Freeman not save the cheerleader, save the world Claire) and sometimes Elisabeth do with me. Claire and I have made such progress. Before we started We couldn't touch our toes. Now we can touch the floor. There are other great benefits to Pilates too like much better balance, better posture, stronger core muscles, greater sense of relaxation and less stress, and shapelier physique.

Last but not least- I've been getting up about 20 minutes early every day to fix a cup of Suisse Mocha coffee. I can't tell you how much easier it is to get out of bed when I have coffee. And not just for the caffeine. I really enjoy it. I have to be careful though or I would drink about three cups a day and I really want to limit myself to one. David says I'm already addicted and it's probably true, but damn if it doesn't make getting up to go to school easier.

Guilty Pleasures

On David's last post there were a couple of comments about guilty pleasures. Most concerned watching TV shows that may or may not have any redeeming value (e.g. Lois and Clark, Deadwood, etc.) Well, I'm writing today to tell you about some of my guilty pleasures. Ah yes, I shall expound on those things that we take delight in even though we would never be caught dead doing them in front of our professors, priests, bosses or other people who we want to trick into thinking that we are smart, well raised, mature people. Well, we can't always just pray the rosary, read edifying material, and write beneficial prose. Actually, we probably could, but then we would be saints. I'm not there yet, and for this reason I present to you my guilty pleasures.

First, I like peanut butter. A lot. However, the guilty pleasure does not come from the substance itself, but in the way I consume it. I have to preface this by saying that the O'Neil household is a no-bread household because of David's allergy. Therefore, I cannot just eat peanut butter sandwiches. Instead, I grab a giant spoon and retrieve a massive quantity from the jar. Then I set on the couch and lick it mindlessly as though am eating a gargantuan peanut butter popsicle. I'm sure I look like an idiot because David always rolls his eyes while I do so.

Second, Vh1. This hasn't been a problem since I moved out of my parents house, but the addiction was bad enough at the time that it still rates up there. Did I watch Behind the Music specials of bands I did not care about or deplored? Yes, I happen to know where Kid Rock was born and the name of his alleged daughter. Did I watch a reality TV show on this channel that was based around forming a new Chippendale's type group? Um... Yes. Finally, did I watch an eight hour marathon of America's Next Top Model during summer break even though I was called by my boss and asked to work at Osco that day? Yes...I...Did. I'm sure you all hate me by now, but it is kind of cathartic to clear the air about these things. Anyway, Vh1 is the devil. It sucks you in and then never lets you go. Thank God I moved out of my parent's house.

Third, Purdue Women's Basketball. I follow this sport even more than I like to admit. I mean, I know the types of people who watch women's sports and it's not pretty. But I do watch Purdue women's basketball, and I even go to ESPN.com to check out the team's latest stats. Then, I get angry at ESPN.com because they are always making such a big freaking deal out of the Tennessee and Duke women's teams and I feel like Purdue isn't getting enough recognition.

Finally, "Push it" by Salt-N-Pepa. I don't normally like rap, but this song has some kind of sway over me. I find myself listening to it at least once a week, and I had it as a ringtone on my old phone. There have also been occasions where, when encouraged (by alcohol), I have rapped the entire song for people whether I was asked to or not. I have also requested it at wedding receptions (again, this was an alcohol influenced decision). Now, this song is bad. Let me give you a sample of the lyrics:

Salt-N-Pepa's here and were in effect
Want you to push it, babe
Coolin' by day, then at night working up a sweat
C'mon girls, lets go show the guys that we know
How to become number one in a hot party show.
Now push it

Push it good.
Push it real good.

Okay, so now you see my dilemma. It is obvious that this song is immoral and I should not listen to it. Furthermore, I hate almost all rap, especially the really vulgar stuff. And yet, I really like this song, though I have a hard time explaining why. And then there is another part of me that says, "Hey, I'm a married woman and I can push it or have it pushed in any manner I choose (so long as it is in accordance with Theology of the Body and my NFP method)." And as far as I know, JPII never said anything against becoming "number one in a hot party show." So I will continue to listen to the song until I find out otherwise.

Well, anyway those are some of my guilty pleasures. If you feel brave enough, post some of your guilty pleasures on the comments section. Until next time remember this: "This dance ain't for everybody, only the sexy people. So all you fly muthaz get on out there and dance. Dance, I said!" Ah, words to live by.

Do Your Part

Find the cure!

David's birthday

Hey everyone, I know it's kind of late in the day, but it's David's 27th birthday. That's why today is the day that will always live in infamy, right? If you're reading this, go to his blog and leave him some kind of birthday message on his most recent post. If it's the eighth, you can leave a birthday comment for him too. He won't mind if it's a day late. You should leave him a comment because he's great and he isn't getting to spend his birthday the way he wants. He has to work at dumb ol' Ivy Tech and I'm holed up in this God forsaken computer lab getting my paper done. I haven't seen him since 6:30 this morning! Boo! When I woke up I said, "Happy birthday, I love you, you're special!" And he said, "If I'm special it's only 'cause I'm married to you." Now isn't that sweet? Okay, I'm going to stop now before Aric breaks in to my blog (and yes, I know he's capable of it) to make fun of me for being in love. Go leave David a comment!

Finals

I'll admit that it's all self-induced, but I'll be damned if it's not exhilarating when these things come down to the wire. I find I do some of my best writing then. If you need me, I'll be in Stanley Coulter G73, the computer lab...for two days straight.

Laundry

David left a pen in his jeans before I did the laundry today. Here are the results.

Articles of my clothing with ink on them: 7

Articles of his clothing with ink on them: 0


How in the hell does this work? The pen came from his jeans! I'm sure the goddess of domiciliary functions is laughing heartily. Screw domestic chores.

Who built the Ark? No one, No one

When I was in elementary school, we used to sing a song in music class called "Who Built the Ark?" Now you know this has to have been a long time ago because no one would be allowed to sing about Noah in the public schools these days for fear of offending one's heathen classmates, or more likely, their heathen parents. Anyhow, the song goes "Who built the ark? Noah! Noah Who Built the ark? Brother Noah built the ark." Well, for some reason my first grader brain thought that the lyrics were actually "Who built the ark? No one No one." I have no idea why. I had heard the story of Noah before, but I never really put the two together. I don't know if I thought the ark builders' union was on strike or what. All I knew was that this particular ark was not getting built.

I did some further research on this yesterday and found that the second verse of the song goes "Old man Noah built the ark. He built it out of Hickory bark." I know what you are thinking. And no, I have no idea how I reconciled that "Old man no one built the ark. He built it out of Hickory bark" but I swear that's what I though it was. Anyway, the larger picture is that the song says Hickory bark is what the ark was built out of. I am not a tree-ologist or an arborologist, but I find it questionable that Noah,Ham, Shem, and Japheth were cutting down huge Hickory trees. It's more likely that they were dealing with Cypress trees. All I could find from the Bible is that God told Noah to make the ark out of "gopher wood." Either way, I think this song is taking too many liberties with biblical stories. Plus, "gopher wood" is funnier.

Which brings me to the main point of this post. I'm sure we have all seen the cute little Noah's ark playsets for kids, or even a child's room decorated in a Noah's ark theme. I'm sorry but I find this hilarious. Remember that in Genesis God says, "And behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life under heaven, and everything that is in the earth shall die." What fun for children! The least the toy makers could do is throw in some dead bodies for accuracy. What's next? I know, a playset of Job's sufferings. Mother: "Look darling, I bought you Job's playset complete with flaming sheep and a house razed to the ground!" 4 year old child: "YAY! This will also help me deal the complex theological issue of the problem of evil!"

Truthfully, I don't care if kids play with a Noah's ark playset. The only reason I started to think about it is because my niece and nephew just received one from a very nice and generous Christian couple. It's just that the more I thought about it, the funnier it became to me. The only reasons that these playsets are made is because kids like boats and animals. I'm not sure that much thought of the actual story of Noah ever went into the planning.

The End of the Affair

Well, I just recently finished The End of the Affair by Graham Greene, which I was urged to read by both Anne and Mary. I like Graham Greene, so I determined to read it when I had a free couple of days. Yet, I've kind of avoided posting about it because it was a complex book and I wanted to do it justice when I write on it.

First, I think the book was great. Greene has a way of presenting Catholicism with realistic grit without disrespect. He takes off the rose-colored Catholic glasses that I think many people have glued to their eyes. Yet, Greene never causes a person to loose hope. In fact, he inspires it. It's just that his writing is not so clear cut and heavy handed that it smacks you in the face with probity and piety. Mary once said that Greene, in The End of the Affair, leaves the door open for salvation. I think that description is fitting. Yes, the people in this book are not good people at the beginning, and most of them are not good in the end. But the change is set in motion, and I really believe that Sarah was a saint by the time she died. There is overwhelming evidence for this in the book, so I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this. What I enjoyed about Sarah's conversion and move to holiness is that it was gradual. It started at 2 when she was baptized and ended when her life ended. It was an immense struggle for her, and it was one that readers were not always sure would end happily. I think this is the most accurate description of conversion. Now, I like to read the lives of the saints, but sometimes when I read them it seems that the saints were either born that way, or the clouds just opened up one day and they decided to change. I know this isn't the way, but its how it seems sometimes. Greene presents the setbacks, the screeching halts, and the human side of the path to holiness.

So, we know that Sarah was a saint, but what about Bendrix, Smythe, Henry and the rest of them. Well, Bendrix is the hardest to figure out. At the end of the book he seems even more bitter and evil than he was at the beginning (if that is even possible). Yet, throughout the book he commonly mistakes love for hate and hate for disbelief. He says he hates Sarah, but he never really does. He says he doesn't believe in God, but really he just hates Him. At the end, Bendrix acknowledges his love for Sarah. He doesn't acknowledge his belief in God, but the disbelief is really hate. And in The End of the Affair, hate is only a millimeter away from love. I'm not going to wrap everything up in a nice bundle and say that Bendrix will definitely convert. We don't know, but we do know that the door is open. Smythe and Henry are closer to conversion and Parkis is in the bag. So here we have a novel that seems so bleak and grim, yet it embodies so much hope.

If I had to choose my favorite between The Power and the Glory and The End of the Affair, I would still choose P&G right now, though I have a feeling that it might change over time. If I had to choose what book is of better literary quality, it would be EA hands down. For me, it's the same as choosing between the Odyssey and the Iliad. The former is more fun and exciting to read, but the latter encompasses so many more complex emotions and themes.

I'll continue to read more Greene (I'm reading The Quiet American now) to see how the rest of his novels, plays, and even children's books stack up to the novels above. If any of you have read any of Greene's work comment and tell me what you think of it. If you haven't read any, I suggest you do.

Scholastic apathy

It's about that time in the semester where projects, papers, and exams are due. So I have to start making up for the work I should have been doing all along. With that being said, I'm a tad busy at the moment. I don't think I'm alone in this boat, and I don't necessarily feel like a bad student about it. I do, however, feel like a tired, unenthusiastic student who has been in school for 21 out of her 25 years on this earth.

I'll give you an example of my indifference. Last week I was chosen by one of my professors to have lunch with the (sarcasm) Marjorie Garber, who is a Harvard professor and renowned Renaissance literary critic. I didn't have the heart to say that I had never even heard of the broad. So I had lunch with her and two other grad students who were chosen. I read some of Garber's articles so I could make intelligent comments and pretend like I had heard of her. It didn't matter because she mostly talked about Harvard politics and herself. So I got out of there with a free lunch and a lesson learned. The lesson being that most renowned whosits are way too full of themselves. After the lunch Garber gave a talk that I did not go to. Yesterday, before class, my fellow classmates were talking about how great Garber's talk was and how great she was in general. I mentioned in passing that I went to lunch with her and she didn't seem that great to me. Well, all my classmates were shocked and surprised that I went to lunch with THE!!!!!!!!! Marjorie Garber. Then I said that I didn't even know who she was before I went to lunch with her. Well, one of my classmates admonished me because "Garber is on the same level as Greenblatt." Now, I have heard of and read Greenblatt, but I'd be surprised of anyone outside the small world of English Lit. academia has. Even after my classmate's revelation, I could not work myself up into a fervor about the momentous Thai food luncheon that I had taken part in. Although, I have to admit that it was fun to make my smarmy classmates jealous, especially because I didn't care.

I suppose the real question is the following. Was I indifferent to meeting an academic heavyweight because I am tired of school in general, or was I indifferent because that is the normal reaction to meeting a person that one has never heard of? Well, I'm going to go out on a limb and say both. I am tired of school and I don't participate in idol worship, or in this case, scholar worship. Though, I have to say I would have been more googly eyed had I met Peter Holmstrom, guitarist for the Dandy Warhols and indie rock legend. I've juxtaposed a picture of Holmstrom and Garber so you can make the decision for yourselves. I think it's pretty clear. Anyhow, the point is that I'm getting a little tired of school. I'm sure this will change about 25 seconds after I get my MA, but for now it's getting a little old. The funny part is that I didn't set out to write about this at all. I was just going to make a quick post to let people know that I would try to update more often. Oh, I guess there is one more point. Indie rock stars are much cooler than Renaissance scholars.

Gettin' Physical

Well, I've gone and rejoined Jazzercise. Yes, you heard right. I've rejoined what is possibly the most made fun of way to work out. Runners get respect. Weightlifters get respect. Jazzercisers get entire stand up comedy acts devoted to them. I'm not angry about it. In fact, I understand completely. First, there's the name. It's dumb and it makes no sense. We don't listen to jazz and even if we did the name would still be silly. Second, only women are in this group. This isn't because of any rule against men. I just think that men would die of estrogen intoxication if they ever even witnessed a session. Then there are the names of the moves we do. We do chasses, plies, grapevines, jazz stretches, and attitudes lifts. I'm not even making these names up. Next, whenever we do certain moves we yell, "whooo!" in unison. Finally, there are certain floor moves we do that simulate child birth. In one routine for abs and legs, we are down on our backs, legs wider that shoulder width, while pulsing and squeezing all appendages and the stomach. If someone screamed, "epidural, please!" it would be completely convincing. Well, it would be convincing it some Jessica Simpson song weren't playing in the background.

Yet despite all these reasons, I still like going. It's a pretty good all around workout. We do lots of cardio and strength stuff. Oh, I also like that I'm the youngest person in the class by about twenty years. This means that class is like exercising with 20 moms. The Jazzercise ladies are really nice and laid back. This is different than the Purdue CoRec because every girl there is trying to compete with each other and snag a date. I don't feel like I have to suck anything in around the my jazzercise moms. Anyway, Jazzercise is fun and it's hilarious. Sometimes I'm not sure whether I stay in shape from the workouts or laughing about them.

Cassandra Complex

Some days I feel like Cassandra from Greek and Roman myth. Cassandra was a student of Apollo who gave her the power to foretell the future. Apollo wanted to get with Cassandra in that creepy "inappropriate student-teacher relations" sort of way. Cassandra rejected Apollo's advances and was punished accordingly. Cassandra was able to keep her power to accurately foretell the future, but when people heard her predictions, they were all convinced that they were hearing lies. No one would ever believe her. She predicted several disasters, including the Trojan Horse and her own death at the hands of Clytemnestra (See picture at left.)

Now, what does this have to do with me? I can predict the future about as well as Mrs. Cleo(ca' me now fo' your free tarrot readin'). However, I do feel like I have been saying several true things lately only to be judged a lunatic or just simply an idiot. For example, I haven't felt well recently. I've had some heart palpitations and have had a 24 hour monitor affixed to my chest in order to catch these palpitations. Of course, as soon as I get the monitor, the palpitations that I have had every day for the past two weeks have disappeared. I can't wait to return to the doctor so she can tell me I'm nuts. Next, my students must think that I'm telling them lies when I illustrate to them everything I know to be true about Latin. This is apparent because I will show them a concept and they will do the exact opposite on the quizzes and exams. So what am I going to do? Probably break down and start screaming at the top of my lungs until David takes me to the loony bin in Logansport. That's my prediction anyway.

2 Legit 2 quit (hey hey)

Well, I know it's a day late, but I thought I would post this picture anyway. It's a picture of me and Kris holding our MC Hammer pumpkin. We're even giving the 2 Legit sign. So, If anyone has ever questioned my legit-ness, let them behold this pumpkin and recognize my legitimacy in all it's glory.

Why an MC Hammer pumpkin, besides the obvious show of legitimacy, you ask? Well Kristin had everyone over to her house a week ago so we could do pumpkin carving and other fall activities. There were eight people and four pumpkins, so we had to pair up. I was paired up with Kris, the nice,young, Swedish Viking/ physics PhD student you see above. At first we were going to carve a crazy physics equation in the pumpkin, but then we decided that neither of us were good enough with a knife to carve a psi. Then we started talking about eighties cartoons. At this point, I think all of the other pumpkin carvers were getting annoyed because they had started on their standard pumpkin faces long ago. After rejecting a Darkwing Duck logo and a Salt and Peppa image, we decided on Hammer. Essentially, this is because Kris and I both found that we "hustle for our muscle and you look weak to me. We're going for all that we can get, takin' it to the top 'cause we're 2 legit 2 quit (hey hey)." After that inspiration, we set to carving and ended up with the finest MC Hammer pumpkin ever.

Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go hit some fools with a "dose of old-town power, and charge them by the hour." That's word.