Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I Need A Life Alert.

My long standing suspicions have been confirmed. If I ever have a heart attack, stroke, seizure, or other life threatening fit during the night, I will die grasping at air while my husband slumbers on peacefully. How do I know? Read on.

I went up to bed the other night at 9:00 and left David downstairs sleeping on the couch. We weren't having a fight or anything. Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch around 7:00 and doesn't wake up to come to bed until 11:00. That night around 10:00 I am jolted awake by what I thought was a voodoo priest thrashing about and screaming dark incantations. I heard all these deep, guttural, keening/revving sounds and the sound of our blinds hitting the window. Upon a second listen, I was surprised to find that it sounded like the voodoo priest was trying to sacrifice one of our cats.

Sensing that one of our cats was in trouble, I ran downstairs only to find Scout trashing and wailing because her paw was stuck in our blinds. No voodoo priest. Nonetheless, the sounds she made were unholy. David, less than five feet away at the time, was sawing mahogany. I ran over to Scout to get her loose. Oddly enough and despite my best intentions, rushing at a distressed animal and grabbing hold of it in no way reassures that animal that everything will be okay. So Scout lets out a murderous hiss and proceeds to scratch me with her three free paws. Somehow the movement of these paws opening my flesh set the trapped paw loose, and Scout ran off to lick her wounds. Glad I could help. Now I'm disoriented and bleeding with lots of adrenalin pumping. David is STILL asleep. So in my calm, soothing voice that I reserve for emergencies, I screamed, " My God David!!! Didn't you hear that Scout was in trouble? I heard her from upstairs wailing and struggling with the blinds!" David, finally waking up, responds, "Huh? Oh, I thought I had a dream or something that one of the cats was playing with the blinds." No, in reality Scout was trapped in the blinds and in excruciating pain.

It's nice to know that if I do have a heart attack and am in my death throes David will at least have a pleasant dream about me doing a funny dance.

Now, I can't be too hard on the guy. I wouldn't expect him to expertly administer mouth to mouth resuscitation or anything. I know I probably couldn't do if I had to. The only thing I remember from my CPR lesson in health class is that I had to give CPR to the mannequin right after gross old Mrs. Matthis slobbered all over it as a demonstration. This was neither the first nor last time I cursed my last name for beginning with an 'A'. I had to go first for everything.

I digress. If I'm in trouble in the middle of the night, all I want is for someone to wake up and call 911. It'll probably have to be one of our kids. Either that or I need to get one of those Life Alert necklaces.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Daily Cuteness

K, I have to be a totally gushing aunt/godmother for a second and say look at this kid! Too cute.

This is Anthony and Leah's second child, Andrew Michael Arnett. He came into the world much more quietly than his big bro, A.J., but we love him all the same. Andrew looks a little more like the Arnetts because he has blue eyes and lots of Anthony's features. He is the most laid back baby I have ever met, and laid back babies are my favorite kind. Our family jokingly calls him the "set it and forget it" baby because he requires so little, especially compared to his big bro. What a doll!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

At Anne's Request....

1. Started your own blog- Obviously.
2. Slept under the stars- Unfortunately. Here's the thing, millions of years ago man decided that he didn't want to sleep outside. He found caves, built huts, hid under rocks or whatever just so he didn't have to sleep outside. I am lucky enough to have a home, so why sleep outside?
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. I'm making up my own #6 since there wasn't one. Joined a secret society with covert and clandestine aims
7. Been to Disneyland/world- We were there for a record three hours. Anthony was scared of all the rides, I wanted to ride EVERY ride, my dad hated it all, and we left. It wasn't exactly fun, and I'll never take my kids there.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea- I was in one on the Gulf of Mexico. It was scary.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch -It's debatable. What counts as "an art?"
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning- We ate some bad food on Corfu. I thought I was going to die. People probably think I'm exaggerating when I tell that story, but it was the sickest I have ever been, and my digestion didn't return to normal for a month and a half.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train- I'm not sure, actually. I've slept overnight on a train, but I haven't slept on an overnight (sleeper car) train, so I don't know if it counts.
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping- I can't remember if it was 100% "skinny." John can verify.
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice- I know it's touristy, but it was fun.
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community- I practically live in one. I see Amishes (the proper plural for Amish, you know) in their horse drawn carriages all the time and our Wal-Mart even has a special parking area for them with hitching posts and everything.
36. Taught yourself a new language- As soon as my damn Rosetta Stone CDs arrive, I'll be teaching myself German. I'm excited!
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David- Well, I was right outside the Uffizi, but I didn't go in because it was packed and we only had two and a half days in Florence and there was so much to see. However, they have a huge replication of David outside the Uffizi and I did see that. I got a picture of my David standing in front of the fake David. That's good enough for me.
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted- Go to the basement of Purdue's union and look for the mural of Orville Redenbacher. Right behind him there is a hot air balloon with a blond girl in a red shirt in the balloon. I am that blond girl. No kidding. Again, John can verify. He could verify a lot of these.
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person- I thought it was cool; David wanted to leave to see more Roman animal statues.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie- The movie is based on some Kafka short stories. It's called Why Such Reluctance. I was dating the director at the time, so you know... I got the lead (and only) female role.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check- It wasn't(all) my fault though. My bank let me deposit a direct deposit slip, which looks a heck of a lot like a check, by the way, and then never called to tell me that it wasn't legal tender until I had done some Christmas shopping.
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy- Pink Schwinn bike with sissy handlebars and banana seat. It totally rocks.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square- Nope, but now that I live in New York, I am only 7 hours away from New York city. Ha ha. We are truly as far from NYC as we can possibly be while still in New York state.
74. Toured the Everglades- Spring Break '05.
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London- Nope but I have seen the changing of the guards or something like it in Athens, DC, Dublin, and the Vatican. I'm just answering these questions however I want if you haven't noticed.
77. Broken a bone- Right arm, some fingers, and a toe or two.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible- I'm working on it. See previous post.
86. Visited the White House - I mean, I've seen the outside of it. Whatever.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life- I don't know. I hope so.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous- Norma McCorvey, aka Jane Roe.
92. Joined a book club- We're on Great Expectations right now.
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit- We'll just say that it never went to trial.
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee- And each time it has taken me completely by surprise and has hurt more than I thought it would.
100- I'm making up a 100 so it will be even. Had oblivion described to you by a drunk person and believed the description to be fairly accurate

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Good Book is a Good Book

I've made the same resolution for five years. Sure, there were other resolutions along with it, but I've made this one yearly for one simple reason- I've never completed it. Never even come close. I know, I know. Resolutions are stupid and no one resolves to do anything anymore when a new year rolls around. I kind of like them. Anyway, this big resolution is to read the Bible cover to cover. Like I said, I've tried before, but when they start begetting a bunch of people with weird names, my natural reaction is to fall asleep. And as a result, I've never made it out of Genesis... until this year. I'm about half way though Exodus. It's still in the early stages of course, but I'm happy that I've made it further than I ever have before.

It's not like I'm a complete stranger to the Bible. I've read certain books over the years, I know all the main stories, I always read the OT, NT, and Gospel readings during mass, and for about three years in college, one of my most common penances was to read a Psalm, especially Psalm 21. However, I think we all know that one of the most common criticisms of Catholics is that we don't know our way around the Bible. And it's true in my case, so I have to accept it. There are many Catholics that aren't in this group; my father has read the Bible several times over.

I'm finding that the Good Book is, in fact, a good book. And no,I'm not reading it simply as a literary text. I hope I can keep it up and read all of it within a year. If I did the math right, and you know that's a big if, I would only have to read about 3.5 pages a day to finish in a year. I know it will bring me closer to God and I'll be glad to say I've read it all. I probably will never be able to spout off Bible verses at will like some people. I've always imagined protestants who disagree with each other standing around just saying Bible verses back and forth to one another without actually saying any other words: "Well, Matthew 10:24." "Oh yeah, Luke 2:7." "But what about Colossians 1:15?" That was either in a movie or someone told me they actually witnessed this happening, but I've imagined disagreements happening like that ever since.

I'm reading the Bible in the morning and Great Expectations with Anne in the evening. Dickens has taken a while to get used to, but he doesn't grate on me nearly as much as he used to.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


David and I will be heading to Indiana tomorrow after he gets out of school. Please say prayers for us because it is a looooonnnggg drive (800 miles) and we'll be going through a lot of snow. In fact, a huge storm is supposed to start just south of us around the time we are going to leave. Perfect.

But we are excited to go home and see everyone even though we won't be bearing as many gifts as we would like. Sigh. I've been listening to and singing Nappy Roots' "Po' Folks" a lot lately, especially the chorus: "All my life been po'/ but it really don't matter no mo'". David told me to stop because we aren't poor and we've never been poor. True, but it's so catchy that I can't stop singing it.

Anyway, it will be fun to see everyone! I think we'll be home late the 20th or early the 21st.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Job Search

I was talking to David last night about the kinds of jobs I would be good at. Here's a bit of the conversation-

Monica: Do you think there are still cartographers around? I love looking at maps. They're so much fun. I could draw maps.

David: Yeah, there are still cartographers. Stuff always needs to be mapped. I don't think you would really like being a cartographer though.

Monica: Why, because it involves math and working with computers and stuff like that?

David: Pretty much, yeah.

Monica: Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Maybe I could just be the person who draws sea monsters in the oceans.

David: You would be good at that.

So if you know of any map companies that need a sea monster artist, let me know.