Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Part II

I threw on the extra layers of clothing and embarked on my journey. The wind immediately cut through everything I was wearing and my legs started to go numb. This happened before I made it a block away from the apartment. I could have reasonably called off class for this, but I thought to myself, "gods be damned! These vocational scholars must have their quiz on MLA citation. If they aren't tested on how to cite a weekly periodical, how will I ever know that the esteemed writers of Time and Newsweek will get their proper nod from the academic world?" I pretty much thought that verbatim. And so I trudged on.

After about two blocks, my toes, which were protected only by thin dress socks and flimsy shoes, began to feel like they had rubber bands wrapped tightly around them. After three blocks, I stopped feeling that sensation altogether. That's when I got really scared. I started recalling everything I knew about frostbite and arctic survival, but as an English major, the only information I have comes from fictitious accounts. So... I ran like a madwoman for the next two blocks. Then I realized that "wait, this is exactly what the main character in Jack London's 'To Build a Fire' does right before he dies." See... and they say there are no real world applications for literary types.

Well, I immediately slowed down to a fast walk and regained some of the feeling in my feet by doing some toe calisthenics while trying not to think of a cold and icy death. My air passage ways constricted completely when I finally met a warm blast of air as I entered the school. I thought I was going to hyperventilate for a couple of minutes but I got my breathing under control just in time to teach class. Luckily, the walk back was about 20 degrees warmer and so felt like Spring Break 2008 in comparison to earlier that morning.

We let the truck sit all that night in hopes that it would thaw out by Saturday evening. Saturday rolled around and we took a walk down wretched Thrall armed with hammers, a screw driver, and a wrench. As I suspected, the truck had only thawed slightly. We then commenced banging and thrashing on the thick ice that surrounded our wheels. After a considerable amount of clobbering, we tried to move the truck but to no avail. And then in a stroke of genius, I said with icy wrench in hand, "You'd think this is just the type of occasion that our membership in AAA would come in handy." David quickly agreed and we called AAA to come liberate us from the icy shackles that had oppressed us for two days.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

O'Neil's Arctic Adventure

Thursday and Friday were the coldest days so far here in Cincinnati. Both days I walked to work... not completely of my own volition. It displeased me greatly. Here's what happened.

Wednesday night, my husband came home from his job, a job he is technically not supposed to have, by the way, because the University of Cincinnati expects him to support himself and his needy wife on a somewhat paltry sum. Anyway, it was late, so he had to park on a different street than we usually use...and he didn't tell me about it (I'm not so mad because of the aforementioned illegal job and needy wife). The next day, he rode the bus to school in order to let me have the truck to drive to school. I went to our normal parking street,Bryant, to look for the truck, but it was not there. Then I went to our back-up parking street, Whitfield, but the truck was not there either. By this time the 15 degree weather and the fact that I'm supposed to be at work in 20 minutes is starting to get to me. I frantically call David even though I know he's in class. When the phone connects the first voice I hear is a erudite woman saying something about archeology. I know that his phone has gone off in class and only have about two seconds before he hangs up the phone, so I scream "Where the hell did you park the truck!!!!" Then I hear a hang up tone. Later, David would tell me that he would have texted me the location but he was sitting right next to the professor at the time. So I think archeology lady probably knew we were having parking problems. With a grimace, I started to walk the mile to work in a light coat, dress slacks, dress socks, and no hat or gloves whatsoever. And I was late to work. Punctuality should have been next to godliness in my opinion, so this was really, really bad.

Friday- It's about 10 degrees with a windchill of Siberian tundra proportions. I start the morning think to myself that it'll be a good day because David told me where he parked the truck, I won't have to walk, and I won't have to interrupt David's class by screaming obscenities. Thrall Street, by the way. That's where it was parked. I hardly know where Thrall Street is. So as I'm walking down Middleton and turning on the cursed Thrall Street, I notice that the street is kind of icy, which is weird because it hasn't snowed here for a week or two. As I'm walking further down Thrall, which is on a hill, I noticed that it was getting really icy. The cars I was passing had an inch or two of ice built up around the wheels. In the cold weather, a water main had burst and all of the flooding water froze on the street Thursday night. I thought to myself, "Gee, whoever is parked at the bottom of this hill is really going to be frozen to the street." Do I even need to tell you who parked at the bottom of that hill? I didn't think so.

Well, I get to the truck, which has about four inches of solid ice surrounding the wheels, and I start laughing one of those laughs that only maniacs have. I started the truck just to see how bad the situation was. When I pressed on the gas, the wheels did not move. At all. To make matters worse, there was a brand new SUV parked about a foot in front of me, so if my little 1990 Ford Ranger ever did break loose, I would have smacked to son of bitch in the bumper going about 80 miles an hour.

I got out of the truck and called David just to tell him about his impeccable parking spot. He was sitting in an apartment with the thermostat on 71 at the time, so he thought it was a little funnier than I did. To help mollify my anger, he said he'd meet me at the lobby door to give me a hat, scarf, and gloves for my freezing cold walk to work. To be continued...

Part II will be up soon.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


Ummm.. Just a little correction. I'll be home Tuesday the 29th through that Sunday. I hope no one thought I was ignoring them. Sorry!!

I do have internet as of four minutes ago. This means I'll definitely be blogging more again.

And here is a picture of Flannery

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


So, I know I haven't posted lately. I'd like to be able to say that this will be a really long post, but it won't be. I've been buried under the avalanche of Mt. Composition Papers. Its peak is said to be almost as high as Mt. Everest and it is deadlier than Everest's north face. I'm breathing from an oxygen tank as we speak. I haven't even read anyone's blog in weeks. Here is a short synopsis of what's I've been up to:

1) I got a black and white kitten for Christmas. Her name is Flannery. I'll post pictures later.
2) We got a computer and we'll have internet in our very own home starting Saturday.
3) It turns out I didn't need a root canal(most of you probably didn't even know I was in danger of needing one). This is why we bought a computer. We instead named the computer "Root Canal"
4) The semester ends here on Monday and I'll be home Tuesday the 22nd through that Sunday.