I'm here at work. I should be making a syllabus for my English 102 students. I'm not doing that. Instead, I want to talk about modern Christian Music... and how I pretty much hate it. I'm not talking about church music. That is a completely different subject. I'm talking about rock 'n roll the Lord's way or whatever you want to call it. I think that fewer Catholics on the whole listen to Christian pop music, and I have to say that for that reason this post goes against my general religious inclinations at the moment. Right now, in the non-blogging world, I'm feeling the call to reach out to as many non-Catholics as possible to let them know that there are really awesome and positive aspects about being Catholic. And yet, I hold a special hatred for really lame-ass music (and a special love for making outrageous claims). And so I'm writing this post. The following is an explanation of my reasons.
1. This Band Sounds Just Like Creed
For half the Christian pop bands I've ever heard of, I've been told that they sound "just like Creed." That's a huge strike one. I don't even listen to that crappy band, so why would I want to listen to a heavier handed, crappier version of a band I hate? And more importantly, why are so many Christian bands imitating such a supertard band? I guess this reason hits at a larger issue. I don't like most music that I hear on pop radio stations these days, so I guess it would follow that I wouldn't like their Christian counterparts. I can remember when this started. I was in high school and a friend was taking me to school. A Matchbox 20 song came on the radio and I thought I was going to die of a severe lame overdose by the time the song ended. I just kept thinking that there had to be better music out there somewhere and that one day I would find it. That's the only reason I didn't die that day. And I did go on to find better music on smaller labels and with original sounds.
2. If You Like 50 Cent, You'll Love Tithe 2 Him
I read an article in Touchstone a few months ago that equated Christian pop music to those Designer Impostors perfumes. You know the type: "If you like Calvin Klein's Obsession, you'll love Unstable Stalker." The article said that some Christian music stores even have conversion charts. So say you like 50 Cent's style, but you hate all his sinning, cursing, and references to criminal activity. Not a problem! Just go to your nearest Christian retailer, look up ol' fiddy, and find the Christian version of him on the chart. David asked me once why I become so angry when I talk about Christian music, and I think this kind of thing is at the heart of it. People in the Christian goods market are out to make a buck just as quickly at the next guy. And many people fall for it because, hey, as long as it is "Christian" then it is acceptable. No one will have to explain to their friends why they are listening to certain music or reading certain books as long as they have been labeled Christian. Think about it. You wouldn't buy your kid a meat cleaver. But what if it was a Veggie Tales meat cleaver? Slap a picture of a Christian tomato on that bad boy and you just might reconsider. After all, it is Christian. Had enough of your pagan tic tacs? Just go to the Christian outlet and buy yourself some "Testamints" as a Christian alternative. So, I guess my second problem with Christian music expands out to the Christian goods market and the disgusting lengths it will go to in order to make a buck. Oh, and this also includes the people willing to buy this stuff. Honestly, a lot of Christian retail stores make me want to vomit.
3. Gross Misuse of Initials,Numbers, and Zs
I think everyone knows that Christian bands try too hard to sound cool by adding numbers or initials to the names of their bands. Ever hear 4Him, DC Talk, Reliant K, 3inOne,FFH, or DJ Morphiziz? Wow. All I have to say about that last one is WTF? I can see the meeting between the agent and this guy in my head.
Agent: Say, we're gonna sign you to our label. Do you have a catchy rapper name?
DJ Morphiziz: Well, I was thinking about something to do with morphing, because God really morphed my life.
Agent: Morph, morph. I like it, but could we throw some Zs in? Kids really love Zs.
DJ Morphiziz: Well, I guess I could do DJ Morphiziz.
Agent: That's great, kid. I love it. The Zs are the kicker. In no way will this make you sound stupid.
4. Sounds Better When You Are Drunk
I generally avoid drunkenness and anything that sounds better to me when I'm drunk. Taco Bell is a great example of that. Here's another example- I remember once I rode a skateboard down New York Street hill. At night. Bare foot. With a beer in my hand. I had been on a skateboard about three times in my life before that. I know this wouldn't have sounded like a good idea except for all that Gin I imbibed about a half an hour earlier. I also remember when my friend Jack punched his hand through a window at Wabash in order to show a freshman about "drunken responsibility." I know that wouldn't have sounded like a good idea if he wasn't drunk. What's my point you ask? Well, my friend John has gotten me to listen to Christian music while I was drunk. Each time I resisted, and each time he told me that Christian music is best listened to drunk. And what happened? I had a totally awesome rock out session to "Our God is an Awesome God" and "Sister Christian," two songs I hate when I'm sober.
Actually, what's the whole point to all this? Do I think that everyone who listens to Christian music sucks? No. Do I think their taste in music sucks? Well, I can't judge too quickly. I just don't like Christian music and I think Christian retail is just as profit driven as any other market... unless I'm drunk.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
15 comments:
Since, out of your blog readers, I probably listen to the most Christian music. I would have to say that it is not fair to lump all Christian music into one category. I will agree that some of it is really terrible.
Paul (not a music fan himself) bought me a Relient K (they can't even spell right) CD for Christmas last year. I couldn't even make myself listen to the whole thing.
One the other hand, there are a lot of Christian musicians who write really God-honoring songs with truly meaningful lyrics. Listening to such music is an encouragement to me.
I will also admit, though, that the radio station I listen to most is often referred to as the "old fogey station". So the stuff I'm listening to is not really "hip".
As far as Christian merchandising goes, I find it rather disturbing (and I'm still mad at Family Christian for being open on Sundays). Someone gave Sammy a toy monster truck for his Birthday with scripture references plastered on it. What??? I guess it's a holy truck or something.
But I do love Veggie Tales. Perhaps this is a lack of sophistication on my part, but I find them highly entertaining and they often have me rolling in laughter. (And most of my engineering friends share this opinion).
Now though, that you have confessed your dislike of Christian music, I feel compelled to make you listen to some next time you're here. :)
I was with Peter once when he and Anne were babysitting. The kids were watching Veggie Tales and Peter said, "Does anyone else think it's weird we're watching decapitated vegetables?" I could not stop laughing.
It was good to see you last week. Have a good semester!
I am drunk, and was just thinking about this subject!! I have some Christian music on my iPod, but it's not because the music has been arranged superbly. I think Catholics think it's "supertard" (love the new word and will be using it in every sentence from now on, by the way), because it sounds degrading to God to put His name to anything that involves a synthesizer. There are just some types of music that evoke a casual feel, rock is one of them, and we Catholics ain't no casuals about our God, dammit. :)
Couldn't agree more. Most Christian music sucks. When I do recommend to people the few "Christian artists" I actually like(Michael Card, Nichole Nordeman) I always qualify with "it's Christian -- but it's good!"
"If it's bad art, it's bad religion, no matter how pious the subject" --Madeleine L'Engle
Just out of curiosity, what type of music do you like?
Afterthought: I think ultimately the whole Christian pop thing (kind of like the "holy truck" with scripture on it) has to do with a misunderstanding of the relationship between secular and sacred. SECULAR DOES NOT MEAN BAD. God created the world good...there is value in all that is authentically human and a book or song doesn't have to mention Jesus to be a good book or song. A song that is musically good but secular honors God far more than a song about Jesus that is musically crappy, because it represents human life in a more authentic manner, and human life is in itself sacramental, a revelation of the divine.
Christine,
I am totally in line with your "secular does not mean bad" comment, and I do think that this is where a lot of misunderstanding (and bad music) arises from. And Shaelin had an excellent demonstration of this with the "holy truck," which, to me, is far more offensive than a secular monster truck. I am just really turned off by people qualifying everything they do by slapping a scripture verse on it or claiming it as Christian.
As far as the music I like, here is a list (It was basically just lifted from my myspace page).
Iron and Wine, Pinback, Decemberists, Her Space Holiday, Snow Patrol, Dandy Warhols, Neutral Milk Hotel, The Shins, Built to Spill, The Smiths, Brian Jonestown Massacre, Damien Rice, David Bowie, Cat Power, Songs: Ohia, Guided By Voices, Rilo Kiley, Cathy Davey.
I'll drink to that.
I once attended a "retreat" at St. Boniface where the speaker (some teacher from Christendom College) contended that music conveys a moral state. His objection to rock, rap and the like was not strictly lyrical, but also melodic and rhythmic (beware those sinful rhythms).
I argued with him that music communicates, not a moral, but an emotional state. And that there is no such thing as an immoral emotion. Or, rather, there is an appropriate time and place for every emotion and therefore for every music.
I have since wondered whether I was wrong. Perhaps there are immoral feelings. Is the thrilling feeling we get from sin unique to sin? If so, then it would follow that such a feeling is immoral. And, if a work of music is composed to express - not just express, but transmit - this unique feeling, should we listen to it?
Perhaps contemporary Christian music is bad because it tries to force pious feeling on impious melodies.
I wonder if I was wrong, but I don't think so.
The emotion "thrill" we get from sin actually flows from defiance, which is appropriate - even mandated - in certain circumstances.
Surely there are no immoral emotions. There are crappy, uncomfortable emotions - like the kind I get when I hear contemporary Christian music.
John,
I agree with you on the emotions bit. What further convinces me that you are right is that you disagreed with a Christendom teacher. I've heard graduates from Christendom spout off the same thing about music and I have tried to disagree, but I find it almost impossible to get anywhere by disagreeing with someone from Christendom. I don't think they are very interested in hearing any ideas that weren't fashioned at Christendom or at least directly approved by Christendom professors.
How did you get a transcript of my agent's and my conversation? Were you taping the Morphiziz???
Dude, I will give you backstage passes to hang out with 2Holy 4U if you will revoke your attack on the Phiziz in your next post. We got some cool trucks, too!
Actually, first our name was going to be for a new pop brand--not a pop band.
Tired of flat pop??? Try Morphizz!!!
I think I remember hearing some of the Chris kids saying just that very thing about the rhythms of certain types of music.
I imagine that rap music is rejected above all--and I wonder if the artist's complexion is considered. People who only listen to the radio may not realize that there is a lot of rap music that is not explicitly sexual or violent.
Plato rejected certain rhythms for his ideal state, if I remember correctly. It is easier to control people if you can keep them from certain emotions, but this does not really mean you are making them better people.
John, you were certainly correct to argue with the pontificator at the retreat. I can think of no emotion that is negative in itself, and in fact I tend not to think of sin as having much emotional content. The pleasure of sin, at least for me, tends to be a cold, mechanical kind of pleasure.
Of course, there are emotional sins, too. I just happen to be less susceptible to them than the non-emotional ones.
Out of time, unfortunately.
dj morphiziz officially left the funniest comment i have ever read.
also, and i debated whether or not to write this as i am currently trying to avoid embarrassing moments, i was undecided on whether or not it was really morphiz..
i still am.
Wow, What a Excellent post. I really found this to much informatics. It is what i was searching for.I would like to suggest you that please keep sharing such type of info.Thanks nhac thanh ca mp3
Post a Comment