Well, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Midnight Mass rocked as did the party afterward. Christmas always makes reflect back on childhood memories. As I was reflecting back on a certain childhood memory a couple of days ago, I became confused and scared. The following is why.
I was thinking back to a time in elementary school. This was an awkward period for me to say the least. I wasn't completely sure I wanted to be a girl yet, and I shunned all dolls, pink things, flowers, etc. This made my mother so angry because she worked at a children's clothing store at the time and would bring home really cute clothes that I refused to wear. Sooooo....I had a unique fashion sense. Anyhow, here's the memory. One day I wore an outfit to school that I just loved. However, when I got to school all the other kids made fun of me for wearing it. I started feeling bad as I remembered how those terrible kids teased me. But the more I got to thinking about the memory, the less sure I was that the event had ever happened. In fact, I thought to myself, didn't I see an episode of Full House where the exact same thing happened? Wasn't it really DJ Tanner who was teased for her outfit and not me? This is where I got really scared. What other childhood memories had I confused with DJ Tanner's life. Maybe I never really dated a guy from the wrestling team who sounded just like Aladdin. Perhaps my best friend and I were never locked out of my car while doing a Chinese fire drill at a stop sign. Maybe I never had three slightly gay father figures.
Okay, so maybe those last examples were a bit over the top, but now I really am confused about whether I was ever made fun of in school for an outfit that I wore (to my face. I'm pretty sure I was constantly made fun of behind my back.) As I see it, there are only two possibilities. 1)I really was made fun of in school for something I wore and when I remembered it I automatically equated it with something that happened on Full House. 2) Only DJ Tanner was made fun of for something she wore and I somehow got my life mixed up with a fictitious character. Either possibility freaks me out. I do not want my memories equated with bad television shows, and I really do not want to mistake events that happened to fake people with something that happened to me in real life. I mean, If this kind of thing is happening now when I'm 26, I can only imagine how bad it will be when I'm 76. I'll probably be telling my grandchildren how I lost my one true love to a ship wreck in the arctic.
I have a friend from school who says her father never allowed her to watch Full House as a child. I can only envy her now. At least she knows her memories are safe.
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14 comments:
Totally laughed out loud numerous times while reading your post! :) Perhaps you should ask your former classmates.. because, as we all fear past classmates do, I'm sure they would clearly remember every humiliating thing you did in grade school.
Then again, they probably watched "Full House" too.. :)
It was so good to see you at the Christmas party! :) We miss you around here!
Cracking me up!
Here is another good argument against allowing children to watch television
Speaking of memories, your post reminded me, sometimes I think I remember something from when I was younger, but then I'm pretty sure that I only actually remember the picture of that particular thing.
For example, we have some pictures of me in my brownies uniform sitting on the brick in front of our woodstove in our Muncie home talking to Mom about serious stuff. And I'd like to think that I remember that conversation but really I've just seen the picture many times. I can't recall a single word we shared that day.
But I don't feel too bad because my mom probably wouldn't even know what picture I'm talking about!! :o) I get my memory from her. Laura however can remember things from before kindergarten. Amazing.
Caitie and Anne,
It was good to see you too. We'll actually be back for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Know of anything fun going on? We're looking for a party.
John- Yeah, I agree about most sitcoms. However, I would still love to have the History Channel and so on, but it's not necessary.
Anne,
I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to distinguish a real memory from a fictitious memory just from always seeing a picture of it. There are a lot of postmodern theorists that touch on this very issue and I have always found it interesting. How much do we alter our reality by always having photographic evidence of the events in our lives? Is that picture a representation of a memory that never existed? How many fake memories do we have? I know this kind of thing happens because I have "memories" of my parents' wedding. I am able to tell that those are not real only because I was not born out of wedlock, but childhood memories become much trickier. David says he remembers very little about his childhood, and I think it is more than coincidence that he has few pictures from when he was a child and rarely ever looks at them. I could go on and on about this. It is so fascinating.
Dali was interested in false memory... and in dreams... which are another source of false memories.
MONICA!!!!! YOU"LL BE IN TOWN!!!?!?!?!?! AHHHH!! WHOOO HOOO!!!
Yes, I know of something going on: read my bloggy-blog. My parents house 10:30pm. We'll be in the basement.. it will be just like junior high! we can sneak booze and make-out with our crushes in the closets! haha :)
Yes, I recall that Dali was interested in dreams and false memories. I saw Un Chien Andalou in a film class a couple of years ago. Of course, the image of that guy slicing that woman's eyelid off will never leave me.
Would you be less mortified to find out you confused your memories with good art?
Well, that's a good question. I'm not sure I would find it any less scary. But yeah, I might feel better to know that a confused my life with Moll Flander's or the Wife of Bath's and not DJ Tanner's. It would either show that I'm better read or in a deeper and more interesting stage of an identity disorder.
I heard in one of my classes that if you can see yourself in the memory than the memory is from a picture, home video, etc. but if you're actually doing the task or activity at hand in the memory and don't see yourself but everything around you, as you normally would, than it’s truly from memory.
It made sense to me.
laurasuz, that presumes we all have visual memories. Either I've got the worst memory in the world, or mine isn't visual, there are very few images I remember.
The idea could work for me in some instances. It gets tougher though when there is an event that I have pictures of and personal memories of, like my own wedding. There are some places where I see myself, some places where I don't, and some where it could go either way.
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