Here's to Incest

When David first started graduate school, he worked at a liquor store part-time. I would go visit him there, but I would hate it because a lot of really gross people went there to feed their daily vice and addiction. I thought it was a really sad place. I also hated it because there were "beer" ads with buxom and scantily clad women plastered on every wall. I put beer in quotations because I don't really consider Miller Lite, Coors Light, or Bud Light real beer and I don't consider those ads beer ads. They are, or course, ads for sex. I know everyone has sounded off on how sexist and awful these ads are. Anytime something can put feminists and the Catholic Church on the same side, you know its pretty offensive across the board. However, I find the Coors Light Twins ads really perplexing. By the way, this is the least salacious and suggestive CLT ad I could find. You can find them on a google search in much more overt poses.



I find these ad really disgusting and I think most intelligent men probably do too, but I'm not a man so I can't really vouch for that. But these ads confuse me for two main reasons.

As far as I know, there are only three issues left in Western culture that are completely taboo: child molestation, cannabalism, and incest. Yet here in this ad, these sisters are saying, "We're ready to have sex with you and with each other. Doesn't that make you feel like drinking a Coors Light, Big Boy?" There it is. It's right out there, incest to sell beer. Granted, I do connect Coors Light with incest, but that's because the people who drink CL are usually the products of it (frat boys, people who work at the Dollar General, people who take professional sports way too seriously). But these ads are worse than just regular, trailer park incest. This is twincest we're witnessing. Yes, twincest- the occurrence of two identical twins willing to have sex with each other, usually to advance their career in porn or "beer" ads. I don't know anyone who gets hot from thinking about incest, but these people must exist because these ads exist.

The second issue that confuses me is really out of my league, but I'm going to try to write about it anyway. This ad addresses that old "two chicks at once" fantasy that I'm told every guy in the world has dreamed of at one time or another. Observe the 01 and 02 on the twins' shirts lest the complex imagery fly over our heads. And if this twins ad accomplished this fantasy, I might be willing to let it go. But I thought the whole idea of "doing two chicks at once" (in the parlance of our time) was that the two chicks in the equation were different and added variety. But here in this ad, we have, for all intents and purposes, the exact same person: same features, same expression, same freaking DNA. So what's the point? Anyone turned on by this might as well have sex with a four armed, four legged, four breasted, two vaginaed, she-beast with pom-poms.

So there you have it. I don't get it. The ad is supposed to suggest exotic, fantastic sex, but it screams twincest. What a great way to market beer.