Thursday, May 29, 2008

Whirling Dervish

So I watched the Preakness Stakes a couple of weeks ago with the Schafers and friends. I was skeptical about watching because I'm still on the fence about horses. Yeah, after 26 years I still haven't made up my mind about them. My friend Kristin would discontinue our friendship if she heard me say that. She's horse crazy. Anyway, horses are odd animals. On one hand, they are these huge, strong, majestic animals who were worth as much or more than humans in the days before cars. On the other hand, they are skittish, inbred, prone to all sorts of disease, and need to be shot if they break their ankle. Weird.

A couple of minutes before the Preakness started, I leaned over and asked Theresa Mills what she would name her racehorse, you know, if she had the extra millions of dollars required to buy one. I love racehorse names because they are always off the wall and usually a couple of words long. And they never have to make sense. Well, I forget what she said because I'm selfish and self-centered, but (surprise, surprise) I do remember what I said. I told her I would name my horse Whirling Dervish. And here it is a couple of weeks later and I still love that name. Whirling Dervish. But then I started thinking about more racehorse names, and before I knew it, I had come up with a handful of new names that would be perfect for any thoroughbred racehorse. So here they are in no particular order-

1. Fortinbras Smith

2. Class Action Lawsuit

3. Oedipus at Colonus

4. Pass the Gravy

5. Grendel's Mom

6. Measles, Mumps, and Rubella (all one name)

7. Undocumented Worker

8. The Check's in the Mail

9. Gallipoli

10. Cleveland Shuffle (My Aunt Barb taught me what this one means over the weekend)

11. Roscommon Row (like a fight, not the motion required to move a boat)

12. Sokrates Johnson (a nod to Bill and Ted)

13. How's About That?

14. Dreadnought

15. Smog in the Noggin (admittedly lifted from the new Indiana Jones movie)

There they are. I think I got the right combination of literary figures, city and region names, war imagery, common sayings, alliteration, and off the wall stuff. Whirling Dervish is still my favorite, but Class Action Lawsuit is a close second. So, what would you name your racehorse(s)? Leave a comment and let me know.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Too Cool for Two Years

May 20th, 2006

May 20th, 2008

In two years...

Two degrees
Two cats
Too much debt
Too much weight
To Europe
To Cincinnati
Tu me amas
Tu me servavisti

Nemo Nisi Mors...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

So, this is it. Teach, tutor, tutor, teach. And when I get home, I grade and then go to sleep. Speaking of grading, I need to go do about four solid hours of it. If you never hear from me again, I've overdosed on definition papers.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

So I Lied

Flannery seemed to be back to her old self in a little more than a day, so we decided to go to the SPCA yesterday and just peek at the new kittens. We just happened to find the cutest two month old little girl.

This is Scout-

Flannery was a little, hmmm, pissed off at first. She went back and forth between attempted murder and bouts of sulking all day yesterday. But Flannery really did need a friend and she quickly realized that. She still kind of swats at Scout (with her claws in) just to let her know who's boss, but they've also been playing, eating, and sleeping together all day today.

And in the course of a day I went from saying how small Flannery is (she is actually a small cat) to remarking that she looks like a huge panther in comparison to Scout. And right now, as I type, my little Scout is taking a nap on my lap and making all kinds of funny movements.

In other news, my students urged me to try goetta, a Cincinnati-German concoction of ground pork, oatmeal, and onions. Everyone I've talked to in Cincinnati goes crazy for this stuff. I bought some at the store today, fried it up and ate it. I feel like I'm going to vomit. It was really greasy. I'm going to give it another shot, but my first taste of Cincinnati cuisine was less than I hoped for. I guess there's always Skyline chili.

Thursday, May 01, 2008


We just got Flannery back from the SPCA today. We had to take her in to be spayed, and even though she was gone for only a little over 24 hours, the apartment felt really empty without her. I'm so glad we got her spayed though. It's better for her this way. Plus, the whole hunching, butt-up-in-the-air, caterwauling issue was getting a little old. But I did have fun singing Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon" to her every time she went into heat. Anyway, here are the ridiculous post-op instructions we are supposed to follow:

1. No licking or chewing at the incision. Well, I can guarantee I'm not going to lick or chew at her incision, but these were pretty much the first two actions Flannery took when she got home.

2. No running or jumping. Um....Those were the second two things she did when we got her home. If I had just gotten my pet turtle spayed, It might be feasible, but a cat? What's worse is that my cat's brain is made up of concrete and a strong will. The only way I know how to make her mind is to squirt her with a spray bottle, which just happens to violate number three.

3. Keep the incision dry. Right.

4. No rough play (with other pets, you or themselves). This might be hard to believe since Flannery has a reputation for biting strangers, but we really don't play rough with her, and we won't have any other pets probably for two more weeks. (Kitten season starts and we want to get Flannery a friend.) However, she's kinda fond of chasing and biting her tail.

And I'm just going to assume every cat violates all four of these instructions because they wouldn't be cats if they didn't. I just want to know how the SPCA lady kept a straight face we she gave me this list. I honestly don't know how to keep any of these rules unless we keep her in her cage until the 12th, the day she gets her stitches out. So I hope no one reading this reports me for animal abuse.

You might be thinking, "Man, Monica can't take care of her cat. How's she gonna take care of kids?" Well, you aren't alone. I suppose I'll take the same tack: let them run and jump, lick their incisions, chase their body parts, and squirt them with a spray bottle when they do something annoying.