David and I did something yesterday that I never thought we would do- we got cable. We didn't get the big, fancy HD cable, or even the moderately fancy 80 channel cable. Instead, we got the poor man's 10 channel, $11 a month cable. Whene I ordered it from Time Warner two weeks ago the lady on the phone said, "Basic cable? You realize that if we come out again in a month to upgrade your cable we'll have to charge you a second installation fee." I guess this sort of thing happens a lot. I told her basic was fine. Our channels include ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, TBS, PBS, and CBC. Oh, and we also get the TV guide channel. I can only assume we get this channel to show us all the great TV we're missing and convince us to call immediately for a cable upgrade.
After the cable man left, I decided that some brain rotting veg time was in order. I mean, I'm out of college and don't have a job. Why do I ever need to read again? Well, in addition to all the channels already mentioned, I found that our signal picks up some free channels that have already switched over to HD. Most interesting is the Discovery Health channel. I'm sure the channel's mission statement says that it is trying to promote interest in all the wonders of medicine. However, if one watches this channel for, oh say, three hours straight, one will find that this channel is dedicated to incurable medical maladies, pregnancy complications, and obscure diseases. This channel is like the perfect storm of entertainment for any hypochondriac, and like any other horrific and compelling situation, I COULD NOT LOOK AWAY. In one show I got to see a baby born with a head shaped like a three leaf clover, a woman almost die of hemorrhaging after giving birth, and a baby born addicted to crack. Shortly after, I determined that I'm never having children. And yes, all these situations were terrible, and I don't want to make light of it. I cried, cringed, and almost puked during this show. I turned the channel a couple of times telling myself that I could NEVER AGAIN watch this channel. And yet.... I always found myself stopping on it again. Tomorrow, Discovery Health is running a show about a man who grows a tree bark like substance on his body. They call him Treeman. And I will not watch... maybe. No, I have to stop watching, seriously. I already asked David if he thought I had blood clots near my ankles yesterday. I asked because I did not rationally put together that wearing heels all day sometimes causes people's ankles to hurt.
So as you can see, cable is already making me dumber, but if you need more evidence, here it is. We were watching the news last night and a smoking cessation commercial came on. It featured a tortoise and hare reminding people that they should slowly and patiently try to quit smoking. As the turtle was flopping around in the weird way that turtles walk, I turned to David and said, "It's really sad about turtles." He asked what I was talking about. I went on to explain that turtles were like the handicapped of the animal kingdom. They walk around really slowly because the shape of their body prevents them from walking like a normal animal. "Yeah, but they have a big shell to protect them," he said. I reminded David that the shell is what makes them slower and they wouldn't need that big shell for protection if they could walk and run like normal, able bodied animals. All he responded with is " 'It's really sad about turtles' ...that's one for the books." I'm glad I didn't tell him that I thought the commercial would have been much funnier had the turtle been smoking a cigarette.
The main reason we got cable was to watch the news. At least that was the reason we agreed upon. In actuality the reasons are I get bored during the day and I really, really want to watch college football. I'm so excited about watching football tomorrow. Oh, and I'm kidding about never reading. I just took a break from reading Moby Dick to read David Sedaris's Me Talk Pretty One Day. I don't know why, but I can't read more than 10 pages of Moby Dick without falling asleep. It's really funny and well written (maybe that's an understatement) but it puts me to sleep. So I'll be able to tell you what I think of it when I finish in about a year or two.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
I was gonna say "F--- Moby Dick", but that's probably in very poor taste. Anyway, what I mean is: I'd rather know how David Sedaris' book is! I have been dying to read it but I have like 9 books going right now and I have made a promise to myself that I cannot start a new one until I finish them (or at least one). Anyway, let me know.
And what the hell.. "F--- Moby Dick!"
Me Talk Pretty One Day is very funny and a really quick read. I think you should bump it up to the front of the list only because it is so entertaining and you'll get through it in a couple of days.
i second that advice on sedaris. the first essay (it's the carolina one right?) is brilliant.
someone once told me about the tree man. i said i would look it up on the internet and they told me not to. 'seriously... don't. you'll never be able to sleep again.'
I know what you mean about not being able to look away. We don't have cable anymore, so we just get the basic channels, but it happens with stupid shows like Oprah or even Ellen or the View...three shows that I don't like and don't want to watch, but when eating breakfast or dinner or something, it's nice to flip it on.. but inevitably you get sucked in and then learn all about something horrific like child porn on the internet. yikes.
Ha! I thought of you during the carolina essay. I was like, "I'll bet Mike would love this." I even caught myself making the "th" and "s" sounds to see where my tongue touched. I haven't done that since Channon's class.
Oh, and I guess treeman isn't on until next weekend, but the previews are enough for me. Closest thing to a real ent that I've ever seen.
Any yes, Elisabeth, I get sucked in also. And I've watched some pretty lame shows. I haven't stooped to the View yet because I hate those women...all of them except maybe that young one that the other blowhards are always pushing around. But I have to say that it was awesome, awesome, awesome to watch all that football this weekend. And David was really good about football dominating the TV. He just went upstairs to grade and do lesson plans for most of the weekend.
We have one channel now and it comes through an antenna so after Feb we won't have it anymore. But it's given us a chance to watch the evening news and such. Dan and I have talked about it and decided if they had a per-channel price and we could pick the ones we wanted, we'd get it.
I don't know if this is true, but I heard you can do that in other countries. Just make a package out of the channels you want. For now the $11 package is working for us. I can't see moving up just because we can't afford $70 a month for cable, but it is nice to have the news, NBC shows, and a couple other channels.
In Cincinnati, we got five or six channels with just the antenna. It was pretty cool. But here in Potsdam we barely got PBS out of Ottawa.
Hey, with TBS you can watch re-runs of the Brady Bunch! What more could a girl ask for?!
oh Monica! I love you! Don't really have any comment.... other than I think you are great! Love to David. Love, Aunt Kim
Post a Comment