Thursday, February 28, 2008


There's a debate raging in the country that is likely to start another civil war. And who else but Abe Lincoln, or at least his likeness, would find himself at the center of it? Yes, I'm talking about the old penny debate. In the past year or so, copper, zinc, and other metal prices have shot through the roof making it more expensive for the mint to produce coins. Right now, it costs about 1.5 cents to make a penny, which means the production of the penny is costing us millions of dollars a year. There are essentially two arguments in this penny debate/

Argument 1-
The penny is worthless. You can't buy anything with it. It costs too much to make and distribute. It's worth more melted down for it's minimal amount of copper (pennies are mostly zinc)than it is as a piece of currency. So let's abolish the penny.

By the way, it is illegal to melt down your pennies and sell them for copper. Just the fact that this law exists in America not only illustrates to me the worthlessness of the penny but also frightens me because I usually think of smelting currency as a problem in developing countries.

Argument 2-
But, but, but, *sniff sniff* it's the penny! We just gotta keep it. It's been around forever! We won't be able to say, "penny for your thoughts" anymore.

Here's my response to that last one. If anyone offers you a penny for your thoughts, you should punch them in the face. They are essentially saying that your thoughts are worthless.

Here's the real, or at least more logical, argument- If the penny is abolished, prices will round up and cost the consumer more money. You will have to buy juice for $3 instead of $2.98.

So there's the debate. I say get rid of pennies, or at least make it legal to smelt them. I've always wanted to smelt something. Where do you stand? Are you penny-anti? (Har, har, I made a word joke) or are you pro-penny? Or should we just scrap it all and beg the EU to use the euro?

Monday, February 25, 2008


Ummm... All I have to say is that Edmund sold his brother and sisters out for nothing because this stuff is naaaassssty. It tasted like chocolate covered rosewater jello. It was devoid of Eastern promise. I understand that the White Witch's Turkish delight was charmed and ensorcelled (totally thesaurused that one)but she had to. That's the only way she could get anyone to eat it.

I probably had the cheapest version, so I'll need to re-try other varieties, but this stuff made me want to vomit. However, I picked up this Turkish Delight in the coolest grocery store ever! It was in the English foods section, naturally. Just for the record, I still like Turkish coffee, Turkish baths, Turkish gold, and Turkish Superman.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


David and I have been obsessed with goats lately. Yeah, goats. We often say our cat is a goat because she'll eat anything and she loves to be in high places. I've said that goats are the grandfathers of the animal world; they are kind of scary, kind of funny, mercurial, have white beards, and love to eat. These are all things I could say about my own grandfather, God rest his soul.

But last night David and I went on a goat joke tirade that I'll share with you now. Please forgive us for the corny humor, but I actually think some of these are funny. Here's how the goat joke conversation went-

Monica- What do goats use to go shopping? Goat carts.
David- What do goat cheerleaders cheer? Goat team!
Monica- What do goats use to store things? A goat rack.
David- What do goats eat for breakfast? Goatmeal.
Monica- What do you call a goat fashion show? Goat couture (I personally think this is the funniest one)
David- Who do you call when you have a goat problem? Goatbusters.
Monica- What do goats sing in church? Goat tell it on the mountain.

Oh yes, the goat jokes were flying fast and furious for about 15 minutes. If any of you still want to be my friend after that display of lameness, you should leave a comment and post your own goat joke.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Here's to Incest

When David first started graduate school, he worked at a liquor store part-time. I would go visit him there, but I would hate it because a lot of really gross people went there to feed their daily vice and addiction. I thought it was a really sad place. I also hated it because there were "beer" ads with buxom and scantily clad women plastered on every wall. I put beer in quotations because I don't really consider Miller Lite, Coors Light, or Bud Light real beer and I don't consider those ads beer ads. They are, or course, ads for sex. I know everyone has sounded off on how sexist and awful these ads are. Anytime something can put feminists and the Catholic Church on the same side, you know its pretty offensive across the board. However, I find the Coors Light Twins ads really perplexing. By the way, this is the least salacious and suggestive CLT ad I could find. You can find them on a google search in much more overt poses.

I find these ad really disgusting and I think most intelligent men probably do too, but I'm not a man so I can't really vouch for that. But these ads confuse me for two main reasons.

As far as I know, there are only three issues left in Western culture that are completely taboo: child molestation, cannabalism, and incest. Yet here in this ad, these sisters are saying, "We're ready to have sex with you and with each other. Doesn't that make you feel like drinking a Coors Light, Big Boy?" There it is. It's right out there, incest to sell beer. Granted, I do connect Coors Light with incest, but that's because the people who drink CL are usually the products of it (frat boys, people who work at the Dollar General, people who take professional sports way too seriously). But these ads are worse than just regular, trailer park incest. This is twincest we're witnessing. Yes, twincest- the occurrence of two identical twins willing to have sex with each other, usually to advance their career in porn or "beer" ads. I don't know anyone who gets hot from thinking about incest, but these people must exist because these ads exist.

The second issue that confuses me is really out of my league, but I'm going to try to write about it anyway. This ad addresses that old "two chicks at once" fantasy that I'm told every guy in the world has dreamed of at one time or another. Observe the 01 and 02 on the twins' shirts lest the complex imagery fly over our heads. And if this twins ad accomplished this fantasy, I might be willing to let it go. But I thought the whole idea of "doing two chicks at once" (in the parlance of our time) was that the two chicks in the equation were different and added variety. But here in this ad, we have, for all intents and purposes, the exact same person: same features, same expression, same freaking DNA. So what's the point? Anyone turned on by this might as well have sex with a four armed, four legged, four breasted, two vaginaed, she-beast with pom-poms.

So there you have it. I don't get it. The ad is supposed to suggest exotic, fantastic sex, but it screams twincest. What a great way to market beer.