I don't watch the news that often. We don't have cable, so that keeps me blissfully unaware most of the time. I read the newspaper semi-regularly, but it's not the same as the non-stop news blitz on the TV. Well today David and I went over to my parents' house to check our email. Actually, I usually drop him off at the McAllister center and he works out while I go to my parents' house one block away, and he meets me there after his workouts.
Anyway, while he was checking his email I decided to turn on my parents' TV and it was on CNN. The first story I see is an uplifting little ditty about a seven year old boy who is getting a face transplant. He has silicone implants in his cheeks so his skin will stretch out over other parts of his face. The skin around his eyes is so tight that I don't think the poor thing can blink. Why is this boy getting a face transplant? Oh, because a flesh eating bacteria ate his face off. It ate his whole face off. How did this boy come to be infected with a flesh eating bacteria? Was he slashing his way through the rainforest? Nope. Was he playing around at a hazardous waste site? No. He bumped his lip while playing basketball with his friends. And he got his face eaten off. I called to David in the other room and told him all about it. He replied, "See, that just goes to show you that you shouldn't worry about such things because no one knows when or how they will happen". I'm a hypochondriac by the way. To me, this story meant just the opposite: I should live in a bubble and bathe in Purell because you never know when or how these things will happen.
Next story up- A huge toothpaste recall. Anyone who has any toothpaste made in China (this includes all the major American brands) should throw it out because it could have poison in it. Specifically, it has an ingredient in it that is usually reserved for non-mouth cleansing items like antifreeze. So now I'm freaking out because I don't know if our ghetto Pepsodent toothpaste has poison in it or if I'll even have a mouth to use it on because of some crazy flesh eating bacteria.
At this point David told me that I should not under any circumstances watch the news. And I know this is pretty much true. I am a sucker for sensationalism. A couple of years ago he said I shouldn't watch Dateline or 20/20 because every time I did I became convinced that I would die under mysterious circumstances or be stricken with a rare but fatal form of cancer or both. So I guess I'll just stick to reading the newspaper for now. Did I mention that just yesterday I was reading that the parents of a 15 year old Indian boy were arrested because they let their child perform a C-section on one of their patients?
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4 comments:
Monica - Peter read this post aloud to me while I held Charles on the couch - suffice it to say he had difficulty getting through it because we were both cracking up so much!!! In fact, I better start doing my Kegels because I think I might have peed my pants a bit!!! :o) Thanks for the laugh!
I once saw a special on spontanious combustion. I went through the next few months anticipating any one of my family members, or myself, to burst into flames at the dinner table.
I don't have new sources anymore either. I live a much less scary life!
Anne- Your kegels comment made me laugh so hard and loud that Martin made me read it to him... and then we were both laughing... and now I'm laughing again!!!!!!
Monica,
You have set a new standard in blog posts. I think I peed my pants a little bit too- and I don't have Anne's excuse of just having a child. (Do you know Maggie will be a year next week? Weird, huh?)
Yours,
M.
Who needs a infant as an excuse for pants peeing? I totally do it all the time, even when I'm not laughing...um, I mean, you guys are gross.
Annie- I think I saw that same special with similar results as you.
In all seriousness- Mary, I actually was just thinking yesterday that Maggie would be a year old soon. She is such a darling girl. I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever. I'm leaving the state from the 8th to the 14th and probably then again on the 16th, so we should do something before then. I think I'll be seeing you on the 4th though, so that works out.
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