We just got Flannery back from the SPCA today. We had to take her in to be spayed, and even though she was gone for only a little over 24 hours, the apartment felt really empty without her. I'm so glad we got her spayed though. It's better for her this way. Plus, the whole hunching, butt-up-in-the-air, caterwauling issue was getting a little old. But I did have fun singing Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon" to her every time she went into heat. Anyway, here are the ridiculous post-op instructions we are supposed to follow:
1. No licking or chewing at the incision. Well, I can guarantee I'm not going to lick or chew at her incision, but these were pretty much the first two actions Flannery took when she got home.
2. No running or jumping. Um....Those were the second two things she did when we got her home. If I had just gotten my pet turtle spayed, It might be feasible, but a cat? What's worse is that my cat's brain is made up of concrete and a strong will. The only way I know how to make her mind is to squirt her with a spray bottle, which just happens to violate number three.
3. Keep the incision dry. Right.
4. No rough play (with other pets, you or themselves). This might be hard to believe since Flannery has a reputation for biting strangers, but we really don't play rough with her, and we won't have any other pets probably for two more weeks. (Kitten season starts and we want to get Flannery a friend.) However, she's kinda fond of chasing and biting her tail.
And I'm just going to assume every cat violates all four of these instructions because they wouldn't be cats if they didn't. I just want to know how the SPCA lady kept a straight face we she gave me this list. I honestly don't know how to keep any of these rules unless we keep her in her cage until the 12th, the day she gets her stitches out. So I hope no one reading this reports me for animal abuse.
You might be thinking, "Man, Monica can't take care of her cat. How's she gonna take care of kids?" Well, you aren't alone. I suppose I'll take the same tack: let them run and jump, lick their incisions, chase their body parts, and squirt them with a spray bottle when they do something annoying.
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5 comments:
"suppose I'll take the same tack: let them run and jump, lick their incisions, chase their body parts, and squirt them with a spray bottle when they do something annoying."
And there you have it--the outline for your parenting book.
quite funny
Oh Monica!! Cracking me up as usual - it just gives some really great images, you know?!
Wow, Monica, that's what I do and see how great my kids are?!!?? Except for Thomas throwing a fit at the dentist... the squirt bottle did NOT work... it took three nurses and a vice grip to hold him down!!! But, as long as you keep away from the medical types, you'll be fine. You are totally prepared for motherhood!
M.
sounds about right for children. Except that instead of squirting them with water, you bribe them with junk food.
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